Don't think my chicks can save me from this...

[Morgan7782]

hello everybody.. not sure if I am allowed to post this or not but I don't have much else place to go to talk.. If this is too.. too.. just delete it. ::sighs:: in my family there have always been struggles with addiction, whatever it might be. well I have an older brother, father of two, who is going through a rough time right now. Or was.. I don't reven know. I was at a school presentation yesterday, and only one of my mom's came to see (have two moms) and that was really weird. So I get through the whole presentation and after my mom brings me to the school office and sits down with me. tells me my brother shot himself. like.. what..?? yes. I heard right. my older brother is in critical condition (all his own fricken doing... sorry.. I am a little shook up and angry and scared). in the hospital. appearently he 'couldn't do it anymore'. so he shot himself. last niught I tried to go to the hospital, but I was walking through this hallway with all these ICU patiants hooked up to all KINDS of crap, most of which already looked dead. Nobody had family visiting, nobody even had flowers or cards. It was dark, and too dang quiet. so i came back home.. and here I am. everybody is at the hospital, but i told them I had to take care of the animals.. man I am just in a flippen state of shock. i feel like I am in a bad dream and can't wake up. tonight we are going out of town to get a motel at the hospital he is moved to (highland in oakland, ca) but i just want to stay in bed ad not go ANYWHERE. im sorr i am kind of.. ugh.. i dont even know how to describe it..

anyway I am sorry if this is too detailed.. or whatever

-morgan

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Lots and lots of

Prayers for you and your family, for wisdom for the doctors treating your brother, for healing and comfort for him.

 

[Three Cedars Silkies]

Morgan, I am so very sorry about your brother. This is going to be very hard on all of you. Start right now by understanding that none of this is your fault. Sometimes bad things happen in good families...including addictions. I will be praying for you and your family...and, of course, your brother.

Please keep us posted...there are a LOT of folks here that care a great deal and will support you in anyway possible

Judy

 

[schellie69]

use that praying for you and your family try and hang in there and know that everything you are feeling is normal. stay strong and you will be okay.

 

[WingingIt]

Sweetie, you ARE in shock.

If you can't go up there without falling apart right now, don't go. Just be near, be thinking of him and praying for him (if you pray and believe) and do your best to take care of yourself and the others....make sure you eat and rest. You'll get there in time, just don't push yourself, it comes in stages and there's no way to rush it or skip steps. I'm very sorry and I hope he'll be OK.

 

[chics in the sun]

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. Only do what you can handle right now, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[Morgan7782]

thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, for me and my family. i wasnt sure if that would be appropriate to post here, but i really don't have much place else to go heh. ironically my closest friends are drinkers (constant) and i don't drink or anything so i just don't want to be around that right now. i would rather be on my 'chicken board'. is that sad? not that i care either way, i am just glad i have this place for good and bad. thank you all again.. i cant decide what to do, my stomach feels like its about to jump into my mouth, or something. like anxiety or nervousness. they brought us into that dark, dim lit room with the nice couch to tell us he will probably not pull through. he ad a lot of fluid in his chest cavity and they cant tell where blood is coming from yet (this was last night no update yet).

i keep asking myself what if somebody had been here? what if something really little happened like that to change what happened? what if's are the devil..

he had the brains to put my dog/cats away in a far bedroom, i guess in case a bullet ricocheted or something. i just can't understand.. i've felt that feeling before, but never did anything because it would KILL my moms. i mean, does he even realize what is going on in his 14 y/o daughter and 5 y/o son's minds at the moment? how the heck do you explain to a kid, who just went through a horrid divorce, that his dad did this, and may die? i have no clue..

i am sorry, this is venting, if i sound angry or anything i am sorry i am not mad at anybody here of course, just.. venting.

 

[ebwy]

sadly he probably thought that his children would be better off without him.

I'm so very sorry for him, you, the children, and your family.

and it's ok to be angry. it's ok to be sad. Whatever your emotional response is at any given moment is normal.

take care of yourself and the younger ones as much as you can.

 

[wegotchickens]

Morgan, I have been through something very similar. I am really sorry you have to deal with this, Sweetie. I'm sitting here crying because I know what this will do to his 14-year old daughter

You are in shock, no doubt about it. And I can tell you from experience that the caring members on this board will pray for you and listen and offer words of encouragement. When you feel all alone, close your eyes and open your mind and you can feel yourself lifted enough by their prayers for you to keep plugging along.

What if's will play with your mind, there's no escaping them. But remember that its said and done. Do what you can for the ones left behind. Offer hugs and listening ears. Tell those kids that you have no words, other than that you love them and are there for them.

Most of all, eat, drink plenty of water, and get your rest. You can't be strong for the ones who will need you if you don't take care of yourself.

I wish I could be on board longer, but I have to leave soon. PM me and I'll be back in touch later if you want.

 

[debilorrah]

I will definitely keep you and your brother in my prayers. If he survives this, maybe he can get the help he needs and recover.