DD being bullied....

[HorseFeathers]

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LOL! I say random things when people are being mean to me too. I think the last thing I said was "Well, no one cares so go eat some pants and decompose."

I don't know why but I find it really funny...

Yes, what really works is that they are surprised. Their faces are priceless. When I walk away after I turn the corner I start cracking up.
You know what also works? This one time this guys was like "I'll buy one of your chickens to feed to my snake" and I replied enthusiastically, "Oooh what kind of snake?" Surprises always work!

 

[lockedhearts]

CLaiming to be a Christian and actually being one are 2 different things. If the parents are sending messages through the kids and allowing them to harrass your daughter, they certainly are not being very christian like.

I went through something similar years ago with my sister, we have been raised in the church all our lives .

I have been married a few times and when I moved to Ga I got married to a guy, we went to Fl for Thanksgiving. My sister made a big production about me being there and she didn't want my niece and nephew around me and my then husband.

My poor parents were in the middle, my mom finally got her to come to the house and talk, she started spouting about my previous marriages and how I was harming her kids by getting married and divorced, my mother was crying. I finally looked at my sister and asked her "Are you a Christian?" she said "yes" , I simply said, "Well maybe you should start acting like it" and I walked out.

OUr relationship is not the best today, but she certainly shut her mouth and thought about it.

Sorry you and your daughter are going through this, I will pray that she has the strength to deal with this.
I think a talk with the parents is a good idea. You have a right to believe and raise your kids the way you want to.

 

[Poohbear]

A Bully is a Bully! Handle it just like you would any other kid that was bullying your child. Karate lessons are really a good tool to learn how to deal with bullies. I sent my youngest son to karate classes when he was being bullied because he didn't want me to say anything to the school or it would make it harder on him with the bullies. Two weeks into karate class and I had to go see the principal because he had put a roundhouse kick on a bully after the kid slapped the back of his head. I told the principal about the gang of bullies and what they were doing to the kids and he said that hitting or kicking was NEVER allowed at his school. I explained to him that my son wasn't a punching bag and that I had instructed him to do whatever was nessasary to protect himself. Verbal bullying can be just as bad as physical bullying. Nip it in the bud!

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Not doing anything is the WORST thing you can do. You need to find a way to make the situation stop. Getting the principal and your daughter's teachers involved is extremely important. They can call the parents of the kids involved and explain potential consequences if they bullying continues. They can have meetings with the kids involved. They can keep an eye on the situation and make sure those kids keep away from your daughter.

Most schools have very strict bullying and harassment policies. At our school, students can be expelled if they are caught doing this too much. I'd take this all the way to the school board if you have to.

Remember, your daughter is learning how to react to the situation by watching how you react to the situation. If you act like nothing should be done, she won't stick up for herself, either. You need to be the role model of self-esteem and taking a stand.

Please find the video "Odd Girl Out" and watch it as soon as you can (you can find it on YouTube). It is extremely eye-opening.

 

[WriterofWords]

I have to make an interjection here, seems I love to have my head on the chopping block.

Bullying is when kids or adults are going out of their way to hurt someone, whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally. Are these kids trying to hurt her? Or do they just not understand she is a different religion and are trying to "help" her in their own child-like way? You need to get to the root of it before jumping from the pan to the fire. Are they trying to force her to their church? Are they trying to force her to admit there is a God? Stand back and look at it and try and see if from their view too, then talk to the parents. Attacking will help no one in this situation, it will make it blow up in your childs face, and you don't want that!

 

[EliteTempleton]

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This used to and if needed still works well for me as well.

 

[chickenpiedpiper]

First off, make sure your daughter knows that you did the right thing, and that by telling you about it, she has not accidentally made her situation worse. (kids are often afraid if thier parents get involved in this sort of situation that it will only get worse for them at school.) Then, set up a time to talk to the teacher, one on one. Know the other girls names, and request the teacher to set up a group meeting with the parents. All low key, and dont let the kids know. This is a tricky situation, and needs to be handled by an adult mediator, often your guidance counselor would be a great choice to keep things friendly.

I am willing to bet the parents 'messages' were turned and not delivered how they were intended. Children hear one thing, understand another, and quote something different! Solve it with a group parent meeting, leave as new friends, and let the parents deal with each child in thier own non threatening way. This way your child does not become the tattle tale, and in best case, you have made new community friends!

