Fattie's big fat RANT

[drumstick diva]

I had to stay up this late because I wanted to finish reading everything. I am so very happy that you changed your user name. Everytime I came across "Fattie," I cringed that you obviously felt this way about your self. I honestly hoped "Fattie" was one of your hens.

I've gained alot of weight since I had my son 26 years ago and don't miss a chance to be-atch about my weight, and my overeating, ice cream addictions etc. By calling myself "fat" so often people felt it was perfectly okay to call me that too. I don't know if that is true in your case.

When we label ourselves it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I would love to be thinner because of the negative impact on my health. If I could drop my self-deprecating behaviors , etc. maybe I could get a handle on my misadventures with food.

Hope things work out for you - you deserve it.

 

[greeneggsandham]

Are you kidding me!! He called you fat? You look beautiful. Your hubby needs to do a few sit-ups and lose that "hang over the belt" stomach. Men sometimes I wonder what is really between their ears.

 

[erijn5]

I will add my 2 cents and thread kill I'm sure!!

The other night my 6yr old son came home from school and he had to do 2 pgs of homework. It was reading 2 sentences and them determining with 1 of the 2 sentences cordinated with the picture.

1/2 way through the homework, he looks at me and says I can't do this homework or read this sentence.....knowing good and well that he could, I said Y NOT? He then looks at me and says that it has a bad word in it.. I was like what are they teaching these kids, so I walk over to the page, read it and then asked him what is the bad word?

He then points to the word FAT! The question in the book was "Who is reading books?" (A) The skinny man (B) The fat man

I then look down at him so proud, I'm almost tearing up.....because in our family we have large ppl...I have always told him that he to NEVER call anyone fat, and that some ppl just have different body types and that is what they have. We never judge anyone by the outside only on the inside! It doesn't matter what they look like or their handicap! Because we have autisim and spinabifida, in the genes also this gives him a first hand in experience in helping others and knowing we are all created different!

I then proceeded to tell him that if it was in the the reading books or he had to read aloud in class it was fine, but to remember that we NEVER call anyone FAT TO THERE FACE OR BACK! I know later in life when he gets to running with the crowd it could change, but I hope that he keeps that thought of someone if he thinks it...in his HEAD and not come out of his MOUTH!

Love LOVE that LITTLE BOY!

 

[mkeawsh]

So, last Sunday hubby & I went out to dinner with his daughter (who loves me). Everything was fine until I went to order my dinner. Hubby blew up at m,e for telling the waitress how I wanted my food (no onions, green stuff, spice, garnish-just plain)! It turned into a big argument and it didn't stop there. He had the nerve to call me a Fata** in front of Jen (21 years old), and then they ganged up on me to lecture me about my eating!! That also turned into a nasty argument. Then we went shopping and every time I got out of the car he told me how fat I am.

Enough already!!! Like he is one to talk (230 pounds, 6' tall). I can't help it if I hate exercise, veggies, spices, and diet crap.

Needless to say, I am NEVER going out to dinner with him again!

I thought husbands were supposed to treat their wives lovingly?? Through THICK and thin, not just thin??

In our family when I was growing up, it wasn't my father to my mother, it was my mother to one of my younger sisters. She was not even fat, she was chunky (you know what I mean) and my mother called her even when she was a toddler - "cow, sow, fattie, lard". My sister did not even know what some of those words meant until she got older. I always took her under my wing and tried to give her extra love. I understood what she was going through. You see, I was not a pretty girl, so I was always called by my mother, "ugly, moron, brat" because she was - I believe - ashamed that I was not cute. I was a very difficult stubborn kid for her but I think that was my way of fighting back for her hurtful ways. My mother doted on one of my other younger sisters - she was skinny and rosy-cheeked, blue-gray eyed very pretty child. My mother was very beautiful - perfect shape and pretty face - even as a girl and was the "popular girl and woman" with the guys because of her looks, so to have some of her children not look like she did even as a child was unacceptable. Sometimes I think she regretted getting married to my dad because once she was married - back then - the attention given to her by other men was mostly ended. Don't get me wrong, she loved my dad and they are still married after 59 years. She is now almost 84, my dad 86 years old and I have to say that in the past 20 years she has learned what is really important and regrets the way she treated us and has emotionally apologized numerous times. I forgave her 35 years ago and really do feel sorry for her. It did leave it's scars. My sister grew up not liking herself and focusing on her weight. She has three grown daughters now and her first daughter looked like her when she was a child (chubby) and my sister would tell her how much she could eat because she did not need everything she wanted. I could not talk with her about this because the one time I did, she blew up at me and told me that I have problems and to seek help. We did not talk for years - her choice. I prayed that my niece would be spared the insecurity and lack of confidence of herself and just love her whole self - body and mind.

