(ex)-boyfriend problems, advice needed

[rikithemonk]

It sounds like a long distance relationship. If it was, then it was only a matter of time and none of this is actually your fault.
Two points.

Point 1) You sound young. How old are you?

Point 2) Men don't leave a girlfriend until they have a replacement. Unless the woman is mentally unhinged, emotionally unstable, or so disruptive that she unreasonably complicates his life. You are none of those things. Young girls are always clingy and somewhat over analytical in relationships. Its just fear and lack of experience. It will go away with time to be replaced with a more calm but Jaded outlook on life. Since in my opinion, you weren't being abnormal, its my opinion that he simply wants to date someone new that he had his eye on. You will replace him with someone better if you choose wisely.

Riki

 

[77horses]

It sounds like a long distance relationship. If it was, then it was only a matter of time and none of this is actually your fault.
Two points.

Point 1) You sound young. How old are you?

Point 2) Men don't leave a girlfriend until they have a replacement. Unless the woman is mentally unhinged, emotionally unstable, or so disruptive that she unreasonably complicates his life. You are none of those things. Young girls are always clingy and somewhat over analytical in relationships. Its just fear and lack of experience. It will go away with time to be replaced with a more calm but Jaded outlook on life. Since in my opinion, you weren't being abnormal, its my opinion that he simply wants to date someone new that he had his eye on. You will replace him with someone better if you choose wisely.

Riki

Yeah, we're both in high school still.
It wasn't really a long distance relationship. We live about 20 minutes apart, but because we've both been so busy (or mostly him at least), it seemed like one.
And you're right, guys don't just leave their girlfriend like that. And you could be right about him wanting someone else. I don't know. But it could also be that he's thinking ahead, to this summer. This summer he's going to get his lifeguarding job at a camp and he'll be gone for 6 weeks straight, with visits in between. On top of that, he'll be at his camp a lot and I'll be getting a job and going to camp as well. Maybe he was thinking ahead to how busy we'll be this summer, and when I sent that text saying that he needs to spend more time with me and treat me like his girlfriend every once in a while, he probably realized that it wouldn't work. He said himself that "things things will never be resolved and haven't even begun to change yet", meaning he's still going to be busy, I'm still going to be clingy and worried, and it will never work out. He also said that he thought breaking up would be best for us. So it sounds like, again, he was thinking ahead to this summer and he gave up.
But now I realize that I don't care about not being able to see him. I can deal with a long distance relationship, as long as I know that he still cares and it's still worth it. If it means that I can be with him, I want to make it work even though we won't see each other that much this summer. I want to work on my insecurities and get better at not worrying so much, but I want to work on it with him because he makes me want to do that and to be a better person. Kinda cheesy, but true. I just don't know if he wants to do the same and try to make it work. That's why I need to talk to him.

 

[77horses]

Also, in the case that I honestly talk to him and try to fix things but it doesn't work, yeah I'll be depressed and sad for a while. I probably won't date for a while. But I have friends and family who make me happy even if I lose someone who used to make me the happiest I've been in a while. Plus, there are a couple guys who've been talking to me since we ended. -_- I'm not saying I'm ready to jump back into another relationship right after if me and my ex don't work out in the end, but at least I still have some options open and I'm thinking of other possibilities.

 

[ReikiStar]

Also, in the case that I honestly talk to him and try to fix things but it doesn't work, yeah I'll be depressed and sad for a while. I probably won't date for a while. But I have friends and family who make me happy even if I lose someone who used to make me the happiest I've been in a while. Plus, there are a couple guys who've been talking to me since we ended. -_- I'm not saying I'm ready to jump back into another relationship right after if me and my ex don't work out in the end, but at least I still have some options open and I'm thinking of other possibilities.

Life is a series of lessons. This is a biggie. Being where I am in my life now, knowing what I know, the only reason I'd want to get in touch with the Ex is to get honest answers from him so I wouldn't make the same mistakes in the next relationship. Life is too short to put all your eggs (pardon the pun) in one person, esp. at your age.

We all go through life and mess things up. The reason we do is to LEARN how to be better than where we were. I'm not going to encourage you to seek a relationship with him, but I would encourage you to focus on a relationship with your self. If there are so many habits you have that you think would drive a person away, it's best to work on them outside of a relationship.

Sorry this happened but we've ALL been there and I think most would agree, are better for having gone through it.

 

[rikithemonk]

Good for you.

TIPS: You can tell a lot about a man by watching how he treats those below him. Watch how he treats waitresses, gas station clerks, and unpopular kids at school. Who they really are always comes out.

Observe how he treats his money. Do you pay for everything, does he pay for everything? You don't want either extreme. A scrooge will see YOU as property, not a person. Someone who pays for absolutely everything doesn't value his money and wont be a good saver. You want someone in the middle. Someone who offers to pay, but values his money enough to let you pay once in a while.

