Granny's gone and done it again

[twisted-acres-farm]

 

[Wishing4Wings]

Its in the garbage can next to me but it literally just curled up when it died and you couldnt tell anything.

You need a magnifying lens. Can straighten it out with some toothpicks... you can tell a lot, like how many legs it has.

 

[twisted-acres-farm]

 

[twisted-acres-farm]

And a groaner for wishing

 

[twisted-acres-farm]

"Yesterday Is History, Tomorrow Is a Mystery, but Today Is a Gift. That Is Why It Is Called the Present."

 

[twisted-acres-farm]

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 18 year old's)

________________________________


Q. Name the four seasons

A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar


Q. How is dew formed

A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them sweat


Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on

A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed


Q. What are steroids

A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now,there is little hope)


Q. What happens to your body as you age

A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental


Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty

A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)


Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes

A. Premature death


Q. What is artificial insemination

A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow


Q. How can you delay milk turning sour

A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)


Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)

A.The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U (with?)


Q. What is the fibula

A. A small lie


Q. What does "varicose" mean?

A. Nearby


Q. What is the most common form of birth control

A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work)


Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'

A.The caesarean section is a district in Rome


Q. What is a seizure?

A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)


Q. What is a terminal illness

A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)


Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?

A.Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)


AND THE BEST IS LAST:


Q. What is a turbine?

A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head. (now we’re getting somewhere

 

[Wishing4Wings]

Groan-o-rama!

 

[twisted-acres-farm]

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS
YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?
WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE
WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A
NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA,
WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK
HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY
SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET
CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED
ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY
LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY
CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED
HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL .

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE.

'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED

HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK?

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN THE UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED,

FAT ARSED,

GREY HAIRED,

DECREPIT,

BASTARD ASKED..

'WHAT SUBJECT DID YOU TEACH?'
*******************************

 

[twisted-acres-farm]

sorry my cousin had been busy.

 

[Wishing4Wings]

Cheese anyone?

Hubs said he is not high enough to see the yaks.

Looks like the sun is up now.