Divorce rant

[kargo]

I've never experienced divorce firsthand, and I sure hope I never do. My father died last January, but I guess it's possible that my mom could re-marry and un-marry. That would be a lot different than your mom and dad divorcing, though.

Anyway, I've never experienced divorce, but I've witnessed it. One of my friend's parents got divorced when she was 8 or so, and I guess it's been about 5 years or so, and I just recently found out that one of my other friend's parents are divorced.

It's the second friend I've been thinking about. I've been thinking about her all night. I really feel like it's hurting me. I can't quite explain it. I just love her so much. I feel really bad about it. I wish I could fix it for them. Just yesterday she was telling me it was worse when she was younger, but she's learned to deal with it now. It really upsets me that she has to say something like that. I just wish people didn't jump into marriage so hastily. I know that in both of these cases, no abuse or anything was going on. It was definitely a case of, "I don't love you anymore." in the first one, and for the second friend, I'm not positive, but I feel sure nothing like that was happening.

My friend's so selfless. She's always worried about me. When we hung out a few days ago, she kept asking me if I was alright, how I was holding up, how things were going.....she always wants to help. She's so loving. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and give her the perfect like it feels like she ought to have. Sadly, that's not even close to reality. I know I can't do that.

 

[Zahboo]

My parents are divorced and it does suck at first. I was like 5. I didn't get it and used to try to manipulate plans to get them back together, yeah they never worked. I finally got used to them being divorced at like age 13? It's been a long time now and still with school it makes everything complicated. I hate that the death do us part thing has a void.

 

[redhen]

Yes, divorce is hard on kids...
But it beats everyone living in misery for the rest of their lives if they arent happy. That can do more damage then you know...

 

[Chicks&Chihuahuas]

Kargo-

I am sorry you are hurting ,for both yourself and your friend. it sounds as though you are fairly young, which makes it so much harder. Divorce does suck. My parents divorced when I was 7. 23 years later they STILL hate each other. My father was so bad about it (trashing on Mother etc...) that I had to stop having anything to do with him about 11 years ago. I have seen more of it since then, and have unfortunately experienced it myself. I can't begin to tell you how sad I am that the whole "'Til Death" bit doesn't seem to mean crap anymore. What I CAN tell you is that in certain situations, there are times when divorce is actually a HUGE blessing. especially with kids involved. I know that I did grow to realize that had my parents stayed together, my Mother would have spent years and years suffering (past the 11 that she did) and that it would have greatly affected her ability to effectively care for the three of us. Sometimes parents have to make decisions (hard as they may be) to do what is right for themselves and the children. Kids don't always understand (it took me quite awhile). What you and your friend need to remember, is that NONE of it has ANYTHING to do with the her, OR the parents' love for her. It may take some time (years even) but eventually she may even see a positive outcome to it all. My Mother went on to marry the man I call my Dad. After 14 years together, they split, but to this day, he's still my "Dad". He lives out of state now, caring for his ailing Mother, but he calls me every couple of days, just to chat and check up on me. This Sunday, HE is the man I shall be thankful for. I am so sorry for your recent loss, and hope that someday your Mother finds someone who makes the both of you feel loved and cared for.

Best,
-A

 

[kargo]

I know for certain that the second girl's parents both love her very much. Her father is still in the picture, too. I don't think that she bounces between houses, but I know she sees him a lot. She came to her Graduation, and several other big school events for her this year. My friend is older than me, and I think she understands this a whole lot more than I do. Still, I hate to see this happening to her, not to mention that her mom's dating now, and it seems the guy she's dating could be of questionable character....

 

[Chicks&Chihuahuas]

It will never be easy watching her Mother date. After mother left Jim (I don't call him Dad, but he knows) I did not approve of the men my Mother dated, or the one she married. I have gotten used t it, but it still isn't what I would have chosen. Hpe you both can hang in there!

 

[catwalk]

Bless you for being such a good friend! My sister cheated on her husband and divorced him, and now she is making up all sorts of bad things about everyone who ever loved her, just to prove to a judge that she is the better parent. Super sad. Please continue to be there for your friend, and pray for healing!

 

[kargo]

Quote:
Thanks, but really, she's the good friend. If you knew all the tight spots she's helped me through....you'd definitely understand why I love her so much.