Watch to see how he keeps appointments with other people. If he is often late or fails to show up, that tells you a lot as well.

These are three big red flags that people seldom really notice.

Riki

 

[77horses]

Good for you.

TIPS: You can tell a lot about a man by watching how he treats those below him. Watch how he treats waitresses, gas station clerks, and unpopular kids at school. Who they really are always comes out.

Observe how he treats his money. Do you pay for everything, does he pay for everything? You don't want either extreme. A scrooge will see YOU as property, not a person. Someone who pays for absolutely everything doesn't value his money and wont be a good saver. You want someone in the middle. Someone who offers to pay, but values his money enough to let you pay once in a while.

Watch to see how he keeps appointments with other people. If he is often late or fails to show up, that tells you a lot as well.

These are three big red flags that people seldom really notice.

Riki

Honestly, from my post you guys might think he sounds like a jerk. Sure, the way he ended things was kind of a jerk move on his part. But he's always been so good to me, except for when he got really busy these past few weeks. He never rushed me into anything, he respected me, and he always made sure I was okay with something if he wasn't sure. Maybe that's one of the reasons I just can't get over him. He just seemed too good to be true. Maybe that's why I put so much faith into him and, in the end, took him for granted and pushed him away by being inconsiderate of how much I bugged him and stressed him out by worrying.
He treats other people well, he's polite to people, he's not into drugs or anything bad like that, he has good intentions most of the time. He doesn't pay for everything, but I don't pay for everything either. When we were dating, money wasn't a big issue with us. We would usually split the pay if we went somewhere, although sometimes he would offer to pay for all of it (even though I didn't let him most of the time haha)... And from what I've observed, he does keep appointments with other people, when he can. Sure, he's had to cancel on our plans a couple times for reasons such as having a game or practice, or something with his family, or being busy with lifeguarding classes...But he has good intentions. The problem was, I changed and I became bitter and worried and got mad when he had to change plans, even if he had legit reasons in doing so. I messed up and made a mistake. But I want to fix things and get him back and make him realize that things can be better if we tried to make it work. :/ Him and what we had all that time together is just too much of a good thing to give up without at least trying one last time.

 

[MamaRoo]

Life is a series of lessons. This is a biggie. Being where I am in my life now, knowing what I know, the only reason I'd want to get in touch with the Ex is to get honest answers from him so I wouldn't make the same mistakes in the next relationship. Life is too short to put all your eggs (pardon the pun) in one person, esp. at your age.

We all go through life and mess things up. The reason we do is to LEARN how to be better than where we were. I'm not going to encourage you to seek a relationship with him, but I would encourage you to focus on a relationship with your self. If there are so many habits you have that you think would drive a person away, it's best to work on them outside of a relationship.

Sorry this happened but we've ALL been there and I think most would agree, are better for having gone through it.

You need to let this go. I don't think it's likely you'll get any real answers from him about what wasn't working, only because most people don't analyze things that carefully. It wasn't working for him and that's that.

Maybe, after the summer, you could talk to him and see if you want to consider becoming friends again, but only if you spend the summer doing some growing up and working on your insecurities.

 

[Mikedero]

Still based on your comments you both seem very young. I have been there and thought the world ended but you do grow up and realize that things are meant to be the way they are. I am very sure 90% of the people posting would change allot of what they posted if they knew you where in highschool oh and that is 100% based on this comment "such as having a game or practice, or something with his family, or being busy with lifeguarding classes"

 

[77horses]

Thank you all for your comments. I understand that you guys think I should just move on. I know you might have more experience than me, and maybe you're right. But all due respect, your comments are based on what I've typed on here. Sure, I could type out every single detail and feeling of our relationship, and even then you wouldn't truly understand us because you're not me, nor are you him. I'm not saying that your advice isn't helpful, because it is. It's helped me rethink my options carefully and make some decisions. I appreciate all that you guys have said, and I've considered all of your advice. But as far as I'm concerned, from all this that you've told me, I'm going to do what I feel is the right thing to do based on what my heart is telling me and what I already know about my ex and our previous relationship, much of which you guys don't know about (like I said, not your fault, I just don't want to type it out, nor do I think you guys would want to take the time to read it all hah..). Whether I end up making the right decision or not, I'll have to find out. Maybe what my heart is telling me is wrong. I'll find out. Like you said, it's all a lesson learning process. Who knows, maybe I'll come back here and you guys can say I told you so. I'll never know until I find out myself.
So thanks for the responses, they've been helpful. And by all means, keep posting any that you might have, because I will still read and consider them.

 

[Mikedero]

Best of luck to you. Some lessons are best learned on your own, they are the ones that mean the most.

Also just as a FYI I looked at a couple of your posts, just remember there is always one true love there for you All those wonderful chickens you have. You can see how hapy they are with you. Enjoy them and again good luck