DBF out of state--UPDATE! HE'S HOME!!!


To Finish Is To Win
11 Years
Jun 8, 2008
NE Michigan
Most people on here know my DH died last February.

So in May I began dating again--probably too soon--but the guy I began dating and I really hit it off and after 4 months of pretty good relationship, he moved in with me. Things are going well.

Well, he got laid off from work and made himself available for FEMA. With Hurricane/TS Irene hitting the NE, FEMA called him out to New York state to work. And I didn't handle him making himself available well. Meaning there was a lot of crying and blubbering on my end. He was probably more sympathetic than he should have been, assuring me he'd only be gone for a few months and he'd make far more money doing FEMA work out of state than anything he could do in Michigan. Before he left, he weed-whacked and mowed the whole 5.2 acres, got the generator set up, helped me get pellets for the pellet stove, put my name on his bank account, gave me a copy of his debit card, wrote me a few blank checks and otherwise ensured my welfare in his absence as best he could. For the first few days he was gone, he called and texted a few times a day but after he was transferred from Albany to the field office nearer to New York City, he hasn't been calling or texting as much.

For some reason (probably because my grief from DH has been laying latent all summer) I can feel myself going into "panic mode" and having anxiety attacks when I see he hasn't called or texted. He does call once a day, we talk for only a few minutes. He says he works late and is exhausted and has trouble finding time at work to call. Now that my teaching job has started back up again for the fall, obviously he can't call me during the day.

I miss him and I'm lonely and I know I'm getting clingy and obsessive because I'm texting and calling him frequently and leaving blubbery voicemails. He did call me this morning and apologized, saying he worked late last night and knew I was asleep when he finished. I was planning on taking a long weekend in October to go visit him and he said he would love to have me visit but I feel like I'd just be in the way. When we talked before he left, the plan was for me to bring his daughter and my daughter out too for a visit since neither one of them are well-traveled yet. But again, I'm afraid that I'll drive 12 hours for us to hardly see one another.

All of his stuff is still here, and I don't just mean a few pairs of jeans and shaving foam. A lot of his sentimental things like a hand carved cedar Bible case, his Futurama DVDs (OK, maybe not so sentimental), his tools, his welding equipment and all kinds of other stuff. So I know he HAS to come back for that.

I guess I'm just afraid that I'm going to end up driving him away. I'm not a passive person, I can't just sit by and WAIT for him to call. I'm rather assertive and it drives me crazy when I have to be patient and I'm not in control. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. I KNOW I'm being neurotic and clingy and behaving like a teenage girl but I can't help it. I'm trying to keep myself busy and that does help, but it's hard for me when he doesn't even know for certain when he'll be back. If I had a date that he'd be back by, it would help me to keep a "countdown" but with an uncertain return date, it's just making me that much more anxious.
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Take a step back. Call him once every 10 times you think about it. And get a good book and a glass of wine.

Do it again!

Most guys would not leave their stuff behind if they are thinking about leaving you in the liam. I don't think he would after doing all those things, putting your name in his bank account and so forth. He trusted you.

Just look forward in chatting with him on the phone or if you can, get some kind of IM that you can view him and he can view you on his computer. I've done that with hubby when he went on vacation to WV and it makes my heart grow fonder and stronger. Once he came back home, it was all good!

Don't even think about the negative thoughts, just say to yourself, he is going on a business trip and he will be back as soon as he can when he is finished. Look forward for him to share the money with you when he gets back. In the meantime, enjoy your horseback riding with your daughter on her new pony.

If there is a vacation break, see if you can fly out to see him, rent a motel for the weekend and spend some R & R with him.

Feeling better. He just called. With supreme effort I kept from breaking down. We didn't talk very long but he said he's thinking about horses all day and is really looking forward to coming back with the money to buy his own horse (he's been leasing a TWH at the barn, I'll post a pic of them). He said he'd call tomorrow morning.

I just hope I can keep this up.

Also checked standings for Competitive Trail for the state and I'm in 2nd in my division and daughter is in 3rd in the junior division.
That is a beautiful TWH. My first 4-H horse was a TWH that looked similar to that one.
Looks like you got a good guy.
Like others said take a deep breath and relax. He is coming back.

I can tell you first hand how hectic working for FEMA can be. The flooding that happened last year in RI did damage to a rental house I have there. It took forever for FEMA to get out to help assess the damage and determine what needed to be done. The two guys I worked with were working well over 12 hours a day trying to help everyone. Now RI is a much small state than NY. Your BF must be doing double time to help people as they were hit very badly in NY and VT.
He does like Arrow. I think it's who he had in mind when talking about horses and buying one.

He did call this morning too.

So, yes, I am breathing again. I put in for Oct. 10th off to take a long weekend for a visit.

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