Gods and Monsters: a diary in captivity

[TheGreatChickening]

My name is Kung Pao and today is Day 13 of captivity. It is my belief we are being tortured. For three days we were not allowed to sleep and were nearly drowned if we had the audacity to lay down. We were returned cold and damp to our quarters – a miserable and exhausting experience. Taquito’s traumatic ordeal today has shown us we may shortly be deprived of food. If anyone else is robbed of eating, we surely will know the intentions of the Gods/Monsters.

Fried continues to be the stupidest and most obnoxious of everyone in here. She has learned to fly and has now begun flying to the top of Unflappable Mother and perching like a hawk on Unflappable Mother’s stiff grey wings. This, of course, scares everyone else and we all run for cover before we realize it’s just Fried being Fried and not a predator. We have enough to worry about without Fried’s ridiculous antics. The Gods and Monsters are back.

At o-ninehundred, a round, red object, which we are calling Monster, was placed inside of our enclosure. We do not know what is in it.

At o-nine-thirty we sent Rotisserie to scout the Monster. She pretended to peck around it and briefly stuck her face near it before scuttling back to Unflappable Mother. Rotisserie was entirely unhelpful in appraising us of the situation. She said it smells like the buffet, but seemed damp. What fresh hell is this?

At ten hundred, Taquito was nibbling at the buffet when one of the Gods/Monsters reached in, grabbed her up, and stuck her face in the Monster. She hasn’t spoken since. We are leaving her to recover under Unflappable Mother for the time being. Of course, Fried continues to claim to be Hawk of the Mountain, exacerbating the tenuous situation further. We have told her to knock it off, but she ignores our pleas. Some of us are suspicious that she is working with the GMs.

Ten-thirty. After a brief reprieve, Fried was up to her hawk-antics again. Spicy freaked out and ran - very nearly into the Monster. Thankfully, she flapped her wings in the nick of time and was able to leap over it, narrowly avoiding whatever injury was intended by the GMs.

Eleven-hundred. Empanada came up with a brilliant plan which she, Rotisserie, and Spicy executed with perfection. Each gathered around the Monster, turned her back, and kicked up the flooring. The Monster was covered at last! Whatever cruel onslaught was intended by the GMs has been avoided.

For now.

We remain ever vigilant.

 

[3KillerBs]

My name is Kung Pao and today is Day 13 of captivity. It is my belief we are being tortured. For three days we were not allowed to sleep and were nearly drowned if we had the audacity to lay down. We were returned cold and damp to our quarters – a miserable and exhausting experience. Taquito’s traumatic ordeal today has shown us we may shortly be deprived of food. If anyone else is robbed of eating, we surely will know the intentions of the Gods/Monsters.

Fried continues to be the stupidest and most obnoxious of everyone in here. She has learned to fly and has now begun flying to the top of Unflappable Mother and perching like a hawk on Unflappable Mother’s stiff grey wings. This, of course, scares everyone else and we all run for cover before we realize it’s just Fried being Fried and not a predator. We have enough to worry about without Fried’s ridiculous antics. The Gods and Monsters are back.

At o-ninehundred, a round, red object, which we are calling Monster, was placed inside of our enclosure. We do not know what is in it.

At o-nine-thirty we sent Rotisserie to scout the Monster. She pretended to peck around it and briefly stuck her face near it before scuttling back to Unflappable Mother. Rotisserie was entirely unhelpful in appraising us of the situation. She said it smells like the buffet, but seemed damp. What fresh hell is this?

At ten hundred, Taquito was nibbling at the buffet when one of the Gods/Monsters reached in, grabbed her up, and stuck her face in the Monster. She hasn’t spoken since. We are leaving her to recover under Unflappable Mother for the time being. Of course, Fried continues to claim to be Hawk of the Mountain, exacerbating the tenuous situation further. We have told her to knock it off, but she ignores our pleas. Some of us are suspicious that she is working with the GMs.

Ten-thirty. After a brief reprieve, Fried was up to her hawk-antics again. Spicy freaked out and ran - very nearly into the Monster. Thankfully, she flapped her wings in the nick of time and was able to leap over it, narrowly avoiding whatever injury was intended by the GMs.

Eleven-hundred. Empanada came up with a brilliant plan which she, Rotisserie, and Spicy executed with perfection. Each gathered around the Monster, turned her back, and kicked up the flooring. The Monster was covered at last! Whatever cruel onslaught was intended by the GMs has been avoided.

For now.

We remain ever vigilant.

I love it!

 

[TheGreatChickening]

The Sky is Falling: Day 17 as recorded by Empanada

The sky is falling and I think it is AMAZING! This is my favorite part! I love it so much. I am so EXCITED about being HERE and being ALIVE. Everything is WONDERFUL.

Kung Pao started the captivity journal, but now she’s embarrassed, so she won’t write anything today. She asked me to keep it up for posterity. She has been on to ALL of us to not do ANYTHING weird. We have to be VERY careful so we don’t catch the attention of the GMs. Well. Kung Pao FLATULATED. And it was so LOUD that the GMs heard and it turned into quite a ruckus, so now Kung Pao is hiding behind Unflappable Mother.

Kung Pao used to make fun of me because I always sing when I do my business. Well, guess what, Sister! No one can hear me gurgle farting if I am singing at the top of my lungs!! I also find that extra little singing sound helps to contract “certain” muscles and get “things” moving faster.