 

[Funky Feathers]

Wow, 7 pages went missing since I last looked.

 

[spacecowgirl]

I'm glad to see you've changed your name, Finally!

You probably don't remember, but when you cut your hair I commented not only how impressed I was by how you cut your own bangs, because I'd be scared to do it myself, but I also expressed how I didn't like your username at all.

I also saw your Sanibel thread and we commented back and forth a few times about the shelling there. I followed your dress thread for a bit but I'm not very fashion conscious so I didn't have much to contribute.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've seen numerous pictures of you, and you are not fat. I'm a skinny chick naturally, and I have to say you look just great to me.

Of course everyone could be healthier, fat and skinny people included, but your husband should have never treated you that way. He humiliated you, and that is not a loving way to treat his wife.

 

[EweSheep]

How things progressing, Funky?

 

[Funky Feathers]

Good, thanks. I think he has learned his lesson. I am curious as to what he will do for/with me on Valentines Day. We shall see.

 

[EweSheep]

Just drop some hints for him!

 

[kareninthesun]

First thing first, in defense of the books the minister suggested, I LOVE her books. She writes both fiction if you like super good fiction Veratas is as good as it gets, and straight up no nonsense stuff for husbands/wives. I think he could have worded it more diplimatically, but that's water over the bridge.

I once heard a story about a woman whom went for counciling and had nothing but complaints (justified!) about her husband. Finally said she was going to divorce him, nothing was working. The guy smiled and said that if she really wanted to do this, make it really, really BAD. Seek revenge! Before filing, for two months, just smother him in kindness. Every time he turns around, do something wonderful. Watch him and try to second guess his needs, and do them. This way, when the time comes, he will REALLY know what he is missing. Oh, and also dress the way YOU see yourself. Beautiful.

Two months came and went. Another month went by. Then another. He called to see how she was. She made an appointment, came in glowing. Said that the first week, she glowered, trying to get into the act. He was suspicious. The second week, it was a little easier, she snickered in anticipation. The third week, he actually WALKED INTO THE KITCHEN and helped her cook just to be with her. They talked about their favorite foods. What triggered comfort foods. Fourth week, he turned music on as they worked in the kitchen. He drew her into his arms for a dance. She dressed as beautiful in her own eyes. He didn't have to hunt for clean clothes, so wasn't stressed in the mornings. One day she decided to wash his car as a surprise. He peeked through the curtain and decided to wash the clothes to surprise her. She modified his favorite desert of strawberry shortcake to strawberries with her. They never noticed the absense of calories. He'd get up to make coffee as she quietly snuck outside to feed the animals. She bought him a blood pressure cuff set to monitor his pressure, and he bought her one. Neither liked exercise, but as a team they started in little steps. His diabetes improved. She refused to to issue one negative word. Had to be adventuresome sometimes. Oddly, his negativity let up. The cycle was broken. She saw a tenderness of spirit in him which he had never allowed anyone to see. Would she leave him? No. Wonder of wonders, she shared that he even shared the television remote sometimes...

My hubby suffers with clinical depression. He has diabetes. His mood swings are sometimes unpredictable. He is never physically violent. But kindness and wisdom bring an assurance that no matter what, love is worth running towards as long as the standards are clear.I reinvested in the standards of our marriage, declairing that we both needed to take responsibility for actions, including hateful words. Accountability: I used to swallow my hurt feelings, afraid of somehow (as he'd tell me) make him 'feel' bad for his actions. Once, when meds started working, I sat him down at the dining room table and sat next to him with a knife. I recounted in exact words what he said, and asked him if he could remember what I said in return at the time. He honestly said that he didn't think I said anything until he was done. Then I shared that every time he said what he said, it was as if he actually held up the knife and used it. His response was as I expected, I just made him feel bad...but I shared his exact words again, and made him listen. I REFUSE to be emotionally bombarded, regardless of skipped meds or sugar levels. If he has said or done or not done something that is wrong, it is time for him to take the responsibility, not mine to interpret. Tough love isn't just for kiddoes.