- Jul 1, 2011
- 602
- 7
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Respectfully, there is a difference between smothering a spouse with kindness and having the courage to break a cycle. Relationships are all different, but most problems start slow, with no corrections through communications or clarifications of guidelines. What I shared was based not on physical abuse, nor did I indicate emotional abuse. It is left to the reader to identify. Perhaps this started with emotional distancing. One partner backbiting of laziness, emotional distancing, claiming that the other spouse is nagging, the other complaining that sports, fishing, work, whatever takes presidence over their own needs. Perhaps they shut down emotionally. Maybe he's got a beer gut or smokes, her drug of choice is food. They don't have time for each other, and if they do, all they do is pick on each other. She sees herself through his eyes, and disagrees. He sees himself through her eyes and disagrees although not much is said. But body language says it all.
It isn't smothering one with kindness in this care, but daring to break out, invest in what they had. I find it distateful and wrong for you to post that if one were to post such an opinion suggests that there is no experience of the writer to gleam from. Long story short, my Mother was sexually and physically abused by her biological father since she was in her early teens. I was in a relationship of abuse for three years before having the courage to leave. My husband of 40 years is not physically abusive, and only since signs of depression set in (and my threats to leave him unless getting care, and demanding a change of medication, along with relearning proper ways to stay in a healthy relationship) have this changed. On the flip side, I have encouraged my sister to leave a damaging relationship when her husband became violent, unstable.
There are many documented cycles of relationships, and I think the key is to not exclude what led the now healthy relationships to be what they are now. I think that there is a minority of relationships (long termed) that haven't gone through rough periods before struggling through with hope. This isn't a rosey fantasy, but realistic challenge. Also, should we also dump into this those whom are battling life illnesses or those recovering from accidents? I have a cousin whom nearly died after being hit in the face by a wave runner going full speed. At the time, he was on a popular major league ball team. Has a stunningly beautiful wife. Over six months to stablize enough to go home, his recovery was very bleak. Never regain use of his arms, then move by himself, stand, take a step. His wife pushed him like crazy. He'd get frustrated and words would fly. Over three years, but she would never give up. He now gets around with a cane. Or how about my Mom when Alzheimers started stealing everything from her? At times, she was exceptionally mean, violent. Yet her husband stuck it out, out of love.
Again, I would NEVER advocate doing such when violence, or within normal circumstances, emotional or phycological abuse is present. It is easy, especially on the web, to stand in judgement without knowing the whole situation or even the inflections of voice. We can offer hope, practical hope without resorting to extremes when responding to what we read of what is shared.
It isn't smothering one with kindness in this care, but daring to break out, invest in what they had. I find it distateful and wrong for you to post that if one were to post such an opinion suggests that there is no experience of the writer to gleam from. Long story short, my Mother was sexually and physically abused by her biological father since she was in her early teens. I was in a relationship of abuse for three years before having the courage to leave. My husband of 40 years is not physically abusive, and only since signs of depression set in (and my threats to leave him unless getting care, and demanding a change of medication, along with relearning proper ways to stay in a healthy relationship) have this changed. On the flip side, I have encouraged my sister to leave a damaging relationship when her husband became violent, unstable.
There are many documented cycles of relationships, and I think the key is to not exclude what led the now healthy relationships to be what they are now. I think that there is a minority of relationships (long termed) that haven't gone through rough periods before struggling through with hope. This isn't a rosey fantasy, but realistic challenge. Also, should we also dump into this those whom are battling life illnesses or those recovering from accidents? I have a cousin whom nearly died after being hit in the face by a wave runner going full speed. At the time, he was on a popular major league ball team. Has a stunningly beautiful wife. Over six months to stablize enough to go home, his recovery was very bleak. Never regain use of his arms, then move by himself, stand, take a step. His wife pushed him like crazy. He'd get frustrated and words would fly. Over three years, but she would never give up. He now gets around with a cane. Or how about my Mom when Alzheimers started stealing everything from her? At times, she was exceptionally mean, violent. Yet her husband stuck it out, out of love.
Again, I would NEVER advocate doing such when violence, or within normal circumstances, emotional or phycological abuse is present. It is easy, especially on the web, to stand in judgement without knowing the whole situation or even the inflections of voice. We can offer hope, practical hope without resorting to extremes when responding to what we read of what is shared.