Death vs. Pass?

[deidreg]

I will admit this is a strange topic that may be uncomfortable, but it's been a question for me the last few years.

Why did we stop saying "death, dying, dead" and start saying "passed, passing, and passed on"?

I know (in general) our American culture is uncomfortable talking about death. The grieving process is extremely emotional and different for everyone. We don't want to upset anyone, so "passed" becomes a euphemism for "death".

I'm comfortable using "death" to describe people and animals who have died. I don't find it harsh, it's simply reality. But I'm increasingly concerned I will be perceived as insensitive.

So, if you're interested in engaging this topic, please share. Thank you!

 

[theoldchick]

I say passed away when talking about people and say deceased when discussing livestock. It's a case of being polite during a time of extreme emotions.

 

[CluckerFamily]

I use dead, dying, and death more but when I am talking to an elderly person or a young kid I tend to use passed on to describe dead but I will still using dying.

 

[Ruby Rogue]

Interesting subject. I don't think it's a matter of insensitivity, rather the comfort of the person speaking. Some people are uncomfortable speaking of death and the terminology they use personally would reflect that.

 

[Matejka]

I have dealt with death several times, well have. I use the terms dead, dying, death. Loss is another. I got SO SO sick of hearing "I'm sorry for your loss". Heard it when mama died, when daddy died is when i got tired of it. When my husband died is when I got sick of that phrase. When my son died is when I got SO SO sick of it. I dont hear the passed phrase much-it may be a regional/cultural thing. I'm in a rural (country) area of Texas.
Just my 2 cents worth.

 

[Matejka]

Interesting subject. I don't think it's a matter of insensitivity, rather the comfort of the person speaking. Some people are uncomfortable speaking of death and the terminology they use personally would reflect that.

That may be very true

 

[Sally PB]

is when I got sick of that phrase.

What would you prefer that people say? (I don't mean that in a snarky way at all!) I say it to express exactly what it says, I am sorry that someone you love is now gone, especially if I don't know the person well. Someone I know very well, I would say something else, more personal.

When I was at my father's funeral, yeah, it seemed kind of rote from the people I had never met. It was the first funeral I ever went to, and my older sister told me, "people will say, I'm sorry a lot, so just nod and say thank you and get it over with."

What bothered me after my mom died, was people not talking about their moms so "they wouldn't remind me my mom was gone." Like I, um... forgot...?!?! No, let me tell you some memories about my mom.

The phrase "pass away" is very old (1500s?), and wasn't meant as a euphemism, but a literal "passing" from this life to the next.

 

[Matejka]

What would you prefer that people say? (I don't mean that in a snarky way at all!) I say it to express exactly what it says, I am sorry that someone you love is now gone, especially if I don't know the person well. Someone I know very well, I would say something else, more personal.

When I was at my father's funeral, yeah, it seemed kind of rote from the people I had never met. It was the first funeral I ever went to, and my older sister told me, "people will say, I'm sorry a lot, so just nod and say thank you and get it over with."

What bothered me after my mom died, was people not talking about their moms so "they wouldn't remind me my mom was gone." Like I, um... forgot...?!?! No, let me tell you some memories about my mom.

The phrase "pass away" is very old (1500s?), and wasn't meant as a euphemism, but a literal "passing" from this life to the next.

Just a simple "im sorry"

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

What would you prefer that people say? (I don't mean that in a snarky way at all!) I say it to express exactly what it says, I am sorry that someone you love is now gone, especially if I don't know the person well. Someone I know very well, I would say something else, more personal.

When I was at my father's funeral, yeah, it seemed kind of rote from the people I had never met. It was the first funeral I ever went to, and my older sister told me, "people will say, I'm sorry a lot, so just nod and say thank you and get it over with."

What bothered me after my mom died, was people not talking about their moms so "they wouldn't remind me my mom was gone." Like I, um... forgot...?!?! No, let me tell you some memories about my mom.

The phrase "pass away" is very old (1500s?), and wasn't meant as a euphemism, but a literal "passing" from this life to the next.

I'd prefer people say "wow that really sucks. If you need anything let me know. I'm here for you". My mom died 12 years ago and people still tell me "I'm sorry for your loss" if they didnt know about it. It's really annoying because its like "I said I'm sorry even though it wasnt my fault. ARE YOU BETTER NOW? YOU OVER IT?" It makes the grieving person feel so stale and like the words mean nothing when its said over and over and over. "I'm sorry" wont take away the pain of loss but being supportive will

 

[Matejka]

I'd prefer people say "wow that really sucks. If you need anything let me know. I'm here for you". My mom died 12 years ago and people still tell me "I'm sorry for your loss" if they didnt know about it. It's really annoying because its like "I said I'm sorry even though it wasnt my fault. ARE YOU BETTER NOW? YOU OVER IT?" It makes the grieving person feel so stale and like the words mean nothing when its said over and over and over. "I'm sorry" wont take away the pain of loss but being supportive will

Exactly.! How can I help? Do you need anything? Wanna talk?
ANYTHING except I'm sorry for your loss. Why is it MY loss ( shouldn't it be OUR loss?); I'm gonna miss them,.