Do You Want Free Eggs........THE WINNER IS>>> on pg. 5

[Crusty McPottydoodle]

Little boy sitting on the curb at the side of the road.

Woman walks up to him and asks if he needs some help. He says,

"Shhh, my bum's asleep."

"How do you know," the woman asks.

"I just heard it snore"

 

[crtrlovr]

Do you know why the latter part of I Samuel 17:10 is also known as "The Spinster's Prayer"? Because it says, "Give me a man, that we may fight together".

 

[ljf24]

young chuck, moved to texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. the farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. the next day he drove up and said, sorry son, but i have some bad news, the donkey died. chuck replied, well, then,just give me my money back. the farmer said, can't do that. i went and spent it already. chuck said, ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey. the farmer asked, what ya gonna do with him? chuck said, i'm going to raffle him off. the farmer said, you can't raffle off a dead donkey! chuck said, sure i can. watch me. i just won't tell anybody he's dead. a month later, the farmer met up with chuck and asked, what happened with that dead donkey? chuck said, i raffled him off. i sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00. the farmer said, didn't anyone complain? chuck said, just the guy who won. so i gave him his two dollars back.

Good luck everyone!

 

[ljf24]

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” she cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake.”

 

[19Dawn76]

One day Bubba is driving down the road and spots a pig in the ditch. Bubba pulls over and puts the pig in the cab of the truck next to him. While he's driving down the road a state trooper spots him and pulls him over. "What are you doing with that pig son?" Bubba replies "I found him on the side of the road." "Well u need to take that pig to the zoo!"says the state trooper. The next day the same state trooper saw Bubba and the pig driving down the road so he pulls him over again and says " I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo son." Bubba responds " I did and we had so much fun that I thought we'd go fishing today!"

 

[christyware]

A Department store has this extremely ugly Chartruse green suit, the owner of the store goes up to his Employee and says "I will give you $500 if you can have that suit sold by the time I get back from lunch." The employee says "I'll do it sir.". The owner comes back an hour later to see his employee with his clothes shredded, and cut and bleeding. The Owner asked what happened, the Employee says "I sold the suit sir.". The Owner quite pleased that the suit was sold, but curious he asked the Employee. " Who bought that hideous suit?". The Employee answered " I sold it to a blind man and his German Shepherd Seeing eye dog almost killed me for selling it to him."

 

[Sierra pachie bars]

One day before Halloween my daughter asks me to take her to find a costume. So the store is packed ! And we are walking around looking at what the store had of costumes. My daughter sighs and says mom I don't see anything I like. I was hoping for a maid costume. So I tell her well honey sorry I don't see any here. So in the store which is packed. My daughter (mind you kids never talk low) says " WELL MOM WHY CAN'T I JUST WEAR THE MAID COSTUME HANGING IN YOUR CLOSET. "

Everyone stops talking store gets quiet and everyone looks at me.

Never in my life had I been that beet RED.

Proof kids say whatever pops into their heads.

My husband to this day laughs so hard thinking about it.

 

[Drafthorsegal]

True story... this happened to me.

I was 16, and working as a summer helper in a local mill - I know that sounds young but I graduated early from Highschool. My father worked in the same mill, of which the summer helper program was designed to help employee children in a scholarship type manner where they were hired for a great hourly wage in the summer between their college sessions. This helped us cover costs for college as a sort of scholarship. Mind you, I was a great kid, never got in any trouble or anything. Anyhow, I had this pet bunny who got really sick. She was about 6 years old and had elderly rabbit problems. I took her to the vet the day before, and my mother was going to check up on the bunny around lunch. I called my mom to see how the bunny was doing at my own lunch break. It turned out the vet had called my mother early on in the morning and asked permission to euthanize her because she was incredibly ill with something they couldn't fix (cancer). My mother gave her permission and my beloved rabbit finally got to rest from her ordeal.

My mother was quite frank about what happened, and I was quite devastated. I was so distraught I was found working on a project about an hour after getting the news and crying.... the guy I worked for (summer helpers are assigned to millwrights usually as errand runners) had no idea what to do with a sobbing summer helper... and all he could get out of me was 'My rabbit died.'

Well, being from a different generation where THAT statement meant something TOTALLY different, he freaked out and ran straight to my father and gave him a cigar and all sorts of congratulations. They wanted to know what my dad was going to do!! It was all over the mill in about two hours that my father was going to be a granddaddy. My father was blindsided.... he had no idea what to say or what it was all about. So he ran all the way from one end of the mill to where I was working at the other end to confront me.... a crying very upset me... and asked why everyone in the mill thought I was going to have a child... I told him I had no idea. It wasn't true. I was upset because Kena, my pet bunny, had died.

I had no idea why my dad busted out laughing in relief or why he turned to my millwright and said... "You idiot. She's got a pet bunny thats been at the vet overnight who had to be put to sleep because she had cancer in her old age." My family still laughs about that story and it was almost twenty years ago.

 

[insiderart]

As an artist I enjoy nude paintings. It's art and tasteful. When my daughter was 2 I had purchased 2 paintings, one was a mermaid and another a girl as a hermit crab. Both were nude. I hung them at the end of the hall.

A short time later my 2yo DD (who was an early talker) passed by the paintings, she stopped, stood there for a bit and thought about them. I thought she was liking them because one was a mermaid. But she turns to me and says, "Mama she needs a broccoli on!"

(She called bras "broccoli's".)

 

[ADRIANNA]

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.

After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.

After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."