Everything's Changing

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Ya know, it sounds like you are having to take care of all the problems. Why not let hubby have the kids for a while, let HIM have to do all the planning, penny-pinching etc....?? I am soooo tired of hearing how we women have to sacrifice while the ex is able to do as he pleases. IF you simply can't live without the kids, doesn't he have to cough up some money?
It doesn't sound like your family really wants to help you. I've been in the same situation (minus the kids). Made it through and am now at a point in my life where I am very financially secure, retired in my 40's and don't take crap from anyone except my animals
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It can be done, don't be the "nice" person, stand up for yourself and demand that your ex make this easier for you!!!!!!!!!!!!
Slinky
 
He is going to be giving me money, which is nice. I wouldn't let him have the kids for the world, though. I'm all for letting him babysit and have them every other weekend or whatever, but part of the reason we're splitting up is because he has NO patience with the kids, and doesn't really know how to treat them. The less time he's in charge of them the happier they--and I--will be.
 
I get it, but he hasn't had to have any patience or good parenting skills because you pick up the slack. When he HAS to step up to the plate, he will have to obtain the skills or have a court ordered parenting class (which you should ask your attorney to make sure is part of your divorce agreement). This could end up a win-win for your kids.
Slinky
 
I don't think the frogs are a big deal being in cages,but the cats can be due to fur and voiding out of the litter box. When we were between homes and stayed at my moms I set my 3 cats up in a large dog crate in the garage.It was a tight situation but they survived.When we got our house dh did not want them in the home,so I put them in a side room in the garage.In the winter I brought them in and had them limited to a room or 2,but one of the 3 peed on the floor so they went back to the side room. Hopefully you can work something out for the cats to be in the garage or the basement for a while.Maybe a screened sunroom?

Sorry you are divorcing.Hope better days are ahead for you and the kids.As for dh watching the kids I would pass on that.Someone with no patience should not have kids (that age)with them for an extended time.I would do outings together rather than allow him to have the kids on his own.
 
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Let's not put her spouse's poor parenting skills on her, okay? I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but we Moms are pretty good at feeling guilty and responsible for every issue as it is, no need to place things on her that aren't her fault.

To the OP: I am so sorry that you are going through all this. I can also understand the desire to minimize change for the kids sake (as well as your own). A divorce is hard enough on you and the family, let alone having to also give up all their animals and move twice in a short time period.

I would rent one of the apartments that you found and revisit the possibility of moving into your father's vacant house at another point. It's very frustrating to be treated differently than a sibling by a parent, but try not to take it personally. My parents dote on my sister and honestly don't see that they treat her differently than they do my brother and myself. Everyone else can see it plainly. However, it's something that I just have to choose to ignore - the only one who suffers from dwelling on it is myself.
 
I wasn't blaming her. I just hate how easy it is for the father to dust himself off and let the mother do all the work and worry. We women make it easier for them to do this, sigh....... In her situation, her husband needs to learn how to parent===which will help her and the children in the future. Actually with what has been written before, it is a good thing that she will be able to move to a better area than where she is living now. At least I am hoping so.
Slinky
 
Why do you have to leave where you're living now? Wouldn't it be better for hubby to move out? That way the children wouldn't have to lose Daddy and home, too. Maybe you can work out an arrangement so between child support and your income, you can stay put. Maybe you can even reduce your college courses and just go part time for now.

In my humble opinion, your father sounds like a loser. If you can make it on your own, you need to do that. The situation with your father and sister sounds like major stress that you don't need.

As far as giving up pets, again, if they are that important to you, I would keep them. Any stability you can give your children right now, and that includes not giving up their beloved pets, will help them adjust to losing Daddy.

Best of luck to you from someone who has been where you are now - it sounds like you are a mature young lady and you can get through this and be stronger for it.
 

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