The Monster comes in every day for about an hour or two. None of us will touch it still because we don’t know what it is. I did sniff it. It really does smell like the buffet. And it truly does seem damp, just like Rotisserie said.

Speaking of the buffet!! THE BUFFET FELL DOWN! It was always magically suspended, which I always found to be so interesting and mysterious. But then it FELL! Thank goodness it happened at night! One of us could have been injured! I supposed Kung Pao would say it is just more proof that they are after us. The GMs put it back, though, so how awful can they be, really??

Fried is still ridiculous and Chow Mein has joined her in the flying antics. Kung Pao is just CONVINCED that the two of them are with the GMs because when Chow Mein started flying, we ended up getting a very long Unflappable Mother wing in our enclosure. It spans a whole entire wall. Now we have two silly chickens playing Hawk of the Mountain and scaring everyone.

In spite of Kung Pao’s thoughts, I personally think Chow Mein is NOT on the side of the GMs. Yes, she likes to sit on the Unflappable Mother. HOWEVER, Fried likes to do big, inglorious businesses up there – so enormous and nasty that we can see on the ground. Everytime she does, Chow Mein gets grossed out and comes back down.

Fried does seem to know more than she should. The place where we came from, Fried said the GMs would go to a kind of enclosure at night and stare at a giant wall of blue light, as if transfixed. She said they had holes in their enclosure so she could see them. The GMs now don’t seem to have the blue light. Fried says we ARE their blue light. This is all very suspicious. What can it mean?

My most favorite part, the very best thing, the thing I LIVE for is when the sky falls. It is GLORIOUS! And is it the sky? Is it the ground? I don’t even know! All I do know is that the ground suddenly goes up, up, up, and then, it comes down, down, down all fresh and new! Kung Pao screams RUN RUN RUN! every time, well, not since that huge, awful juicy sounding fart, but… (*sigh*) I just like to stand in the middle of the sky falling and feel it and shake into it a little and then roll around in it when it gets back to the ground. I wake up to this. I go to sleep to this. I just LOVE it.

Can it really be a terrible captivity if the sky falls?

 

[TheGreatChickening]

Best of Times; Worst of Times: Day 21

Empanada here. Kung Pao is no longer with us. More on that later.

Every single one of us was transported yesterday to The Great Beyond. We were individually lifted into a clear enclosure that was about the same size as our regular enclosure, but not nearly as tall. Any one of us could have jumped at any moment, but we were too terrified. We were brought to a new place where the sky was blue and the ground was not yellow, but green and TASTY!!

We were each individually placed into The Great Beyond and we huddled together, uncertain as to what to expect. Our water from the enclosure was brought in, as was the floating buffet. That made us pretty happy. Soon, we began to branch out and explore our strange new world.

All of us, but Kung Pao and Fried.

They laid down and stretched on the lawn. A few us of pecked at them to see what they were up to. Kung Pao always says to never do anything weird because the GMs will notice. She should have taken her own advice. After they laid about for about 5 minutes or so, a GM swooped in and scooped up Fried. After a few more moments, we heard Fried scream, “I swear on everything good and holy, if you touch my lady parts with that white stick ONE MORE TIME!!!!”

We haven’t seen her since.

Apparently, that was not enough to get Kung Pao into action. She continued to lay about on the green tasty. Sure enough, the GMs appeared and scooped up Kung Pao. She yelled a bit, too, but nothing like Fried. Incidentally, none of us believe Fried is with the GMs now. We haven’t seen Kung Pao since, either.

We continued to frolic about on the tasty green, eating it as we roamed, and nibbling on tiny moving things. One of the GMs watched over us as we played, but when it got up for a moment and disappeared, a great wind blew and we were freed from our small area in The Great Beyond. I yelled “RUN!” and we all scattered as quickly as we could. I am pretty sure I go the farthest.

It would seem that we were within walls within walls in The Great Beyond. When the first walls were blown over, the outer walls remained. I saw an opening in the outer walls and made a mad dash. Escape was fully within my grasp. As I neared a different kind of wall – grey with holes almost large enough to carefully squeeze through – I thought of the yellow ground falling from the sky and all of the pleasantries I have encountered in the enclosure. I looked back for a moment. That is when a GM scooped me up and took me back to the others. What an adventure!

That was the best of times. The worst of times was yet to come.

Eventually, we all got very hot out in The Great Beyond and we were scooped back up and brought to our enclosure. We laid about and rested from our happy excursion. When we recovered, we took turns flapping about and landing on the floating buffet and water tower. It wasn’t until darkness set in that we were hit with the brevity of the situation: Unflappable Mother was gone. Fried and Kung Pao had not returned.

Chow Mein was the first to notice. She cried out in anguish and the rest of us soon followed. Torrents of despair and fright filled our enclosure. It was dark. Our friends were gone. And we were utterly alone.

The night was spent in a sleepless terror.

This morning the Monster that has been sometimes occupying our enclosure returned. It turns out it IS the buffet all wet and soaked. Chow Mein called it Mash, and then Rotisserie started calling it Monster Mash. It ended up being a BarnYard Smash because, after each of us had a taste of it, we flipped it upside down in protest and I pooped on it, making sure to sing loudly in case any GMs were watching.

Where is Unflappable Mother? Where is Fried? Where is Kung Pao?