Foster Parents/ Adoption

[Alice28]

Thank you. It answers some. I heard there is a huge need for infant foster homes because so many people work and the states usually won't pay for daycare. I know it takes a while to get rights terminated, which I honestly wish they would shorten it because its not fair to the children who are left in limbo so long.... especially those whose parents aren't even working the plan! It also lowers the chance of them being adopted the older they get!

It's great reading from someone who has been there. Did you have young children when you started? I have a four year old and I worry about how sad he will be if we go through the process to adopt (we're looking to adopt through foster care) and then after months the child is given back to family. Also how did you refer to your foster child to your kids? Did you say this is your new foster brother/sister? Or brother sister? I don't want to call them my kids brother or sister and have his heart broken if they are given back to parents

 

[Rhandi74]

We had no children of our own. Our long term placements all called us what they wanted, as long as it was respectful. We adopted our first 2 children at age 2 and 7 but the oldest had been in our home since she was 5 and the younger one since he was 7 months old. We continued to foster but we explained to them the process and were very open about the children may not stay. We always refered to the children we fostered as foster brother or sister. All of our long term placements, except one, were adopted. 3 of my children were put through a lot from the state and it was very hard on everyone including the 3 who we were fostering at the time. The case worker kept trying to get them back to birth Mom when she was not following her plan and the family was calling and warning if they went home they would be hurt or worse from her. Luckily I had been a foster parent for many years and had the proper connections within DCS to fight for them. I can happily say that they are my children now and safe from any harm. We also asked our children lots of questions on how they felt and how they were handling the situation. They both did not want to stop fostering because it was hard. Our last 2 placements we were siblings to our daughter. They were born after birth mom lost 3 others, all were placed in different homes. We did not even question it. They were her siblings and we were done, but she knew them, and we did not want them to lose each other. Fostering is a very rewarding and stressful thing to do but if you have enough love in your family you can do it. There is many horrible stories but there is also lots of great ones. I wish you both the best of luck.

 

[Alice28]

We had no children of our own.  Our long term placements all called us what they wanted, as long as it was respectful.  We adopted our first 2 children at age 2 and 7 but the oldest had been in our home since she was 5 and the younger one since he was 7 months old.  We continued to foster but we explained to them the process and were very open about the children may not stay.  We always refered to the children we fostered as foster brother or sister.  All of our long term placements, except one, were adopted.  3 of my children were put through a lot from the state and it was very hard on everyone including the 3 who we were fostering at the time. The case worker kept trying to get them back to birth Mom when she was not following her plan and the family was calling and warning if they went home they would be hurt or worse from her. Luckily I had been a foster parent for many years and had the proper connections within DCS to fight for them.  I can happily say that they are my children now and safe from any harm.  We also asked our children lots of questions on how they felt and how they were handling the situation.  They both did not want to stop fostering because it was hard.  Our last 2 placements we were siblings to our daughter.   They were born after birth mom lost 3 others, all were placed in different homes.  We did not even question it. They were her siblings and we were done, but she knew them, and we did not want them to lose each other. Fostering is a very rewarding and stressful thing to do but if you have enough love in your family you can do it.  There is many horrible stories but there is also lots of great ones.  I wish you both the best of luck.  

Wow! You are one amazing woman. Thank you for the input. I am lucky to have a family with a good number of adoptions in it, so I have seen how to handle questions being asked by adopted children and always feel being honest is best, but I wanted to know the affect and how to help my son through the process and I thank you for your reply. I am very excited to expand my family and my husband is excited too. Hopefully one day I will have a wonderful story like yours.

 

[nayeli]

I have another month and a half to wait. I'm really annoyed at having to wait to start classes and getting certified.

 

[Alice28]

I have another month and a half to wait. I'm really annoyed at having to wait to start classes and getting certified.

Frustrating. I know it's not the same, but I went through the waiting game with my daycare waiting to take classes, waiting for my walk through to be certified.... Wait wait wait! It was very annoying until I desided every day to do a little project to make my home look more appealing. I dug up a ton of bushes (we had just bought are house) planted some new plants, made the less appealing parts of the yard into a play area. I just choose small day projects because didn't want anything half done, but it made me feel better about the waiting game. The prosess with foster care we are just starting so trying to look at it the same way so it won't stress me out. It's harder because obviously wanting to adopt it's something you just want to happen sooner, but the time went by faster and my house and yard looked way better for the daycare so hoping it will be amazing by the time I'm all ready to foster!

 

[nayeli]

I'm hoping to go to a meeting next week... but since I'm not religious and its hosted by "the call" they may not let me go and train through them, which I would find silly since its for a good purpose but we will see. In my state you also have to be married for 2 years first and we won't be two years til October so I'm not holding my breath that they will let me go ahead and start training.

 

[Alice28]

Well it's good your at least trying. You could also try to volunteer through some foster care orginazation. Then you will somewhat be "in the field" and can find out about any classes that you can start taking that will look good for you. That's weird that you have to be married. Lots of single people do foster care, but I'm sure there is some reason for the law they have. I wanted to wait until we bought are house and I had the daycare because I figured that would look good and then I would be set. And as far as the church foster classes.... maybe just try to don't ask don't tell? Or say you are not currently attending a church? It's not a lie and they might just be happy to have someone willing to foster !

 

[nayeli]

In our state singles can foster, people who have been divorced a year can, but married couples must have been married at least two years and they don't allow any cohabitors.

 

[Alice28]

Oh. Hmm. Funny how state to state can be so different! But I guess the two year thing makes scence because they don't want the kids to deal with divorce or the struggles and stress of a new marraige. But you just have a bit longer! October is coming fast.... You will be very prepared.

 

[nayeli]

Well we are just going to try to get the house in order and some things done in the mean time. We are also looking at buying a new car to replace mine so we know we will have a reliable vehicle that shouldn't have any serious issues for a while. I went back to work so more $$ coming in. I just have 2 more classes to get my associates and then I'll be taking a break to stay home and foster (and hopefully become a mom, either adoptive or bio). We just bought a house though so there is still a lot that we need and want to do with it... so I guess 5 months just gives us time to get everything done. I can be patient!