Oh my goodness. This reminds me of a few different times with Scott.
We always held hands when walking together. He started letting go. Then it stopped all the way.
I wrote some things down and saved some, like this one ~~ My sweet heart said to me last night after talking a bit... I just want to be me. He can tell he is getting worse. I'm going to talk to the Dr. about the meds. I think they are making things worse.. more fast.
~ It was sad enough for me to see that he was fading away, but for him to notice, broke my heart.
Here's another I'll never forget. Some do come out of the fog for a bit. I was blessed with one of those. ~~
My husband hadn't spoken a full sentence, in the right way for months. One night he places his hand on my leg as we are sitting in front of the t.v. I look down at his hand, then look over at him wondering what in the world. He hadn't shown any type of love/emotion in months. As I look at him, puzzled, he says, in a full sentence, and with compassion...I want you to know that I appreciate everything you are doing for me with this. I was shocked. All I could say was, you're welcome. Then leaned in as he leaned in to give me a quick kiss. I tried hard not to cry. Tears came quietly. He was back to his show, quiet. No more sentences until that night. One more given blessing came as I bent over to help him remove his shoes. He puts his hand up and quietly says, I've got this sweetheart. I stepped back in awe again. He did his shoes that night. Went to bed. Woke up back into his stage 5 and part 6. I'll never forget that night.
Another moment that I've been grateful for. I had been looking for a very important paper for about a week. I looked and prayed that I would find it. I knew it was in one of my large dressers. One had a big pile of papers. I looked through that several times. I said a prayer again before going in one day. I went to the smaller dresser and lifted out several car papers. I saw a yellow piece of paper. Not the kind of paper I was looking for, but I opened it. A note, from Scott! And what a loving loving note it was. I could tell he had written it once things had begun to get worse, misspelled words, scratched out words with another try at the spelling. I cried with the beautiful thought of him trying so hard to write me a love letter. I won't share it all, but he was telling me how special we were together. He had hidden it for me to find later and knew I would eventually be going through those papers some day. Did I ever find the paper I was looking for? Yes. Another prayer after reading Scott's note, because I knew I had found another paper intended for me, his. So I look at the big dresser again. I go through that pile of papers again. There it was.
He was humble, kind, caring, loving towards me like I had never known before. We were truly in love. I'm so grateful he didnt have this disease as long as so many do. On the other hand, I'm so sad he didn't live longer since the diagnosis. What I've learned since is, it starts way before any of us even notice. Yes, I noticed something was wrong a good 2 years before the diagnosis..but it seemed to come out of nowhere. Hard at times? Yes. Would I do it again for him knowing how it would be? Yes!!
Oh, do I miss that man of mine.
Wow. Thank you Granny for helping these memories come to mind again. I'm going to go read that note now. I know right where it is.
We always held hands when walking together. He started letting go. Then it stopped all the way.
I wrote some things down and saved some, like this one ~~ My sweet heart said to me last night after talking a bit... I just want to be me. He can tell he is getting worse. I'm going to talk to the Dr. about the meds. I think they are making things worse.. more fast.
~ It was sad enough for me to see that he was fading away, but for him to notice, broke my heart.
Here's another I'll never forget. Some do come out of the fog for a bit. I was blessed with one of those. ~~
My husband hadn't spoken a full sentence, in the right way for months. One night he places his hand on my leg as we are sitting in front of the t.v. I look down at his hand, then look over at him wondering what in the world. He hadn't shown any type of love/emotion in months. As I look at him, puzzled, he says, in a full sentence, and with compassion...I want you to know that I appreciate everything you are doing for me with this. I was shocked. All I could say was, you're welcome. Then leaned in as he leaned in to give me a quick kiss. I tried hard not to cry. Tears came quietly. He was back to his show, quiet. No more sentences until that night. One more given blessing came as I bent over to help him remove his shoes. He puts his hand up and quietly says, I've got this sweetheart. I stepped back in awe again. He did his shoes that night. Went to bed. Woke up back into his stage 5 and part 6. I'll never forget that night.
Another moment that I've been grateful for. I had been looking for a very important paper for about a week. I looked and prayed that I would find it. I knew it was in one of my large dressers. One had a big pile of papers. I looked through that several times. I said a prayer again before going in one day. I went to the smaller dresser and lifted out several car papers. I saw a yellow piece of paper. Not the kind of paper I was looking for, but I opened it. A note, from Scott! And what a loving loving note it was. I could tell he had written it once things had begun to get worse, misspelled words, scratched out words with another try at the spelling. I cried with the beautiful thought of him trying so hard to write me a love letter. I won't share it all, but he was telling me how special we were together. He had hidden it for me to find later and knew I would eventually be going through those papers some day. Did I ever find the paper I was looking for? Yes. Another prayer after reading Scott's note, because I knew I had found another paper intended for me, his. So I look at the big dresser again. I go through that pile of papers again. There it was.
He was humble, kind, caring, loving towards me like I had never known before. We were truly in love. I'm so grateful he didnt have this disease as long as so many do. On the other hand, I'm so sad he didn't live longer since the diagnosis. What I've learned since is, it starts way before any of us even notice. Yes, I noticed something was wrong a good 2 years before the diagnosis..but it seemed to come out of nowhere. Hard at times? Yes. Would I do it again for him knowing how it would be? Yes!!
Oh, do I miss that man of mine.
Wow. Thank you Granny for helping these memories come to mind again. I'm going to go read that note now. I know right where it is.
