Great DH, bad dogs! another update page 11

[agnes_day]

Quote:
My husband and I used to fight also. He was insecure and I had grown up in an abusive household and didn't want to ever give in. It took a few years for us to have a happy marriage. Now he is the love of my life. So, I know that rocky marriages can improve.

I think that part of our problem was our age when we married. Plus neither of us had parents who had healthy marriages.

The original poster's husband sounds as if he was being childish. But we are only getting one side of this story. I am not certain that at this point we should psychoanalyze this man. His problem might simply be that he is young. I am not saying that he is not controlling either. All I am saying is that we don't know yet.

I think that both of these individuals need marriage counseling.

My advice to the OP: Yes, set limits and know that you deserve respect. Don't accept disrespect. But you have to learn to argue in a more productive manner. Having an attitude(if you really do) is not a good thing. Just as he has to respect you, you need to return the respect. And yes, people can get very angry with one another and still be respectful.

It sounds as if now that discussion time has rolled around that you and he are having trouble.

that was our problem too...we were 17 and 18 when we married, and we both came from really crappy families..it took a lot of time, talking it out, and compromise to get our marriage into good shape.

 

[greyhorsewoman]

I didn't read through the 13 pages. Just wanted to make a suggestion, in case it has been suggested yet, for your older dog. They sell 'belly bands' to help with dogs that are incontinent (or hard to housebreak from lifting their legs on furniture). Since your ol'fella sometimes just can't help himself, perhaps that might help.

And, to add, been married 35 years ... got married pretty young. We've had our fair share of ups and downs. NEVER did either us consider it acceptable to leave for day(s) after an argument. To separate awhile to 'cool off' is one thing, to desert is another. The best advise given so far is to seek professional advise ... individually and collectively.

 

[thebritt]

If your situation is anything like mine (with the dh pulling off the silent treatment, not coming home, etc.), then I say I fully understand having an "attitude". It becomes a defense mechanism - to let the other know that you're ticked off because they're po'd kind of thing. It doesn't work, but I understand it completely. I try to tell myself "serenity now" (I'm a Seinfeld fanatic), and hope it passes. It does, but the issue in question is never resolved. Wish I had some beneficial tips for you, but I can only say I can fully empathize. Hang in there and be strong!

 

[chickerdoodle]

Quote:
I think that your age made your marriage easier. As I already wrote, the beginning of my marriage was very rocky. But now we are soul mates. Just being older and more experienced made a world of difference in both of us.

Yes wisdom does come with age!

Thank goodness something does

 

[LegHorn-BusHorn]

Ok, anyone that wants to know. He came back and I let him back. Still the issue is not completely resolved because I am not going to change anything I do. So maybe sometime in the near future we can talk about a resolution. Thanks for all the great support! I had a great place to vent and great advice was given.

 

[redhen]

Good luck!

 

[Elite Silkies]

He should except you for who you are anyway. If you have to change a person to wan to be with them, then you should not be there in the first place.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

Not being willing to change and expecting the other too isn't going to help. You both have to work at it.

 

[rufus]

4. No Trolling (posting to provoke others, luring them to flame or rant). Trolling is sometimes done involuntarily, so please be considerate when posting.​

 

[agnes_day]

that was the lamest attempt at being inflammatory i have ever read.