Good golly. I think it's time for him to get a job and responsibility!

[the Pollo Loco]

Quote:
If you are not obligated by law to share custody of your children with this leech why would you allow your kids to be exposed to such behavior? Oh please don't tell me they need their father in their lives, (sorry for the rant) but I just see too many of these situations, where women just don't get it. If he wants to see the kids then his behavior has got to change, if he really wants to see his kids it's gonna have to cost him!!! from going and picking them up wherever, to giving you money to raise these kids that you both made. then and only then (maybe) can you share your precious kids. there... I feel a little better!!!

 

[cat]

Ok, this is going to sound harsh, but here goes - stop enabling this dead beat! It is not your job to take his children over to see him and it is not your job to remind him of his responsibilities and prevent him from facing the unpleasant consequences of not attending parenting class. While you do these things you are part of the problem not the solution.

As for what your children need, they need a responsible and loving father who is setting a good example to them so they will know how to behave when they become men. They are very young, they will never remember their dead beat dad going to jail if it happens now, but if things carry on as they are now they will grow up watching their Mum turn herself into a wreck.

Do your boys and their future wives and children a favour, take a stand on how you are prepared to be treated now so that your boys grow up understanding what strong, healthy, respect filled relationships are - remember this will be the family that one day your grandchildren are raised in, is there really any better motivation to make a change?

 

[Bettacreek]

I honestly would never want him to know where we live. It would, however, be nice if he'd get off his arse and meet me somewhere. He keeps claiming that he's going out of town for "a few weeks", but then complains when I say that I will not be bringing the boys down every other weekend for his mother's sake. There's nothing through the courts, so, technically, we both have equal rights, he just won't follow through with his rights, because it'll cost us both in court fees (which he obviously doesn't have), and I'll win anyways. The BF has already said that he'd adopt the boys once we get married, but the ex would never sign off his rights completely, and I know he wouldn't.

 

[saddina]

In some divorces the judge tells the parent with the car it's thier responsibility to take the kids to the other parent, to not do so it seen as dening visitation. Also judges may not see a lack of a job as a reason to deny visitation, I can think of several friends who married/had kids with overgrown man-children the guys worked on/off while the moms busted out thier carrers, when mom has enough and kicks them out, they then claim they were staying home for the kids. It's the male version of the woman who quits work and sends the kids off to school while she sits home, and the judges have to treat it equal regardless of gender. I have one friend paying alimony to her ex, and they don't have children.

Not saying it's right, saying it happens.

 

[Bettacreek]

Well, today I had to pick up the boys from their dad's place, so, I actually stood there and made the ex call the number for the financial help. He didn't feel like going to court to fill out a bunch of papers to get the $50 fee covered by the low income thing... So, I was going to stop over to get the paperwork and make him do it. Fortunately, the lady at the desk said that I could just write a letter to the judge stating that I've done my part and can do no more and the judge would finalize the divorce for me, instead of making me wait two years or for him to get off his arse and take the class. Thank goodness! I really, really want this divorce finalized before we go on our cruise. If something happens (god forbid), I really, really do not want this man to be responsible for my corpse.

 

[LilRalphieRoosmama]

Hooray!!!!

THAT'S how to do it!!!!

 

[joebryant]

Quote:
They need that "butthead" for WHAT? He's doing nothing for them, and he probably never will. He certainly isn't setting any kind of example for them. Don't buy into that nonsense of "getting along" with the children's father if the father doesn't deserve it.

He wants to take one as a dependent?
Say WHAT?

 

[MagsC]

Ack. Sounds a bit like my ex. If he keeps it up your boys will eventually figure it out. My daughter is 17 and though she has tried to love her father, she just isnt entranced with his selfish attitude anymore.
I sure wouldnt let him claim any of your children, I would be furious, but thats just me.

 

[Bettacreek]

He does next to nothing for the kids (who knows if he changes diapers or if his mother does all of the work when they're there), but, at least the boys know that he still wants them every other weekend. He's not dumping the kids and saying that he wants nothing to do with them. That's worth a lot for the emotional wellbeing of the boys. In every other way, I'd rather he weren't a part of my life or theirs'. Fortunately, I am now with a man who is helping me raise the boys, who can actually help teach them about responsibility and everything else that their father won't. So, yes, they do have an excellent man to be their father figure. Their actual father still needs to be in their lives. One day, they will grow up and come to realise that their father is a bum and not a good man. They, however, need to see this, not have me force it on them. Believe me, my father was, umm, a less than perfect man. It took me many years to realise this. I still love my dad for sure, but I consider my step-dad to be my parent more than my actual father. I was nine when my parents split, and ten when my mother moved in with my now step-father. Even now, I do not believe that it is/was my mother's place to tell me what to believe of my father.

 

[Laney]

Just a note. You should stop looking at that tax credit as YOURS and HIS. Start looking at it as money for the kids. If you place it in HIS hands will he spend it on the kids?

Laney