Thank you so much for your support everyone... BYC'ers are a very important part of my world since I have chickens (July 2009), I have gained valuable knowledge from the collective minds and hearts on here, and your understanding and hugs mean more to me than you can ever know.
This is the very first chicken that I cannot save and the guilt is as heavy as my heart.
Perhaps it will get easier with time, I sure hope it will be.
DH has accepted to learn how to cull out of kindness to end suffering, he will do that for me even if it kills him, too.
I've never been able to face death in any shape or form, so yes while owning chickens will no doubt toughen me up, I doubt ever to be able to end a life. That's why I am very grateful to my friends for their support, help and encouragement. If all else fails, there are good vets around here that I can turn to.
You guys are the best.