Do you have a really large family?

[Katy]

I know people homeschool for a variety of reasons. My brother and his wife did it because the area of the country they live in is at the bottom of the barrel for school rankings. After one year in the public school system they decided to homeschool their two kids. They didn't want to isolate their kids from the world and they were enrolled in a variety of sports, clubs and other afterschool activities and had a lot of friends. I just think too many do it as a way to protect their kids from the big bad world which sooner or later they're going to have to face anyway. My son works with a kid that was homeschooled along with his sister. This young man (25) has spent everyday for the last 2 years in a pick-up with my son going from job site to job site and he will still barely talk. What really floored my son was that this kid grew up catty corner from the house of one of his (my son's) best friends where they spent lots of time and he never even knew this kid existed. The young man has said he used to watch them paying football out in the yard. It's just sad to me.

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
Silkie, awesome and wise post.

 

[tygab]

what you are describing sounds a little odd to me (I hope this does not come off the wrong way). Have you discussed with your brother what any of the kids' future plans are? I would think most parents relish the opportunity to talk about what their kids are planning to do for careers, and seeing them achieve these milestones.

Anyway, I grew up in a family of 4 kids (not the biggest, but not small these days). My parents were always quite clear that we'd be on our own post college (and we all started working in HS for college); I would have felt embarassed to move home with no plans or future mapped out for me.

 

[redhen]

hello...well...from what i am understanding.i think that maybe the kids should be pushed out of the nest a little bit..BUT...it also DOES sound to me that those kids have a good foundation..(as in..you stated they have wholesome pastimes..etc..)...doing the job i do..i KNOW that is VERY important....if these kids have the right foundations..( they dont sound like disrespectful kids...not thugs,druggies..been in trouble with the law..etc.....)..i feel and hope they will be okay...maybe they just need to get out in world a bit..try new experiences..to give them the courage to try new things..i think with a bit of help and a little push..they will be okay..best wishes..Wendy

 

[lengel]

Quote:
Thank you. I suspected most of what you are saying but wasn't sure. There was always some excuse for why we couldn't come visit or why they couldn't and then recently it was implied that we were unacceptable as influences and stated that they would think about whether or not they might come visit. I was appalled. My brother is one year older than I am but I sent whatever I could to help them out in the past. Now I'm not welcome in their home even though it's been ten years since I've been there. Anyway.

 

[Katy]

Quote:
Thank you. I suspected most of what you are saying but wasn't sure. There was always some excuse for why we couldn't come visit or why they couldn't and then recently it was implied that we were unacceptable as influences and stated that they would think about whether or not they might come visit. I was appalled. My brother is one year older than I am but I sent whatever I could to help them out in the past. Now I'm not welcome in their home even though it's been ten years since I've been there. Anyway.

Sounds like beekissed has the situation pegged. I don't think your brother wants his extended family to know how things really are at his house.

 

[Beekissed]

Yep, one of the first things a person like this does is isolate from the family. They may give a thousand reasons, but its really another way to control the environment around their victims. Sad, so very sad but I've seen it in my family, in a hundred families with which I come in contact. These kids may eventually come to you for a family contact when they finally break away (if ever) and then you may be able to help them in some way.

My niece was in the same situation with my sister and her husband, forced to be in a cult, isolated and home schooled, made to marry some older man from their "church" , etc. Now, she has been to, and still goes to counseling, has reconnected with some of her family she has been unable to contact for many years, and is trying to make a life. We have a lot in common and we get along fine. She was so surprised, as she was told all her life that her aunts were evil and a bad influence....sound familiar? Sorry about having to watch it all go down and feeling so helpless to prevent it. I know how you feel!

ETA: This niece of mine has tried to commit suicide and her brother has had several psychotic episodes and attempted suicides, as well. Be there for the fallout as there will surely be some!

 

[MagsC]

I grew up in a family of seven children. I cant remember when we WERENT expected to do our share around the place when young and we were encouraged to get out and get a job when we were older, go to college when we graduated etc. So I guess that is what seems normal to me.
I have five children, four have moved out and on into jobs,college,military. My oldest girl has served four years in the military, she is getting out in the upcoming month and coming home while her husband is deployed. A temporary thing, but she takes it for granted that she will be expected to help out, get a job etc. Its a given.
I know all families are different, but I do think its very important to teach a little independence. The world can be a frightening place, but a lot MORE scary if you have no clue how to make a life for yourself.

 

[CarlaRiggs]

Yikes! This thread sounds scary!

I have nine children (one set of twins). They are all great people.

Seven are college graduates (Brigham Young University), one is currently starting his third year of law school on a full scholarship *thank goodness!

*.
My baby is in her last year of high school.
They are all pretty social, some more than others. All are very musical, most are athletic, and all good friends with each other.
Four are married, our twelfth grandchild is expected early next year.
No drug addicts, suicides, armed robberies or out of wedlock babies.

We have great political debates over the internet (one flaming Libertarian, assorted Republicans, but no one marches to the party platform).
The thing we enjoy most is getting together at our home, letting the grandkids play together while the adults all play games and eat.

I figured once that I probably changed about 73,000+ cloth diapers in my 'mother-mode' years. And you know what? It was totally worth it all.

Life is good.

Carla

 

[Beekissed]

I simply LOVE hearing good "big family" stories! Since our story was, and is, so despairing, I grew up wishing we were the Waltons. Thanks for the uplifting note, Carla!