Foster Parents/ Adoption

[punk-a-doodle]

Nayeli, it sounds like you have a lot to offer children who come under your care, and I hope you keep pursuing fostering! I do want to touch on the topic of infants versus older children. I think staying within your comfort zones for ages, especially when starting out in parenting and fostering, is a good idea. Just want to make sure that you understand that getting a child as an infant does not guarantee that a bond will be formed and also does not guarantee that very difficult scenarios will not arise (which is certainly true of birth children too). For instance, disorders such as Cluster B personality disorders or schizophrenia can and do develop despite secure and loving upbringings. The latter especially can be a complete surprise, suddenly transforming a child.

I don't say this to discourage, but rather to help with the preparations and education you have already started pursuing. Remember too though that you can't and don't have to know it all. Any parent, foster or otherwise, learns throughout their parenting journey. Parents who remember to openly learn from each individual child are some of the better parents I've met.

 

[Alice28]

Well got a call about the classes we need to take. They have weekend classes in august, which I won't be able to make all of and in October, when were going to Disneyland.... so will miss one. I think we're going to do the October classes and we will just have to make one class up when they offer weekend classes again. We can't get there in time to do the Tuesday/Thursday classes. It's like an hour drive. I'm glad they make all these classes and trainings mandatory, but getting there for all of them is going to be tough! 9am-3:30 every Saturday! Will be a tough month for my son.

 

[nayeli]

We are putting off fostering/adopting. I knew my state had flaws but after talking to people who WORK there I'm definately not going through this state. I was hoping to go through a neighboring state who is MUCH better but to do that I'd have to move there otherwise I would still have to go through my state and they aren't exactly at ALL helpful. After going to the meeting I'm postponing until we move to another state and IDK when that will be.

One of my biggest pet peeves about this state is
A. they don't do foster to adopt, in fact there is NO preference given to a foster parent despite the fact that the child has already bonded with them and is comfortable in their home

B. They seperate sibling groups for foster care but won't adopt them out seperately because THAT would be bad! I'm not for seperating siblings and it should be avoided if possible but children also shouldn't sit in foster homes for YEARS apart from siblings because the state REFUSES to adopt them out to seperate homes. Adopt them out and put visitation for the siblings!

 

[Alice28]

Oh no! I'm so sorry, that's just not right. I was just reading how california has 15% of the country's foster kids. When you go to orientation there is a foster to adopt option and there are foster to adopt classes to take if your interested in that. Must be why they are so helpful, they have most of the foster kids! Sorry that they aren't as well set up and helpful there

 

[nayeli]

It is amazing to me because it is soo much better just one state over!

 

[Alice28]

It is amazing to me because it is soo much better just one state over!

It's very sad and the kids suffer the most. People give up when it's to much and to hard to deal with. I'm so lucky they are so wonderful here. I have to call tomorrow and see about what we can do with the class situation.

 

[nayeli]

Well, DH is getting a semen analysis and we will go from there. We are considering moving to be able to adopt, and even if not now (if we can have our own) than in the future because adoption is something that is important to me! I was looking for DH jobs in the state over from us and found one that I'd LOVE to move to/ him to get hired on at!

 

[Alice28]

Sorry Nayeli, that is so stressful! But I'm excited you found a place you would like to move to! We weren't able to make any of the saturday trainings, so we have to wait until January to start taking are training classes or foster care....

 

[nayeli]

Yeah, especially cause we just bought this house 8 months ago!

 

[Alice28]

I know this is a dead thread, but incase anyone interested is still on BYC, we just finalized our sons adoption through foster care. It has been the most amazing/hard/rewarding/stressful experience of our life. I wouldn't change it for anything. The goal of the foster care system is reunification, but the reality is that that is not alway possible and they need foster parents open to adoption. My son had an amazing social worker and adoption worker. We are so lucky to have our forever family and are very happily parents of two!