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That's one of the big differences between Mr. P and I--his parents were older when they met, and were estranged from their siblings by then as well as having lost their parents, so he basically has no experience with extended family (and for ages didn't seem to get that "in-laws" only refers to the relatives of your spouse--he kept calling my aunts and uncles my in-laws. Drove me nuts, though it's not like we were close enough to see anyone anyway...) So he doesn't get why I keep saying that, a lot of times, only the fact that his folks are good grandparents (they may be awful in-laws at times, but it's over-protective-meaning-well type stuff, not horrible-people type stuff) keeps me from wanting to at least attempt to cut ties. Y'see, Mr. P's parents are the only grandparents. My dad died a couple of weeks before our wedding (1997), though he hadn't been "him" for a couple of years. No short-term memory. Mr. P never really met him. When they finally figured out what was wrong, it turned out to be MS that, atypically, actually hit memory centers before other areas (I think--it's been about 20 years since I heard the diagnosis...) Dad was 49 whan he died. My mom, whose birthday was 3 weeks and 4 days after my dad's, died in 2000 at age 52--inoperable brain cancer that had not shown on an MRI taken 9 months before, when she first started having seizures (the latter one, the third-hand description I got was that it looked like someone had poured tar on her brain, and it had run into the convolutions). We've got a pretty darn good theory on the cause of that, but if I go into it here, this'll be even longer... My stepdad, who was born 19 years earlier than my mom, actually outlived her by 5 years--no one expected that... I
do still have contact with my ex-stepmom, since I found her again via FaceBook--I'd lost touch when she and dad got divorced sophomore year of highschool, which would make it 1990 (and 4-5 years before dad started showing any symptoms of anything). My family's pretty much all up in the Willamette Valley, in and around Portland, and in and around Tacoma. Crescent City, where I am, is a good 6 hours from the nearest... Last time I saw any of my dad's family was at Grandpa Hopper's memorial celebration, almost 5 years ago. Before that, I'd seen one aunt/uncle set on our way back from the honeymoon. I hadn't made it to Dad's memorial, because of the wedding plans (everyone agreed that Dad wouldn't've wanted me to delay everything)--though I realized between the memorial and the wedding that all I'd actually had left was paying people, and I could've had my mom and stepdad run around and do that--too late by the time I realized, of course, and naturally I beat myself up over that for
years... 'Twas one reason I didn't really try harder to get ahold of my dad's side of the family
I did see my mom's family a little bit more often--mostly just the distance (they're up in Salem, Oregon (not any of the other half dozen or so Salems)) and lack of funds, not guilt...
Ugh, sorry...
TL
R--I miss extended family, my husband never had any, and I'm an idiot (but we knew that already
)
