Dumb hubby tricks

[Laurajean]

Quote:
Yes, yes, of course. We all do dumb things sometimes......

(but come on! SIX DOZEN EGGS????)

 

[debilorrah]

I have to admit, I do not know what in the heck it was that motivated him to even try the kitchen floor. It is so out of character for him it aint even funny!!! I didn't have the heart to tell him I re-did it while he was out dragging the yard. I had to dry off the bottom of the swiffer to get a pad to stick!!!

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
Oh no, you didn't tell him?! Now he may keep this "helpfulness" up, and one day he'll be sitting there in the kitchen and ask YOU how the floor got so scratched up!

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Oh no, you didn't tell him?! Now he may keep this "helpfulness" up, and one day he'll be sitting there in the kitchen and ask YOU how the floor got so scratched up!

I'm thinkin he spilled something and got carried away. This is not normal behavior for him. In fact, since I met him he has never cleaned a floor.

 

[WriterofWords]

Ok,, this may get a bit wordy trying to give a visual to something this stupid,,, but I'll try! My ex husband,, Steven's father,, the drinker,,, is not real bright to start with, but put a 5th of Jack in him and all sense goes out the window.

Setting 1: Double Wide mobile home with a porch roof that slants down in front so that when you look out the window in front and you look up a little it looks like the top half of everything is gone because it is cut off from your view by the roof on the porch,,, get it?? Can you see this in your mind??

Setting 2: Living room of double mobile home with a porch roof that slants down and a bay window that looks out under the porch.

Cast: Drunk naked husband, aggravated wife, sleeping baby in other room, 3 cats and 2 dogs in living room laying in front of bay window.

Time: Somewhere between 11pm and midnight,, brightly lit night sky due to full moon,,,

Action!
Husband is walking through living room,, glances to towards the window and suddenly drops to the floor and low crawls to window,, peeking over the edge of the bottom frame of the window.
Wife: "What on God's Green Earth are you doing??"
Husband: "Call the police!!!! Where's the guns???"
Wife: "Locked up,, why should I call the police??"
Husband: "Someone is spot-lighting the house!"
Wife: "That is the full moon you moron"
Husband: "No it's not!!" Husband rolls over on the floor several times to the other end of the bay window,, displacing the family dog who then bites husband on the back several times due to being rolled over on
Husband: "Agghhh!! Someone put broken glass on the floor to slow me down!"
Wife: "The dog bit you idiot, you rolled on him. What is wrong with you???" Wife gets up and walks toward window to see what husband is looking at. Husband leaps to his feet and throws wife to the floor.
Wife: "what do you think you are doing you idiot get off of me!!"
Husband: "Call the police!!! There is someone out there!!" There is no sound of the outside dogs barking,, they are asleep in the front yard. Wife gets up off of floor, kicks but misses at husband laying on the floor peeking out of window again.
Wife: "I'm not calling the police to tell them the moon is shinning in the front yard"
Husband: "It's not the moon,, someone is out there!! They cut the tops off of all the trees in the front yard!"
Wife: "What?"
Husband: "They cut the tops off of all the trees in the front yard, they cut the tops off of the electric poles too!"
Wife: "What????????????????? Have you lost your ever loving mind???"
Husband: "Look for yourself,, but stay low,, they could shoot at you!" Wife, losing her patience gets down on her knees and crawls over to the window to see the mass destruction in the front yard. She peeks over the windowsill,, under the porch roof,,, and sees the missing tops of the trees and poles cut off from view by the roof's edge. Wife looks at husband,,, considers murder, stands up and looks down at husband.
Wife: "Come here you moron,, " Wife walks to front door and turns on porch light, it opens under porch roof. She cajoles him until he crawls away from the window over to the door.
Husband: "Are you nuts wife?? What if they see you in the light???" Wife points out the edge of the roof,, the trees are not cut off, the poles are not cut off,, they are blocked from view by the edge of the roof.
Wife: "Look, the trees are fine,, come see,, I promise no one will shoot you unless it's me" Wife then pushes naked, drunk, husband out the front door, shuts it and locks it. Wife then sits on living room floor laughing until she cries.

 

[Backyard_Chicken_rancher]

Quote:
My wife said I would so do that to you for being so stupid....
Me

oh yeah I am in tears here but can so relate that is why I don't drink anymore lol

 

[Laurajean]

No! Are you serious?! This is why too much Jack always = Ex's. OMG, that is crazy.

 

[saddina]

You just made my exhusband look smarter, Kate. I thought that was impossiable but....

 

[paddock36]

This one happened a while back but still funny to me. My DH was installing a light kit on the ceiling fan in the bedroom with help from his best friend who he shocked three times because he turned off the wrong circuit breaker repeatedly.

 

[grundail01]