Do you want ducks?
Yes.
There you go

Helpful, aren't I?
One of my runners laid over 300 eggs last year. She' molting like crazy now, so nada from either (both are seriously molting).
I have only 2, so they aren't loud. They get loud if they want food and their dish is empty, but that doesn't happen often. They do chat, but it is typically quiet.
Mine free range and are only closed in at night, so not too messy.
I built them a nice raised pond. Their food and water is near their night house and covered from the weather.
I hose out their house once a week (more in summer) and change bedding then as well (add to it during the week) and hose off the top of the steps to the pond every few days and any poop they deposit on the sidewalk - they don't hang out on it now, so they aren't really pooping on it.
They have lots of room, so they don't dig huge holes in my yard.
If you walked into my back yard, you'd never really know there were ducks until you see them.