Great DH, bad dogs! another update page 11

[horsejody]

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Hellooooo...why could your DH not answer the door while you were in the shower??? Did the cat have him pinned down! Just kidding, but like the other poster sid, the dogs were there first so he should expect things like you are saying to happen!

I wondered about why he didn't anser the door too. Was answering the door just not his problem? I think your DH just needs to get over himself. Sorry to be blunt, but he sounds like a big baby. Perhaps he wants all of your attention and is jealous of the animals. He also sounds a bit controlling. I say ignore him. If you let him push your buttons, he'll keep doing it and try to control you even more. Don't be a slave to his problems. Keep the dogs. He'll get over it, or he won't. It's his problem, not yours. He married somebody with dogs. If he ever tries to make you chose between getting rid of the animals or him, keep the animals.

When my daughter was little, she told me that when she got married she would be on horseback and her pets would all be in the wedding. That way her husband would know that he wasn't just marrying her. He would be marrying all of them. I thought that was pretty smart for a little kid. My DH is very tolerent of my animals. I once overheard him talking to a friend that asked him why the dog was in the house and on the furniture. He just told his friend, "Trust me. I would leave before that dog would." BTW DH loves that dog as much as I do. We both call him "the Baby."

 

[Chicks_N_Horses]

Quote:
I forgot to add: I would never throw away a good DH over any animal....one I had previously or after. I have troubles out of my DH with critters....My DH is an awesome man and father and I would never toss him out over any of them. He is worth much more to me than any animal I have.

Marriage is about compramise and working together on things....lots of sacrifices in it too to make them work....No one will really be able to give you the magic advice and I wouldn't even pay some of this advice any attention on here....you guys know each other well and will have to work together on it to make each one happy....you both have to give a little..and sometimes a little more than the other. If you both won't budge on anything then nothing will be accomplished and your marriage will be thrown away over an 'animal' and that would be sad. Again, GOOD LUCK -

 

[wildorchid053]

my first thought was if he can't tolerate your animals, what will happen if you have children.. there will be spilt milk.. toys all over.. etc. will he be able to cope? he needs to take a chilll and learn to take it in stide as normal behavior not something the animal does on purpose just to annoy him.

 

[Hoosiermomma]

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Sorry, don't get my started on this....

I have been in dog rescue over 17 years. This is one of my pet peeves since we get a lot of dogs surrendured due to spouse/bf/gf issues. I know I shouldn't have, but I always said if they can't take you and your animals then they(spouse, bf/gf)aren't worth being with in the first place! When someone makes that commitment to be with you it is for 'better or worse' and ALL that entails, not some or part of, ALL It's a total package and he knew well beforehand that you had your 'babies'. I would set things straight with him and say this is how things are. Dogs/cats are the way they are. The older they get the more issues come up.
When my husband and I got married we only had one dog. Well now we have 5 kids, 9dogs, 10 cats, 8 lovebirds, 1 chinchilla, 8 rabbits, 25+ chickens, 2 peafowl, 2 peachicks , etc.. Sure he gets a little upset sometimes about the dogs 'messing' in the driveway, my cats using our garage as their cathouse, chickens destroying my landscape, kids breaking and ruining things and so on. Well he knows all that comes with me. It's a package deal. I have also told him on numerous occasions that if he doesn't like it or can't handle it, he knows where the door is. I do mean that too. This is who I am and my animals are my family too! He married me for better or worse, through thick and thin til death do us part. I know that he will never leave b/c he loves and respects me. We have been married 18 years now and so if he can live with me and my animals your dh can too. Just lay down the law now. LOL

 

[kwgrid]

MHO, "the bloom is off the rose" for the DH. I can understand how, over time, little annoyances can add up to a whole kettle of upset. Dating and occasionally being around it is one thing but being around a longstanding situation 24/7 for a while can eventually bring the full picture into view and he doesn't like what he "sees'. What may be adding to it is that perhaps he feels that you value the dogs more than him..or rather his upsets... and he resents it.

I would respect his upset but try to talk about the situation and ask for his suggestions of what to do about it. That's not to say you have to act on them. Give him the space to communicate until he can communicate calmly and reasonably. If he at least comes to feel that you respect his feelings, maybe he will have more tolerance for the situation and come to love the dogs. Who knows.

Just some thoughts.

 

[Elite Silkies]

Quote:
I am with your sister on this one. If he loves you, he will accept everything about you. Is this the only thing he complains about? Or is constantly other things as well? Even if my husband hates something, he'll do it anyway, just because he knows I want to. He is always trying to make me happy.......... He says I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. Your DH should be doing the same thing. He jokes with me when I need him to do something or I say I am going to do this or that, and he'll say oh now, that is really going to cost you.

