- Thread starter
- #471,681
Morning all, Tom has Drs today and I will need to get us both dressed. Booo.. Thats not easy.
Granny's gone and done it again
- Thread starter Granny Hatchet
- Start date
Good luck today.
But what if you feel like cheese dip that has been sitting out in the sun for about a week?
- Thread starter
- #471,685
I feel like mashed potatoes. Not whipped, mashed!
- Thread starter
- #471,686
I was on the wrong menu on the computer and you would of thought the world had came to an end. I asked Robert to calm down but I waited too long. They are finally out the door and I have no idea what I ordered or am getting for dinner.Toms appt. isn't til 4 and I will need to leave here around 2:30. Half hr early but I need to make a pit stop and hopefully I wont be too long there. I still haven't heard if we were approved for Medicaid or not. No news is good news? Not from them normally.
I have foody things to do too. Maybe. Gotta check those peaches.
- Thread starter
- #471,689
time to get ready. Yall have a good day.
Long read and I haven't read it all yet so hope its worth it! hahaa
If we're quiet we can observe the strange, and often misunderstood, Older Woman. She can often be found in her natural habitat: the sofa, in her natural plumage: the dressing gown.
The older woman is a multi-faceted creature capable of impressive multi-tasking: she can sneeze, wee and fart all at the same time.
The pelt of the older woman appears thick in some places yet is disappearing at an alarming rate from others; her eyebrows, legs, armpits and fanny are balding on a daily basis.
This is because while she is sleeping small creatures from other species come and steal her hair, to make nests for themselves. After a while, when they have finished with the hair, they very kindly return it. Unfortunately, they can't remember where they took it from in the first place. So, to avoid waking the older woman (and facing her anger at being woken from a sleep it took her two hours to get in to) they shove it back onto the first place they see: her face.
Hence the older woman awakes to find a newly acquired luscious beard and moustache. The small creatures who created this masterpiece admire their work, then tiptoe smugly away hoping that she is thrilled with their endeavours. We have it on good authority that, NO - SHE FOOKING IS NOT!
Like the very young of the species, the older woman also suffers with continence issues and also like the very young she has to wear a nappy. Unlike with the very young nobody finds this cute - least of all the older woman herself. Leaking when doing even mundane things, like walking back to her lair from the watering hole, is feckin annoying for her.
The older woman has a very poor memory and at different times of the day can be found sleeping on a different sofa. She's also often spotted wandering around the grasslands trying to find her parked car.
At this point in her life, she starts to lay down extra padding to protect her from inanimate objects that now throw themselves in her direction with evil intent - door handles, sharp corners of dressers and obnoxious table legs all gang up to piss her off. There doesn't seem to be any other reason for this extra padding, unless she is evolving into a whale. It's not as if she needs this extra fat to assist with hibernation, although she often thinks that sounds like a bloody marvellous idea.
Her arms are also interesting, as they seem to be turning into wings. Perhaps she is actually evolving into a seagull and will soon be found flying around squawking, crapping on people who annoy her and swooping down to steal their chips.
On the other hand, with all the facial hair she is sprouting, she could indeed be evolving into a yeti. Be aware that if she sits on your sofa you will probably need to use a pet de-fuzzer, to remove all the hair she will inevitably leave behind.
It is also at this point that swear words never uttered before become permanent residents in her vocabulary. She has perfected several variations of the 'F' word and is not afraid to use them. Occasionally...Sporadically...Regularly...All the effin time!!
This creature can no longer regulate her temperature. Being engulfed with eyebrow singeing heat can make her very dangerous. She also struggles with supressing the desire to kill other species around her who are behaving like feckin' idiots, or even just breathing. The breathers are the worst.
There is only a female of this species, as the male realised pretty quickly that it couldn't cope with all the shit the female has to deal with.
Always approach the older woman with care...and if you value your life, DO NOT WAKE HER UP!
Long read and I haven't read it all yet so hope its worth it! hahaa
If we're quiet we can observe the strange, and often misunderstood, Older Woman. She can often be found in her natural habitat: the sofa, in her natural plumage: the dressing gown.
The older woman is a multi-faceted creature capable of impressive multi-tasking: she can sneeze, wee and fart all at the same time.
The pelt of the older woman appears thick in some places yet is disappearing at an alarming rate from others; her eyebrows, legs, armpits and fanny are balding on a daily basis.
This is because while she is sleeping small creatures from other species come and steal her hair, to make nests for themselves. After a while, when they have finished with the hair, they very kindly return it. Unfortunately, they can't remember where they took it from in the first place. So, to avoid waking the older woman (and facing her anger at being woken from a sleep it took her two hours to get in to) they shove it back onto the first place they see: her face.
Hence the older woman awakes to find a newly acquired luscious beard and moustache. The small creatures who created this masterpiece admire their work, then tiptoe smugly away hoping that she is thrilled with their endeavours. We have it on good authority that, NO - SHE FOOKING IS NOT!
Like the very young of the species, the older woman also suffers with continence issues and also like the very young she has to wear a nappy. Unlike with the very young nobody finds this cute - least of all the older woman herself. Leaking when doing even mundane things, like walking back to her lair from the watering hole, is feckin annoying for her.
The older woman has a very poor memory and at different times of the day can be found sleeping on a different sofa. She's also often spotted wandering around the grasslands trying to find her parked car.
At this point in her life, she starts to lay down extra padding to protect her from inanimate objects that now throw themselves in her direction with evil intent - door handles, sharp corners of dressers and obnoxious table legs all gang up to piss her off. There doesn't seem to be any other reason for this extra padding, unless she is evolving into a whale. It's not as if she needs this extra fat to assist with hibernation, although she often thinks that sounds like a bloody marvellous idea.
Her arms are also interesting, as they seem to be turning into wings. Perhaps she is actually evolving into a seagull and will soon be found flying around squawking, crapping on people who annoy her and swooping down to steal their chips.
On the other hand, with all the facial hair she is sprouting, she could indeed be evolving into a yeti. Be aware that if she sits on your sofa you will probably need to use a pet de-fuzzer, to remove all the hair she will inevitably leave behind.
It is also at this point that swear words never uttered before become permanent residents in her vocabulary. She has perfected several variations of the 'F' word and is not afraid to use them. Occasionally...Sporadically...Regularly...All the effin time!!
This creature can no longer regulate her temperature. Being engulfed with eyebrow singeing heat can make her very dangerous. She also struggles with supressing the desire to kill other species around her who are behaving like feckin' idiots, or even just breathing. The breathers are the worst.
There is only a female of this species, as the male realised pretty quickly that it couldn't cope with all the shit the female has to deal with.
Always approach the older woman with care...and if you value your life, DO NOT WAKE HER UP!
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