I did my first dirty deed with the turkey we purchase back in May. I need to preface this story with the fact that I was in the Marine Corps and have been a police officer for 29 years. I am no stranger to bad or distasteful things.
I had researched different methods of butchering or dispatching poultry and decided that cutting their throat and letting them bleed out while they were expiring was just too slow. I opted out for the quick and easy method.
I sharpened the axe to a razor edge, set up a chopping block complete with two nails placed so I could stretch his neck out and have the nails hold his head between them long enough for me to perform the deed. I then set up our extra tall campfire tripod and looped the cord that tied his feet through the top ring so I could pull him up side down immediately after the deed. (The turkey weighed in excess of fifty pounds.)
Once everything was in place and prepared with Tom in position and looking at me I had to stop... I couldn't have him looking at me! I found an old sock and slipped it over his head and then prepped the scene again.
I raised the axe and then with a good amount of force began the down stroke...
I have shot guns at people in war time and have had to inflict pain sometimes in the course of my career without flinching or hesitating so you would think this thing I was about to do would be passé?
I blinked!
Suddenly I was being knocked backward by fifty pound bird in the middle of its death throws. As I fell back the bird came with and as the bird came with the cast iron tripod came with. Not only was I cannon balled by the bird but knocked on the head by the tripod. With each flap of his wings I was sprayed with blood that left a pattern on my overhauls plainly writing out the word "Murderer" for my wife to read when I returned inside the house.
I finally realized that by blinking I had inadvertently used the method I had attempted to avoid.
I finally recovered enough to get the tripod back up and Tom strung from it for a proper bleed out.
Tom ended up dressing out at 45.8 lbs. We found a local processor who smoked him for six days and baked him for four hours. I have never had a better holiday bird. He is now immortalized in a photo showing him in all his glory before and after that hangs on our dining room wall title "Tom Turkey 2007". This year we plan on adding "Tom Turkey 2008" to the wall starting a new family tradition.