Doing a wedding on the cheap: update post 50

[JennsPeeps]

mom'sfolly :

I think your mom needs to be asked if she took her MIL on the wedding night with her!

Your parents need a sensitivity training course, or a that smack with the clue by four. Geesh, sorry you are going through this. Do they hate the soon to be hubby? Are you an only child? How many million miles are you going to move away?

Background:
* I'll be 35 at the end of the month.
* DF and I have been together nearly 6 years, lived together for 4.
* I own my own home.
* I have a younger brother who will probably never get married.
* My dad said a year ago that he "would be honored to pay for a wedding".
* My parents have not offered a dime toward wedding or honeymoon costs. My dad says he's afraid of losing his job.
* Since we announced our engagement, my parents have upgraded their den with a brand new 45" flat-screen TV, Bose sound system, & entertainment center.

I can safely say that they're not crazy about my fiance atm b/c they had words a while back. What they won't/don't recognize is why they had words. As for moving, we live across town from my folks. Sometimes... not far enough!​

 

[PlymouthRocker]

Quote:
I wrote back:

I wasn’t asking that they stay with you, only telling you that they’re going to try to move a mountain to be with us on our special day.

This was a jab on my part because my parents have not been supportive & haven't offered a dime. Yet DF's family, who has very little, is trying to find a way to be with us for our wedding day.​

Just a couple of questions from someone with pretty healthy boundaries with her parents and in-laws . . . Did you ask your mom if your future in-laws could stay with them and then she backed out? Did your in-laws ask if they could stay at someone's home because they didn't have the funds for a hotel? Did your parents promise to provide funds for your wedding and back out? Did they tell you they would not be able to help you financially after you asked them for help?

Wedding planning is an emotional time. While your parents may do things they regret later, I encourage you to honor them even when they don't deserve it. My in-laws are the most unlovable people you could ever meet, but I honor them (although they would tell you otherwise!).

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and I hope you don't go too crazy as the date approaches!

 

[JennsPeeps]

In all fairness, I didn't ask her to host DF's dad & step-mom. I have since done that:

Would you be willing to host Danny and Debbie if they do come up? It would mean a lot to DF and me to have my family extend hospitality to his.

DF's dad lives on disability. They don't have much. It's a big sacrifice for them to come up for the wedding. DF told his dad that we would not be able to host them overnight before they agreed to come up. We didn't promise DF's dad any accomodations of any kind.

I encourage you to honor them even when they don't deserve it.

This is sage advice. I'm super edgy w/ my parents right now, on everything from the general lack of emotional support to the total lack of financial support. They've been pushign my every last button, which is incredibly frustrating.

Deep breaths, Jenn.... deep breaths.​

 

[babylady4]

I think you need to take your mom out to lunch and have a 'heart to heart' explain how you feel and how much stress you are under....... maybe she will knock off the nonsense and realize what she is doing.......

Keep your chin up! Be the better person, and remember; it is ALMOST OVER!

 

[debilorrah]

Dang Jenn!!!! I had read that earlier on FB and wondered what the heck your mom was thinking!!!! NO ONE wants guests on their wedding night, even if you are just planning on eating popcorn and watching Madagascar.

 

[insiderart]

Ok Jen because I really like you... here goes.

Let this thing about your parents not paying for your wedding go. Plan and put together the best wedding you can on your budget and enjoy it. Let the rest go. It's not making you feel any better/happier to hold this grudge. It is just making you more and more miserable. So girlfriend, LET IT GO. Don't make your wedding day about your relationship with your mother, make it about your relationship with DF.

Now enjoy the rest of the planning. The fact that you are marrying the person you love is what is important, not that the sanctuary be draped in 100 yds of fuschia tulle... (for ex.) Most people will only be looking at you and your DF. Let it go. Pick some wildflowers to put on the pulpit. Pay the preacher. Bake a cake or two. Throw some sherbet in some gingerale. Say your vows and dance at your wedding. Remember you will be the only person who doesn't know the goldfish in the fishbowl centerpiece were each supposed to be individually guilded by a renaissance guilder specially flown in from Italy.

When it is all said and done you will have a happier day, and happier memories about the day.

Oh and I'm gonna need a place to stay after the wedding. I hear you have a spare back bedroom I can stay in.

 

[JennsPeeps]

Thanks for the slap upside the head about holding a grudge, insider. Honestly, in still being mad about it, I'm doing exactly what I've always been taught to do and what I try not to do: hold a grudge.

And you're welcome to stay here on our wedding night, though the chicken coop is a wee bit tight right now...

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

we're all pulling for you, Jenn. and we understand the stress and family relations are hard. no matter how old you are - you will always be that little six year old girl in pig tails to your parents.

sounds like they are really trying to put the clamps down b/c, to them, you are slipping away. the controlling might get worse before it gets better....yikes!

my bad MIL thought she could be the 3rd person in our marriage and control me. wow was she mistaken. we called her bluff - which was painful for everyone - but at least she learned. i think your man will probably have words again.... but you will all find a balance.

whatever you do - dont ever complain about your man in front of your mom. she will use all the ammo she can get to try and get between you.

hang in there!

 

[texasgal]

DH and I were living together in our house when we got married.. we had a little wedding in a gazebo .. my family in from out of state .. half of them stayed at our house ..

We disappeared for a couple hours right after the reception (hotel pd for and decorated) .. and then came back home and entertained my family .. they stayed a couple days and left.

Seriiously .. having family around (especially family that made a sacrifice to get there) should be time cherished. You and DF (then DH) will have alifetime together..

Deep breath .. relax .. let it go .. ENJOY the day and your guests!

We all love you here.

 

[Buff Hooligans]

Quote:
Twice!