Definetly involve you guidance counselor and teacher tho, I gaurantee this is not thier first chance dealing with this, and will know what to do. And try to let your daughter know that its ok to 'agree to disagree' with kids at school, and give her a few stock phrases that might help

Good Luck!

 

[unionwirewoman]

I guess I'm the only one here who believes that talking to the parents , therapists , counselers , teachers , and principal won't work .
It sounds as if your child lacks confidence in herself and her beliefs . I know this sounds rude and ignorant.....but a child should have a certain self awareness as a young adult . Lets face it ....even as adults we are still bullied , still expected to do things which others might not agree is right , and still made fun of . As adults we can relate to this ...because it will always happen . Tell your daughter that whatever she truly believes in....I mean TRULY ...no-one can EVER take that from her unless it's her that decides . Tell her that SHE is the one who decides WHO she is and WHAT she believes in . If she understands this ....she has the upper hand , she is the one to decide who she lets into her life , and who she won't . I worked for a contractor who was devout christian , go to church 2 times a week , do the charities ...on the outside look like good people . They were the ones who I could never trust . They lied , cheated , and stoled what they could ...no matter the cost . I don't claim to be a churchie...but I pray every day , and know that I've lived my life without lying , cheating or stealing . No offense to those who are devout . Just let her find who she is , what she believes....the rest will fall into place the sooner she figures it out .

 

[AngieChick]

Wow, what a hard situation. In some peoples religions, it's a mandate to try to convert others into their religion. They don't mean it to be rude or disrespectful (though really it is) and really believe they are "saving" someone. Children, however, can be very cruel. When we lived in CA we knew someone whose daughter's classmates weren't allowed to speak to them or play with them because they weren't Christian. The teacher was not sympathetic. This was in 1st grade, mind you.

I don't agree that the child needs to just toughen up. She is a child, and being singled out and pushed around because of her basic religious beliefs is wrong and cruel on so many levels. As to standing up for her beliefs, it is so hard to do as atheists. I am an adult, and find it challenging. There is just no way to have the discussion without feeling like you are being rude and disrespectful of the Christian's beliefs because the issues aren't semantic but are at the core of religion in general. There just really isn't a way to nice it over without being offensive to the other person in the discussion. Obviously those children were not accepting her simple statement that she is an atheist and became pushy and put her on the spot. It doesn't sound like she brought it up. And now the parents think that she is a "project" ripe for saving. That needs shut down immediately. They just honestly probably don't realize how mean their actions are (the parents and children). So, a mediated discussion should hopefully clear it up.

To be honest, what helped us was moving to a place where it is more religiously diverse. My children have friends who are atheists, some catholics, some Latter Days, etc (even a Wiccan here and there). They don't even really talk about it, it's so diverse that they respect each other's differences. I also have many friends of all religious backgrounds and we get along great. My religious friends respect me enough to accept my beliefs, and I theirs. That wasn't true for us where we were in CA. This is the first place that I feel like I can say "I'm an atheist" when the subject arises and not feel that it will isolate me or start a big huge emotional and pointless discussion.

 

[smith2]

I just have to respond to this one. I am a team leader in a school that has just about totally eliminated all bullying through a program called Olweus. I agree to a certain point about everthing everyone else has said, but as a teacher, BULLYING SHOULD NEVER BE TOLERATED ANYWHERE IN A SCHOOL, on school property, or at school activities. Period.

Start by talking to the teacher WITH your child. The teacher must know how the child feels about the situation, who in involved, when it is happening, what others are doing around the child while the bullying is going on. Let the teacher know how you interpret the situation. Give the teacher time to work on the problem (no later than 1 week). Stay in touch with the teacher regarding progress. Go up the chain if you have to, but give the teacher a chance to help be part of the solution without making his/her life miserable. Don't get defensive. Learning to deal with bullying incidents is a skill that must be learned. Not all teachers, principals, and certainly not all students have the skills. Learning takes time, but don't wait too long. Your child's view of the world is at stake!

Yes, you can teach your child to "cope" with bullying, but a child should not have to.

Children in our school know that bullying will not be tolerated ever! There are severe consequences for such, and separation from other children will ensue if the bullying does not stop immediately. We rarely have problems now, but have had in the past. Now consequences for bullying are rarely used. Bullying in schools is an issue and you may be critical to solving the problem.

Whatever your religious preference, color, shape, size, socioeconomic status, etc. is IRRELEVANT!!!! Bullying is bullying and must be stopped.