How long have ya'll been married? Just seems like to me he is already trying to change the person you really are. If that is the case, he should have never ask you to marry him, because he is only breaking your heart now. He should accept you for who you are. My DH accepted me, my son and my MOTHER! We all live together.

Don't let him change who you are, and don't let him control your life. Your a free woman and there are lots of FREE men available that will love eveything about you.

I too have an older MinPin, and he has accidents while he is asleep. So what, I have to wash my bedding all the time with vinegar to get the smell out, but I wouldn't change anything for the world. I love my dog, he's a good boy, and can't help it. You can't keep a cat off of furniture like you can a dog.

I also have a puppy, and he has accidents. He likes to pee on our pillows, nothing like laying down a pee saturated pillow. That's why I keep several extras, for when those have to go to the washer. You just make adjustments in life. I love my little dog and loves us, and he is learning.

Okay, I'll stop rambling now. Just don't lose who you are........

 

[BarbK]

I would suggest sitting down and discussing things with DH. Do you have children or plan to? If you don't you guys really need to deal with these issues before you do. If you don't think you can talk reasonably alone find a counselor to sit down with you. He knew about the animals before you married HOWEVER you also knew about his feelings towards them before marriage. Try to come up with a reasonable copromise.
That said I will never choose a man over my animals. Never again will it be what the man alone wants after 2 bad relationships. My soon to be DH is the type that grew up on the farm and all the animals had to have a use and had to be outside. He is also scared of poultry. I grew up on a farm but we also had pets that slept with us and now I'm an RVT who brings anything and everything home. Can we say compramise!!! We have time just to ourselves in the bedroom THEN invite the animals in. Dog comes on bed for a little attention then sleep on the floor, in moms room, or the my DD room. Cats can sleep on bed as long as they stay off of his pillow (they are starting to learn that). He is fine with the goats, horse and rabbits. The chickens and turkeys he is starting to like.
Before we got majorly involved in the relationship we sat down and talked about children, pets and what we were planing on doing with our lives so we didn't have any surprises. (other than his parents. Ugh thats another story)
Sorry about the long post.
Try and sit down with DH if that doesnt work get a pro to sit with you and talk.

 

[HenPen]

If he can not tolerate and try to understand something you truely love and is such a part of you then how can he honestly say he loves you??

I have been there,I lived alone and had a house full of rescues when DH and I met.We discussed animals alot because he never had them growing up and does not like having them(he could not understand the bond).I told him from the start they were here to stay and since he can care for himself and they can't if things should ever come to a choice then he would have to move on....we got married and after having children I think he had hoped I would change and decrease the critters which I did while the kids were very young but told him once we had more land I would continue rescue.After buying a house I began increasing my rescues/placements he was very upset he said he thought I was out of that phase since we had children, I reminded him of my plans and for the next few months we butted heads and it was not pleasant.Finally I sat him down and asked him how he could have such hate for what I loved so much and for what made up such a huge part of who and what I am and still be able to look me in the eye and say he loved me and mean it...he told me he never looked at it that way...I was lucky because since that day he has looked at things differently...he would rather the animals be a more normal amount(or not here at all) but he now sees without them I would not be the woman he fell in love with 16 years ago and he is more accepting.....sorry for the ramble but maybe a true heart to heart talk is in order.

 

[Wifezilla]

I got rid of a dog once because my boyfriend didn't like him (found him a good home, but still...). Turned out I should have kept the dog.

 

[Elite Silkies]

I just discussed this with my mother, whom has worked at the Crisis Center for 18 years........

Here is her thought; He is trying to control you and trying to see just how far he can take it. Stand your ground. She said that the only reason that she could see that he would have a legitimate complaint, is that if he is having to clean up after their accidents. (She said the pee he stepped in, would not kill him and was no excuse for the way he acted) Which I am sure he is not cleaning up their messes. She said that he knew you had your animals prior to marriage and if he truly loves you, then he will make sacrifices.

I also agree with an earlier statement: If he knows that you love these animals and these animals have been a part of making you who you are, how can he honestly tell you that he loves you and mean it......

Maybe, you could give them a playroom if you have an extra bedroom. You could let them stay in their room for an hour or so, and let him have some time with you alone.

After talking to my mother, she ask me if I was talking about myself and my DH. I said OH NO, he knows better than to mess with me or my animals. She said that is what I was thinking....... just making sure. But, I think it takes all kinds of different people to make the world go round. I just choose not to be controlled what so ever. That's not saying that I will not compromise.

But, I am a firm believer that you do not take in an animal, let them love you and then put them into another home. They have feelings too and they get attached to people.

I do hope that things work out for you.