For all of you with mr wonderfulls..

[thechickenchick]

Quote:
No offense, but from your original post it sounds like you don't get it.

There are many good books on life and marriage. Start there, then
get real help from a counseler or shrink. You are obviously unhappy
and searching for something. Do you not think most of us aren't?

Half the people who posted here, Katy for example, are intellegent and
wise people who have had long lasting relationships. The other half
saying how perfect there mate is, especially as the 2nd or 3rd marriage,
are clueless and fooling themselves. They can live on whatever planet
they want to.

Sorry, just being honest.

I have an intellegent and beautiful wife who gave me the best son a man
can ask for. Even with that, marriage is a serious challenge.

Hey PC! I am one of those 3rd marriage women. I did not say marriage is not a challenge, it most definetly is. What my point was, is that I stopped looking and focused on being happy with myself and raising my son and thats when love found me. My husband is not perfect and I am even further away from perfect than he is. We do love each other enough to discuss things and come to a compromise. Having both been married before has taught us both valuable lessons and it has made us appreciate each other much more.

You are right there are resources out there that the OP might find helpful.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Quote:
No offense, but from your original post it sounds like you don't get it.

There are many good books on life and marriage. Start there, then
get real help from a counseler or shrink. You are obviously unhappy
and searching for something. Do you not think most of us aren't?

Half the people who posted here, Katy for example, are intellegent and
wise people who have had long lasting relationships. The other half
saying how perfect there mate is, especially as the 2nd or 3rd marriage,
are clueless and fooling themselves. They can live on whatever planet
they want to.

Sorry, just being honest.

I have an intellegent and beautiful wife who gave me the best son a man
can ask for. Even with that, marriage is a serious challenge.

Wow....I really don't think I saw anyone say what you read or at least mean it the way it was read. I know I am in the second category you mentioned. I am actually on hubby number 3 and I did say he is perfect. Trust me, he is. I also pointed out that he was NOTHING I was looking for, nor was I for him. I realized after the first, physically abusive husband and the second one who let me choose between staying married to him and getting an abortion (yes, his child) or leaving, that my criteria was all wrong. Perfect, in my planet at least, means he loves me, flaws and all. He talks to me and understands me. He is willing to deal with life not always working the way we planned and work with me to change the plans to fit. He drives me insane sometimes and has many flaws like all of us. My point in saying he was perfect is that he IS perfect because I learned the flaws are not what matter. Having made a mistake or two prior to getting it figured out does NOT mean we didn't finally get it.

 

[thechickenchick]

=luvmychicknkids
Having made a mistake or two prior to getting it figured out does NOT mean we didn't finally get it.

luvmychickinkids
This is a quick subject change but I had to tell you....

Why is it that no matter how hard I try to write what I mean you always seem to do it better! Thank you for this statement. From what I have read you and I are about the same age. I am sure you have gotten your share of looks when people find out how many times you have been married. Now I know what to say to those people. I LOVE this statement and I plan on using it in the future!​

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Quote:
luvmychickinkids
This is a quick subject change but I had to tell you....

Why is it that no matter how hard I try to write what I mean you always seem to do it better! Thank you for this statement. From what I have read you and I are about the same age. I am sure you have gotten your share of looks when people find out how many times you have been married. Now I know what to say to those people. I LOVE this statement and I plan on using it in the future!

Awwww....thank you!!!!

And yes, I know EXACTLY the look you are referring to.

 

[conny63malies]

THe night i met my DH he was the only one of the group of american soldiers that didnt bug me or invited me over for a drink. I caved in at one point and went over to talk with them and thats the story.

 

[NancyDz]

Quote:
I think you are searching for some "magic secret" and the reality is ... there isnt one.

Take the advice of some here, read some books and go to a counselor or your clergyman.. it
seems you are looking for a validation of whether your relationship is good or not and the
only one who can decide that is you. Sure there are obvious things like if he is verbally or physically abusive then it's not a good thing for you. But if it is a lack of communication or
willingness to compromise then maybe you just need some tools to work on it or see it differently.

Good luck!

Nancy

 

[Rosalind]

Quote:
100% happy? I mean, I could do without the farts...

If you expect 100% happiness, you're gonna be mighty disappointed when he leaves his socks on the floor. He's gonna be unhappy when he notices your armpits after a long day shoveling compost.

That said, there were three things on my list, and I got all of them:

1. Must write like Robert Browning (I have the love letters to prove it)
2. Must sing like Mario Lanza (his mum directed her church choir and taught him to sing well)
3. Must be very, uh, manly (I can't put it any other way in a family-friendly forum)

Everything else was negotiable. So we negotiate it, and re-negotiate it as circumstances require. Which, I think, is a good way to do it, because your circumstances are going to change. What if you want someone to be a good provider, and they are doing fine until their high-paying job as a stockbroker at Lehman Bros. disappears in the recession? Do you not love them anymore? Also, bear in mind that there are drawbacks to every good aspect: Someone sensitive and caring can be very emo and break down under stress, someone independent might readily decide to be independent of you as well, stay-at-home dads can feel very isolated and needy because there's not the same community of dads as there seems to be for stay-at-home moms... Fortunately all I have to put up with are critiques of American Idol and the occasional chafing.

 

[PurpleChicken]

I would like to apologise to anyone I may have offended with my
comments on second and third marriages. My words did not reflect
my feelings or point I was trying to get across.

Many of the best marriages I know are second and thirds. Sometimes
because the people married to young, married the wrong person, or
just didn't understand relationships. Every story is different.

I am enamored at people who have been married for over 20 years
and look at their wife or hubby as "close to perfect". I know that had
to take a lot of work, love, respect, understanding, patience, etc.
I know people on their 2nd and 3rd marriages that HAVE been married
for 20 years also. It just took a couple tries to get it right.

Again, no offense was meant towards anyone. I value honesty but
sometimes come off wrong or am brutal about it. Just ask my poor
wife.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Read The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein.


WHen you are whole you are capable of being with someone who is whole. Two whole adults can have a relationship.

 

[setter4]

Quote:
No offense taken.

My first marriage lasted 20 years. Only because I was not willing to leave when I knew it was over. There was no screaming or fighting so it was too easy to just stay... I have been with DH for 15 years now.
This is my 2nd marriage and my DH's 3rd...it is both of our LAST marriages!!! I told him there might be a death (remember we own a crematory) but there will be NO divorce!!! lol
I love him dearly and I think he feels the same way. I am NOT happy with him 100% of the time nor is he with me but I would not trade him for any other man on earth .
The best things about him are:
He is a hard worker
He makes me laugh
He listens to me
He would rather be with me than away from me