Do You Have a Family Member Like This??

[Amyable]

Oh my gosh, is your uncles' name Barry?? How could there be two of them in this world? Your story is almost identical to my uncle's behavior when my grandpa passed away last year. As my grandpa is dying in the hospital from lung cancer, my uncle asks to have all his firewood because "you don't need it anymore."

How could he?!?

And last week he was complaining to my dad that someone had to go with my grandma (who is in the nursing home with Alzheimer's) to the dentist because she gets agitated. He says "why do we have to keep doing this stuff, we put her in a home".

Umm, because she is your mother. What is the matter with him???!! My dad told him he is useless. He is, without a doubt, the most selfish person I have ever known; why oh why does he have to be related?

So sorry you have to deal with this garbage too.

 

[cassie]

I just finished reading two books you might find helpful. The
Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout and Without Conscience by Robert Hare. I strongly suggest you read these two books for your own mental health if nothing else. Most people have a hard time understanding that there is a percentage of the population that has no empathy for others and conscience whatever. These books will give you some coping skills on how to relate to these people. Avoidance is high on the list.

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

Fortunately, I avoid him like the plague.

For example, last year we all decided to "draw names" for Christmas. Our family was just getting too large to buy presents for everyone in the family. We drew names and my uncle proclaimed loudly that he knew just what to get me. (He drew my name.) I looked at my cousins and they grimaced.

Next Christmas, he got me a present which utterly shocked me. What didn't was the fact that this diabetic man had eaten half of it then decided to give it to me.

I do not talk to him unless asked a pointed question...I think Dad finally sees why I keep away from him.

 

[Ridgerunner]

First, let me offer my sympathy, both on your loss and on the situation. Many of us have to deal with somewhat similar situations in times of grief but few are as intense as you describe. Please offer your father all the support you can. It has to be very hard on him.

Nobody wants to think of it, but does your father have a will? From what you describe, it sounds as if it is very important that he does.

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

Yes, after my mom passed, Dad made a will. My mom did not have a will when she passed and my dad saw how important it was to have one. Especially to help the family make decisions.

 

[cmb19]

Quote:
First of all OP, I'm sorry about your grandpa and your uncle. Second..Dawn you have given me exactly what I will say to my aunt and cousin and possibly uncle when my grandma is gone.
You're not alone with idiot family members, my aunt has stolen from my mom and grandma, my uncle has conned my grandparents out of property (grandpa is gone now), and my cousin actually had the nerve to tell grandma to her face that when she dies she wants her house. I don't know how my mom is the only sane one in the family but there's gonna be war eventually and I'm gonna be right in the middle of it.

 

[sundance]

sorry for your loss, but seems every family has them. One sunday after church, my dd told me that she hoped it wan't soon, but when I died, she wanted the jade braclet I was wearing. So I pulled it off and gave it to her, all the ladies around us looked sorta stuned, but I never missed a beat talking to everyone. she has worn it once in the 3 years she has had it. Came home and researched wills, in tennessee a hand written will is considered legal. so i wrote one. marrie

 

[hiddenmagnolia]

my grandpa was very wise. He sold everything he owned to my dad. His stepson, ten years before he died for $10.00. He did it to protect my grandmother from his kids. It worked. That stopped all arguments. When he died they started to talk about selling everything and dividing the money. Told my dad that he would have to move my grandmother out. He laughed and told them what he and my papa had done to protect mawmaw from them. He knew his kids well. I miss them both to this day. That was over 25years ago.

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

Unfortunately, I believe my grandpa was sort of blind on his sons. He told his two remaining children that there would be nothing for them except debt. I believe that's where the issues are arising from.

Let's face it, when your parent passes, you do not want to have to pay the debts that they owe while you are dealing with your own pain. I believe my uncle is more interested in getting money out of the thing. He was originally wanting to put the house on auction in order to pay off the debts. Then he wanted to get it appraised and let someone buy it for the appraisal amount. Then my dad came up with the amount through research and friends and came to a nice amount, for more than the house is worth in my opinion, but the land that comes with it...

It may not even work out that my cousins want the house, but letting them make monthly payments without the worry of a bank...

I think he just wants the money from it...whoever he hurts in the process...just sad.

 

[jbowyer01]

My parents have a trust set up. Upon thier death everything is automatically taken care of (all I have to do is call the attorney and she handles it all). Each of us (all my siblings and my self) have listed things that we would like to have and it is with the attorney (their are many heirlooms that have been handed down for a vey long time). I have a sister that will do what your uncle did or at least try, with the trust its written that she gets nothing but a couple of christmas presents that were purchased for her almost two years ago, thats when she decided to disown us. Its completly uncontestable per the trust. I know its a hard thing to discuss with loved ones while they are living but unfortunatly it should be done, otherwise you end up with a mess to sort out.

I am sorry to hear of your loss and I'm sending prayers your way.