Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

[TheOLDNewChick]

Remember, you brought this upon yourself.

Sent.

 

[JennsPeeps]

Quote:
You've got an automatic fart machine?

Honey, I don't need an automatic fart machine. I AM one!

 

[conny63malies]

Quote:

Honey, I don't need an automatic fart machine. I AM one!

Ya got nerves admiting it. I try to to go for the SBDs

 

[Linda in San Diego]

Just a quick note, do not feed your dogs raw broccoli, even if they love it and want more, don't do it - do not give in.


If you do, make them sleep with someone else! I didn't know, and they loved the green broccoli and I kept feeding it to them...how cute!

Remember, they sleep in the same room at night!


Flash forward to 2 am - the most noxious smells, horrible sounds and gaggfgagg! Never again!!!



Even my DH cannot compete!

 

[Whispering Winds]

Quote:

 

[theOEGBman]

3. Here's a few things you can do when you want to "share" in bed. You can tell your spouse that you are gonna spit up in the air and if they don't pull the cover over their head it will land on them and once they do, they find the landmine you left under there for them. Either that or you can let one go silently and lift your leg up slowly to pull air in to spread the gas appropriately and then lift the covers a bit while dropping your leg so that it blasts out right in their face. I usually get a few kicks, punches, and pinches from my wife for doing that. Last but not least, let one go silently and then ask them with a straight face, "Do you smell something burning?"

You sound like my father!​

 

[TheOLDNewChick]

I'm stalking Jface today.


I was half expecting your own fart story, Jordan.

 

[SpringChickens]

Two quick stories: A few months ago, my husband farted loudly in front of our two-year-old daughter. Our daughter asks him, "What's that, Daddy?" So he tells her that it was a frog. "Why do you have a fwog in own bottom daddy?"

To this day, when she goes poop she tell us that she needs to push the frog out of her bottom.

 

[Whispering Winds]

I have to admit, that first story about the car's problem has to be one of the funniest stories I have ever heard. I even told it to people that stopped by one evening, and didn't even mention names!! I have a husband who has loose bowels; poor guy can't go anywhere without having to stop and take a potty break. . .this has been going on for years, and the fact that he is diabetic makes him think he has been for a lot longer than he was diagnosed. The funniest story that has happened to him about this, was he was at one of our rent houses, knowing he HAD to go, and couldn't get the key in the lock to get in fast. He also knew the next door neighbor was going to come out and ask about the previous renters and how they were doing, etc., etc., and sure enough here she come. Thankfully, she didn't come close, just talked across the yard. . .what was sooooooo funny is the fact my DH told me the whole time he was telling her about how the kids were doing, he was really wanting to say, "yes, things are just fine, Mel, just standing here crapping myself while I am talking to you. Other than that, things are just peachy keen." My DH is NOT a funny man, but let him fill his pants and he becomes the funniest man in the world. I cannot tell you how many secret washings and underwear trashed this man has done in the past years, but I would have a nice chunk of change if I got a dollar every time he did!! I get down in the floor over this, but he is sincerely stressed over it, because it happens at the most inopportune moment. He also went into a filling station bathroom years ago, when we were out with my cousins, and when he came out there was a man walking up to use it after he came out. DH got in the car, and said "he won't stay in there long", and sure enough, no sooner got the words out of his mouth than the guy did an about face and came flying back out of that bathroom like the devil himself was after him. We were hysterical in the car, and i am sure that guy thought we had done something to make it smell like that . . . so we left in a hurry. Poop can be funny.

 

[Whispering Winds]

Quote:
When our oldest daughter was about 11, she asked her dad if he had ovaries, and he stopped for a split second, and said, "no, I have a prostrate." Satisfied her, and she went about her business.