DBF out of state--UPDATE! HE'S HOME!!!

[nanawendy]

I am an "old widow " too My first DH died when I was pregnant.(1971) Know that you have been through alot this last year, and your emotions are sure to be a mess. This man seem very wonderful, Maybe Heavenly Father needs him to help others while YOU help YOURSELF. Then when he get back... and he will... you'll be more equipped to handle the wonders of a new relationship.
Also, my friends had a similar situation. Newly married,he was layed off. He signed up w/ FEMA ... he was gone so much... she decided to join up as well(as a bookkeeper) They are as happy as clams.
Good luck

 

[michickenwrangler]

He just called, all ecstatic that they may make him a trainer. BIG salary. Bad news is, is that he'll be training all over the country.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Be excited for him and let him know you are excited for him. Then fret over here in your thread.

 

[michickenwrangler]

I just got off the phone with him and he said something about going back on inspections soon with all the new flooding. I know this means more money, but I can't help but want him back home.

 

[HeatherLynn]

I am probably going to give you advice opposite to everyone else. I am a very anxious person myself. I can barely handle the hubby being gone from work a day without calling. His going for 4 days of training out of state almost put me into premature labor. Very nervous I admit. I tell my husband though. I don't do it all frantic but I just let him know that I am feeling frantic and that I know he is doing what needs to be done and that he misses me too but that when I get so anxious its really difficult not to let that show. I told him I know how unreasonable and clingy I sound when I am anxious like that but that I am trying my very hardest to control it. He asked how he could help with that, and he promised that as much as he could he would reassure me but I had to understand that at times he just was not available because of work. It has worked for us. Not saying it would for him but it might. As a general rule I don't think guys like dealing with something they don't understand or cannot fix. I think if they know whats up and that you don't expect them to fix it, then they are pretty understanding about it. Frankly I think they expect us to all be a little nuts anyway so admitting it up front just reassures them all is good. I don't know for sure but thats what I get from my hubby anyway.

I don't think its a bad thing that you miss him and want him home. You just have to temper that with pride that he wants to work, that he has drive, and that its being recognized. Its ok to let him know you will miss him terribly. I know my husband feels loved because I miss him so much. He's just glad he is not stuck with someone who can't wait till he leaves. I hope it gets easier for you.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

My best advice is to keep as busy as you possibly can. The more you do, the more exhausted you will be at night and the less time you will give yourself to think about him being away. Keeping busy with positive things really works in for many stressors.

I highly doubt he would just up and leave. That is not the normal thing for people to do. With the way the economy is, you really have to take any job you can get and it sounds like he has a great one! Be happy for him, let him know he is very missed and definitely go out and visit him when you can! It will keep you sane.

 

[Ridgerunner]

I worked jobs overseas where I was gone 28 days and home for 28 days. A lot of people on the work site had a lot longer time away from home and less time when they did get off. I waited to start that work until the boys were teenagers. They don't have as many problems at that age, but they are usually bigger problems when they show up.

It was harder on my wife than on me. I was working 14 or more hours a day, seven days a week. And it was high stress work. I just did not have time to think too much about back home. I actually hated the holidays when we got time off from work. That was hard on me. And of course the water heater leaked, the car broke down, or other things happened when I was gone. Luckily my wife is very capable and she had plenty of close family members that had worked similarly, so she was familiar with it. And she had a part time job and was very active in her church. She had a life that did not totally revolve around me.

I'll not lie to you. Some men and women lived that lifestyle because of the freedom it gave them away from home. I even knew a few men where their wives helped them select gifts for their girlfriends. I'm serious. Some of those relationships were unreal. But there were also a lot of us that never cheated on our wives or girlfriends at all. It purely depends on the character of the person.

It is a highly emotional time with you with all that has happened to you. You may not have the personality that can handle that type of lifestyle. I'm not talking about your capabilities to do things, but the personality that makes you, you. I suggest you try to get some counseling. Maybe your minister, pastor, priest, whatever you call him/her. Your county, city, or state may have something under social services that would not be very expensive. Maybe write "Dear Abby" and see what she suggests. I think you need someone to unload to, to dump on. You can't keep it bottled up or it can cause serious harm to your life.

We are all different and we handle things different ways. It sounds like you got a decent guy. I really wish you good luck.

 

[michickenwrangler]

I really don't think he's cheating on me.

Now that he knows I expect him to call twice a day, he does. Once or twice this week his timing has been off and has called in the time between when I leave the house and when I get into an area where my cell phone gets a signal (we live in a valley and have no signal on the cell so I still have a landline) and has left a voicemail message. His call woke me up this morning.

He said he was talking about horses yesterday with some FEMA workers from Texas and KY and he said he was bragging about me and my endurance riding. So he was all excited when he called me about wanting to buy a horse--he mentioned Arrow--and doing Shore to Shore and other rides next year.


But ... the East is flooding again and unless the waters go down by early October, I probably won't be able to visit.

I did get approved for a long weekend from work at least.

In another thread, I explained that he and I had issues about a difference of religion but he's over it now and I think his faith is actually working in my favor in that he holds the Commandments highly and I believe that he will remain faithful to me. He has said that he wants to do everything right by God this time. It's mainly my own insecurity that I'm dealing with. I did talk to a friend of mine last night whose husband works with helicopters in Alaska (works 3 weeks on, 1 week off) to see how she deals with his absence 75% of the time. Her advice was similar to everything on here

 

[michickenwrangler]

He's been calling pretty consistently and our conversations are longer too. Now that we kinda know one another's schedules, it's easier to get a hold of one another. His mail, including bank statements, came today and he had me open them because he had a question about something on the account, although since my name's on the account I know I technically don't need his permission to open it.

His sisters and an older woman (who is like a second mom to him--a friend of mine too) have been asking about him, so it's put in in perspective that I'm really the only one he's making time for.

Still miss him and am counting down the days to go visit him in October

 

[michickenwrangler]

Leaving Friday to go visit him in New Jersey.