Good golly. I think it's time for him to get a job and responsibility!

[Bettacreek]

Well, we sat down and did finances. That included finding out exactly how much it cost for the BF to go to work and how much it cost for me to drop the boys off at their dad's place and pick them back up. Well, it turns out that it costs me $40 each weekend that the boys go to their dad's house. Now, the ex husband is asking me if he can claim one of the boys for tax returns!!! He doesn't pay any child support, he doesn't help me with gas money for the trips I make, he doesn't help with doctor's visits or the gas for them (another $20 per visit), etc. He also has absolutely no bills, as he lives with his mother. So, I'm wondering, WTH does he need money for?! I mean, yes, I understand that it's nice to be able to go out and do things and spend money, but, you know what, GET A JOB! He's obviously getting a little bit of money here and there though, as I am still getting emails from his xbox account, saying, "Thanks for upgrading this" or "Thanks for buying that". So, if he's so desperate for money, why not cut the x-box bullcrap and use the money for something that he NEEDS, like transportation to find a job. Also, not to mention, when he moved out, he came back to the apartment when I was not home (broke in even) and took ALL of our electronics, thousands of dollars worth of DVD's, CD's, xbox 360 games and the console, regular xbox games and the console, etc. I let it go, because I (was being stupid) just wanted him OUT of my life (as much as possible, considering that we have kids together). Now, with the divorce, we also had to go to a parenting class BY LAW. He was whining to me that he couldn't get the $50 for the entrance fee. I highlighted the number on his brochure that would pay his fee. He still hasn't gone, and has received a court date in the mail for contempt of court. I told him that he had better call that number and take a class before hand, so that he doesn't get a fine. He puts his wrists out and says "I'll just tell them to take me away". Now, while this would be freaking excellent for me, it's definately not what my boys need. They need this butthead (no, I don't say nasty things like that in front of them, it's a rule) in their lives. Why can't this man grow some beans, get off his butt and DO something?!

 

[The Chicken People]

He wont until he is forced to do for himself! Like when his moms not around to sponge off!

 

[pbjmaker]

If the court ordered that you get to claim the kids then don't let him. Sounds like he is nothing but a guy who doesn't want to grow up.

I am glad to see that you aren't withholding the boys from him though.

 

[smith2]

Wow! I totally agree with you. I have a great husband, but I see children in my classes everyday at school with situations just like yours. I always want to say to the deadbeat parent GROW UP and GET A JOB or at least try to GET A JOB. You stick to your guns and tell him to take a hike. If he wants benefits he needs to accept responsibilities.

 

[Goose and Fig]

Don't let a non-custodial parent claim them on their taxes. Especially if you aren't getting child support! Why would you GIVE them money? My ex tries to do this to me every year, even though I have the rights to it. Fortunately I know how to do my taxes and send them in first. He can't even figure out the 1040 EZ and has to pay someone to do it!

I plead temporary insanity for ever marrying that ass in the first place.

 

[LilRalphieRoosmama]

Oh WOW

It's uncanny how similar our experiences are! Learn how to say - repeat after me - NO! I've been divorced for 10 years and he still lives with mommy. Don't be nice just to shut him up and keep him out of your life as much as you can. Trust me - if you do, it'll only get worse. He has a responsibility to provide for the kids and you should not shoulder it all.

Some men just never grow up and learn how to manage money. When we divorced, the judge divided the credit cards and told us to close the accounts and reopen them as individual instead of joint. I did, he did not. One day I received a garnishment order because he racked up $16K on his credit card that was still a joint account. Guess what? Doesn't matter that HE did it - I was still responsible for the debt. I got a lawyer and took him to court. The only thing they could do was get him on contempt and throw him in jail if he stopped paying it (they did repeal the garnishment though.) My credit is ruined and it was flawless.

I also heard the whining and crying about how he couldn't afford the child support, or he couldn't buy food for the twice a week the kids were there, blah blah blah...and so I tried to work with him and ended up paying for just about everything. Here we are 10 years later and nothing has changed, other than the fact that they just shut his company down this week so now he's unemployed. If he doesn't make that credit card payment, I won't hesitate this time to throw his butt in jail on contempt. I've had enough.

Don't cave - be strong, and stick to your guns. Wish I had learned that 10 years ago.

 

[Bettacreek]

I must admit, I'm very fortunate. We never had credit cards or any loans. Thank goodness for that!

 

[EweSheep]

My sis had a nasty divorce with her ex, and he tried to claim his boys on his income tax in another state. Sorry, she gets ALL the income tax returns and he has not paid any red cent to their support. Now she remarried, her boys had their last name changed/adopted to their new step father's name and never saw their bio father's sorry butt again.

So do not support him at all, no money at all! After all, he is out on his own. He is putting a guilt trip on you when he says they can come and take me away.....I know it isn't what your boys need but it would be BEST for him to face jail time or fines for his ignorance. Let him pave the road he created and you can keep on trucking with your new BF and your boys a shiny new gold brick road! Truck on Betta!

 

[Whispering Winds]

My dd is going through something similar right now. Her DH left her 8 months ago for his brother's wife, and now she is so scared to let them do their taxes together, he is considering filing married but separate because of it, and it will cost them so much money doing it that way, according to what a tax person told dd, that its not worth it. He has an appt. with our tax guy this Tuesday and I hope he tells him what a #$%$#$ he is. DD told him they don't even have to go together, they can just sign separately. BUT, I told her you will have to sign the check at the same time at the bank or WM or wherever, because if two names are on the check, you have to be there in peson with ID to sign and cash.

I wouldn't let him claim either boy . . .that is crazy. What you do every day for the livelihood of your children should more than enough qualify you to claim them both!!!!

 

[redhen]

If he pays no support, he shouldnt get any tax return..period.
ALSO..why in gods name are YOU traveling to bring him his kids? Maybe if he cant get access to them..he'll get off his butt and get a car...
you're making things way to easy for him...