Ever feel really out of the loop with family?

[dandelionheart]

Today we got a newsletter from my aunt (uncle's wife) and it had lots of news, old news in it that really should have been something that I should have been called or even emailed about... And that made me really sad. My great aunt's husband died, our family as a whole (as in my fathers family) sent flowers and everything... And I find out by a dang newsletter months later.

And that for Thanksgiving another aunt of mine (father's big sister) she had my father (who is pretty estranged from everybody, siblings, kids, etc.), my stepmother, stepbrother, and what stepSIL? I wasn't invited, which is okay, I spent it with my husband's family. I've never been invited.

Anyway, they all know that my dad is a convicted & confessed child molester, he has molested many little girls. My stepmom thinks it is normal - for a man to be sexually attracted to little girls as young as 3

which I think is on par with the molester. My stepbrother has been in prison (serious time) for theft, drugs, and arson. I haven't any idea about his wife. Wasn't invited to any wedding and it was really the first time that I had heard that he had gotten married. My grandpa (dad's dad) died last year and I feel like since then no one has really bothered with letting my brother or I in on family get togethers. But this kinda takes the cake. I'm hurt. I guess I don't understand.

 

[HorseFeatherz NV]

 

[sourland]

There is no such thing as the "perfect" family. My wife and I both came from difficult family situations. We created a better situation for our children and they are doing even better for their children. I finally have the kind of family I always wanted. I see my oldest sister upon occasion. She is and always has been a good person. All other ties with my family have been severed. You, your husband, your brother and his family have the ability to sculpt such a family for yourselves. Sometimes severing relationships with a bad family is better than tolerating the abuse that can come from such a situation. You deserve better. Don't allow such people to have any impact on you. Start with the holidays and develop your own good family traditions.

 

[dandelionheart]

Oh, my brother and I have edited out Dad - we kinda had to. He was/is physically abusive, manipulative, mean, scary man. He sexually abuses little girls - and he did me for 6 yrs. He was a deadbeat dad and didn't pay child support when mom finally left him even though it was court ordered. I guess the part that is hurtful is that it feels like his family, which I thought was a good, nice one... is choosing this monster over us.

My brother, mother, step-dad, and of course my little family all live in the same town, we all congregated here, didn't grow up here. I am VERY close to my brother. Not my stepbrother, he is kinda... in the same bucket as my father, and he knows what kind of guy my dad is. His brother (my other stepbrother) tried to kill my father, rumor has it because he molested HIS daughter.

Who has room for these kind of people? I just wasn't expecting it from my dad's siblings - it seemed like where he failed they tried to step in (uncle taking my brother and I camping a lot when we were little, aunt babysitting us, etc.). Maybe they were just doing it to make grandpa happy - he also had us up to the farm quite often. It was really rough losing him, but I don't get where they are coming from. My dad came to the funeral and my stepmom wore a dirty white sweatsuit (seriously). It was a regular visitation/funeral at a nice (formal) church. I wish I had been given at least a heads up (about the Thanksgiving thing).

I don't know how to let them know that they hurt me without sounding like I'm trying to get something. I should also add that thankfully this Thanksgiving no children were present.

 

[zippitydooda]

I read your post twice. The first time I was trying to understand all the details. The second time I was trying to understand WHY you wanted to be anywhere near these people. But, I think the hurt isn't from being left out for Thanksgiving...really, I think it is bringing up all the old hurt from your past. It is hard to say why his siblings are ignoring his past behavior...

As for me, if someone abused me as a child, I would steer CLEAR of them. You can not choose your family, but you can choose your friends. I recommend you find some people to "adopt" as the family you spend your time and energy and love with and kick those biological train wrecks to the curb. Spare yourself any more misery.

Hugs to you!

 

[PotterWatch]

I know how you feel. My husband's family (his Dad has passed away but his step-mom and several half-siblings are still around) is much the same way. We never bowed to their thinking about how our lives should go, so we have been cut off. I'm sure in their minds we have done something to be so estranged and perhaps we could have done more, but I don't think anything would have ever been enough. We invited them to birthday parties, asked them over for dinner, etc., and they never accepted. His Dad didn't come to our wedding. They did come to the baby shower for our first son but that was the one and only time they came to our house. They didn't bother to come see our youngest when he was born less than 15mins away from their house. We weren't invited to his youngest sister's wedding. His step-mom saw us in Home Depot a couple weeks ago. We were standing right in front of her, trying to say hello and she completely ignored and walked right around us. He does have two full sisters that we are on good terms with as well as family on his Mom's side, but for the most part, they pretend we aren't here. At least we have my family and friends!

 

[cassie]

Instead of feeling hurt, I think you should feel very grateful. Very grateful indeed.

 

[Blackbird]

It's seems that it's often easier to family members to look the other way instead of accepting that fact that someone they thought was good, is bad. That is how my family is. It sucks, really. I would say in the end it truly is better, but I haven't reached that point myself!

So.. many hugs.

 

[Beekissed]

Ever feel really out of the loop with family?

Every day of my life.

 

[justbugged]

Quote:
Every day of my life.

X2