Gah!! My ex-husband is an idiot!

[smudge]

He spoke to our kid last night for the first time in ~month. The topic of what she wanted for Christmas came up, apparently, and he told her he didn't have her Christmas list. She saw me transcribe her list to email and send it, and told him that, so he said he hadn't read it because he didn't have time.

The email was sent BEFORE Thanksgiving.

Mind you, it's not like I send him a lot of emails, and limit myself to information about our child. I am so sick of trying to take the high road, give him basic information that a normal parent would want. (You'd think an email about the kid's Report Card would be opened and read, for example. Or that he'd show set up some sort of schedule for contacting our kid now that he's moved halfway across the country.)

Granted, if he were easy to be around... he wouldn't be an ex!

 

[marktoo]

Exes are like that sometimes. Yeah, they are!

Which is why, "All my exes live in Texas" & I reside in Tennessee.

No, not really, being happily married for 33 years I have no expertise in this area.

I do sympathize however, cause my daughter's husband has one, an ex, I mean & she can be a pain. Sorry, yours is not taking care of his fatherly duties, hopefully he will in the future & you will be able to cooperate enough to raise your daughter at least.

 

[smudge]

Thanks! I know the reason we divorced is that he's

making - and the judges agree.

The money on the divorce lawyer was well spent... So glad not to be legally part of that

making family anymore. Judging from my former sister-in-law's Christmas card, I'd say the man she married would share the sentiment. At least, he seems to have disappeared.

 

[Mahlzeit]

Sorry to hear about the ex How old is your daughter?

 

[smudge]

She's 7, so old enough to have some idea of what's going on, young enough to still idolize him.

And she reads way above grade level, so she knows what was in the original email I sent him,
because I showed her at the time. I'm not sure what he's thinking... Or if he's thinking.
Mostly I think he's not thinking.

Fortunately, she knows that she's not the only one with an absentee parent.
She's active in Girl Scouts, and most of the members of her troop are from single parent homes.

And, since my initial post, I've noticed that it's been over 2 weeks since he's paid child support...
So he's not working... or else trying to hide money again.

 

[Mahlzeit]

These deadbeat dads always seem to find jobs for cash to pay as little child support as possible. Luckily for your daughter she has friends in the same situation like you said. You guys are better off without him

 

[smudge]

Called CSEB - apparently there's nothing to indicate that he's no longer with his employer, so they're starting an investigation.

Maybe some idiot in payroll or at the bank bought the whole downtrodden dad thing and wanted to help him "save" some money for a nice Christmas.
Or he closed his bank account and opened another one elsewhere under his 5 year old nephew's name and SS# (there has to be a reason why that kid's name shows up in the White Pages).

My family at times has felt sorry for this fellow... Which is infuriating, as he has a PhD in mathematics and chose to toss his career after a postdoc at a top notch university.

*Sigh*

 

[Mahlzeit]

Called CSEB - apparently there's nothing to indicate that he's no longer with his employer, so they're starting an investigation.

Maybe some idiot in payroll or at the bank bought the whole downtrodden dad thing and wanted to help him "save" some money for a nice Christmas.
Or he closed his bank account and opened another one elsewhere under his 5 year old nephew's name and SS# (there has to be a reason why that kid's name shows up in the White Pages).

My family at times has felt sorry for this fellow... Which is infuriating, as he has a PhD in mathematics and chose to toss his career after a postdoc at a top notch university.

*Sigh*

How long have you guys been apart if you don't mind me asking.

 

[marktoo]

I think these deadbeats seek to exact revenge on their exes by not paying support of course the children get the worst of it. Sure can't have much love in his heart if he's willing to give up visitation for a few bucks, with a PhD he should be able to make ample money.

Something that may interest you, won't be of much help though. I went to visit my daughter in Florida last year & wanted to do some fishing. When I went to get a nonresident license the clerk wanted my social security number, caught me off guard, I refused, the clerk got huffy & I stormed off to find a manager. The manager said "Yes, it was required info" but didn't know why. I told her that they shouldn't be asking for info verbally, as we are supposed to be protecting this info because there are those among us that are able to do a lot of damage with such info. Bought the license from a different store at a later date by writing the # on paper, still wasn't happy about it. When I got home I wrote a nastygram to Florida fish & game & they told me that the # is required in an effort to track down deadbeats, I think they said it was required by the Feds. California doesn't require it from residents, don't know about nonresidents & I don't know what the difference would be. I'm just concerned about having my # out there cause the darned hackers are becoming more & more sophisticated all the time, don't want anyone stealing my identity.

 

[smudge]

How long have you guys been apart if you don't mind me asking.

We've been apart over 5 1/2 years, but divorced only 2 1/2. There's a lot of messy history, and he's always been annoying, but you'd think he'd at least figure out that a kid who reads chapter books should be lied to differently from a 2 year old.

I think these deadbeats seek to exact revenge on their exes by not paying support of course the children get the worst of it. Sure can't have much love in his heart if he's willing to give up visitation for a few bucks, with a PhD he should be able to make ample money.

Something that may interest you, won't be of much help though. I went to visit my daughter in Florida last year & wanted to do some fishing. When I went to get a nonresident license the clerk wanted my social security number, caught me off guard, I refused, the clerk got huffy & I stormed off to find a manager. The manager said "Yes, it was required info" but didn't know why. I told her that they shouldn't be asking for info verbally, as we are supposed to be protecting this info because there are those among us that are able to do a lot of damage with such info. Bought the license from a different store at a later date by writing the # on paper, still wasn't happy about it. When I got home I wrote a nastygram to Florida fish & game & they told me that the # is required in an effort to track down deadbeats, I think they said it was required by the Feds. California doesn't require it from residents, don't know about nonresidents & I don't know what the difference would be. I'm just concerned about having my # out there cause the darned hackers are becoming more & more sophisticated all the time, don't want anyone stealing my identity.

I'd heard about that, but I wonder who would be inspired to pay up their arrears just to get a fishing license! They come up with all these rules, but only law abiding people follow the rules. I know that NY suspended his auto license, but he continued driving, figuring that he was in Massachusetts with a MA license - not sure if it caught up with him in Minnesota.

And yeah, he's definitely thinking of himself, and not of his child - our daughter is sort of a play doll to pay attention to occasionally, not appreciate as a person of depth, with friends and interests of her own. If she ever looks to him for any sort of real approval, she's not going to get it.

Sadly, from a lot of the kids I see in Girl Scouts and her dance studio, she's not alone.