Do you have a really large family?

[HSmamma]

I don't get it? Thinking what??
hsmamma

 

[lengel]

Quote:
The thing that concerns me here is that the "kids" do not do their own thing. My father used to threaten to disown us if we did anything that he didn't like. Most of the time he was an absent parent so this didn't come into play often but I was disowned twice and finally disowned myself because by then it was just irritating.

My brother seems to have taken this to the next level. Where my father would pitch this fit when we wanted to go to a college he didn't approve of or when one of us told him that a family friend was abusive, my brother could very well cut off any of his children if they don't do *exactly* as he wants. His girls are very confident people but only in the context of their own group and I can't imagine what would happen if one of them decided to marry and have kids. Not that any of them seem to want to. It's just an extended childhood for all of them as far as I can tell. But I wouldn't really know given that they talk about only the most superficial things in the most affected language that I've ever read. Even SIL has adopted this very affected way of expressing herself in writing. I can't tell what they think as individuals.

I couldn't say what their homeschooling methods are or whether or not they are effective. I do know they seem to be very intelligent but are not allowed to read anything other than one Christian publication and that the oldest ones are teaching the younger ones at this point. Other than that, I don't know.

 

[lengel]

Quote:
I would be surprised if any of the oldest five girls (now adults) had ever had a boyfriend.

 

[Beekissed]

I feel your pain! My father was like this, my grandfathers on both sides was like this and one of my brothers sounds just like your brother, except without the religion.

I know you feel some distress over these kids but you can't help them right now. Maybe down the road, maybe never, but just pray that God will deliver them from this type of abuse.

I'm with you, this is really not a homeschooling issue, its just one of the methods he is using to control his family. My dad moved us way back in the woods to "homestead" without running water, electricity or, most importantly, phones. No contact, see. I'm sorry for us both, Lengel, and sorry for those kids. :aww

 

[picklespickles]

i had my first job in gradeschool. some people will cripple their children to stay in charge of them. very sad. he probably does not even realize he's doing it.

 

[Beekissed]

Oh, they know. They just feel like they have every right to do so, as their father did before them and his father did also. To them, its a man's right to do anything they want and everyone else can just suck it up. Even when living in a world of people who do not do these things as good examples, they will still persist in doing just what they want to do. Even a dog has the capacity to learn new tricks in this life.

 

[lengel]

Quote:
Did you just walk away one day? How did you survive? Other family or friends?

I moved in with a friend who had faked an ID so that she could get an apartment. Of all reasons to get a fake ID, right? Her mother was an obsessive collector and the entire house was filled floor to ceiling with old newspapers and cardboard. Then I did double duty as an office assistant and fast food burger flipper so that I could still go to college. One semester I had six part time jobs to pay my expenses. I went home with classmates over the holidays.

Curiously, my father really contributed to my brother's support through med school. So I have a really hard time understanding this.

Edited to say: I quoted the wrong post but you get the idea

.

 

[Beekissed]

I didn't walk away...I ran! I got married to a bum just to get out. Had a child, divorced and had to move back...this was much, much worse. Had to live with the parents for 2 times during my adult life...once right after the divorce and once during going to nursing school. When I moved out the second time, they threatened to try and take my kids away from me. Said they would get my siblings to lie in court and say I abused them, just so my parents could "keep" them. They called them "our kids". Nightmare times, with a constant struggle to overcome the low self-esteem, the guilt trips, the name calling and emotional abuse, even as an adult. Luckily, my kids were very young during those times of exposure, but they still got too much for my liking.

I had my first job at 14 and paid for all my own clothing, cars, etc. after that point. Never took anything from them but temporary shelter in times of distress, but I paid for that a million times over in continued emotional abuse. I could tell you stories for days how horrible and strange my father is....all scars left on the psyche, not on the skin.

I now live across the state from them and it isn't far enough away to escape the occasional poison dart. You see, of all the children, I was the one who stood up for myself. The older ones just moved away and never came back. The middle ones live close but hardly ever visit them. I am the youngest and the most hated by my father because he could never break me....bend me, beat me, but not break me. I am also one of the only ones who live without the stain of hatred in my heart. Sorrow for a childhood lost, but not hatred. For that I am greatful to God. I was born to love, not hate and I am no good at it at all!

My father favored the boys also, and despised the girls. Still does.

 

[lengel]

We should get coffee sometime.

 

[HSmamma]

My heart goes out to you. Thanks for explaining in more detail.
hsmamma