Ex-family and new family...

[Bettacreek]

I'm now divorced and with someone else... We haven't been together for very long, but, we live together, and we are going to be getting married and want more kids. We've both been married and divorced, so this time around, we both know what we want and we've found it... It's plain and simply RIGHT. However, the ex's family is driving me freaking insane. The old MIL is fine, she likes the new guy, and understands everything, as she has three kids to different men and she and her husband have no children together. She understands that as long as the new man is taking care of the children and treats them well that it's GOOD that he wants them to be a part of his family. However, not all of the ex-family understand this. The aunt has made a myspace account for the simple reason of "watching" Andy and I. She calls each day to update the old MIL on what we've been saying in our status things. Andy is a huge family man, that's how he has been raised, and that's part of the reason that I love him... So, of course, he's always talking about the boys and how much he loves his family (the boys and I). Apparantly, this pathetic aunt has a problem with this, as well as the ex-husband. I even received drunken voicemails from the ex about it.

Err, and, I have to stop, spent the night at the parents and they're up now, so I've gotta get off... But, I'll definately be venting more later.

 

[froggie71]

I don't have a myspace account, but can't you block this Aunt if she is being such a pest?

 

[Chickenmaven]

I am sorry you are going through this. The ex-family stuff is tough. And since your kids are so very young (6 mo. and 23 mo., right?), it must be hard for everyone to adjust. I mean, you were just starting this family...and now you are making a different one...
You can only do so much to smooth things over. I do have one suggestion - Quit giving Auntie something to harp about. How? Quit with the My Space. As I told my teen DD: Whatever you post is PUBLIC. If you want a private, adult family life, leave the Twittering & MySpacing to the teens. Your new guy needs this degree of privacy. IMHO.

 

[Rusty Hills Farm]

I second Chickenmaven on this one!

Rusty

 

[ams3651]

My long term relationship ended a few months ago as well. I tried to be friendly with him for the sake of our son but his new girlfriend has trust/jealously issues that he is transferring to me. His family Ive always had a hard time with. Apparently, I know now, he always told them we werent serious (over 10 years

). So it came down to cutting off all contact. He never really had time for our son anyway. And only saw him 1 hour a month after we broke up. He doesnt even ask for dad. I would never post anything about it on myspace or any where public. If it ever comes down to him trying to get visitation I want to come out squeeky clean, which is another reason I never really mentioned much about it on here. My advice is to just keep as much distance from those who dont understand. And if you think there might be an issue with the ex about the new boyfriend, just take it slow. My friends mother always says "a new broom sweeps good" so slow down, try him out for a good long time before you hang him in your closet. A great guy will still be great a year from now but waiting will show your using your better judgment where your children are concerned. My best of luck to you and your family.

 

[littlefarm_bighappy]

Oh but THOSE types of family are FUN!
I turn the tables by putting in statuses that are ridiculous, but due to the snarky people's mindset, they will soak up but look like idiots in the process.
For instance, i was planning a homebirth which freaked some family members out. They spent hours calling people and gossiping about the crazy woman who is Not a Good Mom because of her crazy natural birth ideas.
Well, I got diagnosed with preeclampsia, so a homebirth is out of the question. I may even need a C-section. So i posted i was having a Home C-Section, and was going to bite on a hose for anesthesia. Mind you-some of these women are nurses. You wouldn;t believe how upset they are now. (I am obviously seeing a doctor at a hospital- DUH- but really- a home C-section??)
Upgrade your statuses with all sorts of fun headlines "We Won the Lottery!" Great News- DH is going in for a sex change!" "Finally fulfilling our dreams of raising vicious fighting Pit Bulls!" "Teaching the kids the fun art of Home Detonations!"
Eventually they figure it out. But it's fun until they do... you may even get a Police Officer on your doorstep asking you about the illegal Unicorn Farm in your garage.

 

[redhen]

See, i'd have fun with it! I'd make all kinds of crazy things up on it! hehehehe Glad to see your back Betta!

 

[Bettacreek]

I absolutely will not change plans simply because of the ex. Sorry, but, no way, no how. We both know that this relationship is right, and I don't feel that we need to "slow down" simply because we know that we will be getting married and eventually have more children.
For some of the myspace suggestions, I most certainly would, however, they'd probably use it against me in court if they try to fight custody. As of right now, mine says something along the lines of, "yes, we are a family, if you don't like it, tough cookies, it's none of your business anyways"
Yes, it's public, and I don't have an issue with that. My main issue is the fact that these people are so worked up about it. Why is it an issue if he loves us and calls us his family? Would they rather if he was complaining about the boys on his myspace? Would they rather he hated the boys and only tolerated them to be with me? What is going through their minds?

Thanks Redhen, I'm certainly glad to be back!!!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

It is certainly up to you as to how rapidly you form and proceed with a relationship with a new man--you never mentioned how long (and we erally don't need to know), but there is a difference between a few weeks and a year. In a few weeks you have only had limited opportunities to see how you each deal with life. Many common issues simply have not had an opportunity to occur and give you a taste for the ways you make decisions and choices. In a year you've seen each other through at least a set of seasons and had more opportunities to see each other's life as a whole, not just limited portions.

When you involve your kids in short relationships you are risking their emotional attachments should the relationship fall apart somewhere down the line--yes, that is always a risk, but as I said above, the more time you know each other, the more you really know each other, and the more committment you have.

Keeping a public MySpace account with a running account of your lives is at best immature. It is also dangerous, and can come back to bite you.

 

[agnes_day]

i would definitely taking things slower..your little ones are still pretty young, and if you just got divorced, i would spend some time devoted just for them to help them adjust to the new situation before bringing a new man into the mix.