Great DH, bad dogs! another update page 11

[thebritt]

I know you two are married, so it's a lot more complicated if it's not working out. My question is this: Your posted topic says "Great DH, bad dogs" Doesn't seem like you have "bad" dogs, so I'm curious about the "Great" part of the DH. If I had a close friend in your position, I would suggest a list of all the "great" things be written. If you two sit and have a heart-to-heart, you can start with the "These are the things I love about you" part. Hopefully, he has a long list of the things he loves about you. Then on to the "These are the things I think we need to work on" part of the discussion. Try to be prepared with the list of concessions you've already made, and maybe any you would add, IF he's prepared to make adjustments as well (sounds like an attitude check is in order on his part, if you ask me!). Sounds like "HenPen" can certainly relate to your situation. That shows some hope for yours. I had 2 dogs and 2 cats when I met and then married my dh. We now have 6 dogs and 6 cats (2 horses, 3 goats, 40ish chickens etc. etc). He only gripes when we're in financial straights and someone has to go to the vet, but snaps out of it pretty quick. Luckily, he grew up on a ranch. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

 

[redhen]

I agree..its a control issuue. Plus..if your DH cant accept the things that you love..thats a BIG problem. And if you dont stand your ground now and point blank tell him that you are NOT accepting his behavior..and MEAN it when you say it, then you have alot of sad marriage years ahead of you. And thats not how its supposed to be.

 

[agnes_day]

not to be mean but your husband sounds like a jerk..my husband isnt always thrilled with my pets but i cant imagine him throwing a baby fit over them. it sounds like he wants to control you and is starting by whittling away the things you care about and enjoy. i would take a firm stance now before it gets worse.

 

[cassie]

From where I sit it is keep the dogs and ditch the husband. This is a control issue, and believe me, if it wasn't the dogs it would be something else. If you don't stand your ground, and not just about the dogs, you are in for a miserable life.

During some quiet part of the day when you won't be disturbed and can think, get a sheet of binder paper or something and divide it in half down the middle. Write down all the things you like about your husband on one side, and all the things you don't on the other. Take another sheet of paper and write down all the things you do for him and the marriage on one side, and all the things he does for you and the marriage on the other. This little exercise might be an eye opener.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

I'm gonna have to say he married you and not your dogs. Now that your all under the same roof your learning what is and is not acceptable to each other. And what he may have thought wouldn't be a big deal turned out to be more of an issue than he thought it would be. For me an animal that pees in the house goes out. Now if the vet could give the old dog something that would help with incontinence it's worth a try. But if it didn't help the animal would be out. Personally I like my dogs being outside. I don't like fleas. Do you have a fenced yard and a nice dog house? If you don't then maybe you should get that set up.

I just had to boot out a cat we've had for 5 years because she decided not to use the box anymore. Darn cat loves it outside.

I would never choose an animal over my husband. And I would never suggest that a man that doesn't like animal waste in his "cave" might have the same issues with children. That is a wild assumption. If it were the man or the dog I'd take the man. But then again my man and I have a good system worked out with our pets that we are both happy with. It just may take a little time for you two to work out your system. But you have to bend as well and that may mean dogs in the yard.

 

[mrsengeseth]

that seems a little harsh towards the old dog. I firmly believe the way we treat animals as we head towards old age shows how we will be treated in our weakness and frailty. But putting my belief about that aside, i think that it's awful to expect someone, be it animal or person of that age to never have an accident. If it were grandpa, he'd probably not say a thing.

To me, and maybe i am seeing it wrong, he is having tantrums about the dog. Is it really about the dog, or is something going on elsewhere that he is transferring to the dog? Work, family, finances, etc? If not then I think it's awful controling and downright childish behaviour on his part.

For what it's worth, I think you should sit down and tell him how you feel about it all.

Good luck with this. It sounds frustrating.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

I took the op as meaning repeated accidents and in that case if the yard was fenced with a nice dog house the dog would be fine. My step dad left our back door open at all times and where were the dogs when they passed? They were in their yard. And these dogs were catered to. Even having that door open we had a dog that would pee in the house. Nothing worse than putting on clean socks in the morning and step in a dog pee puddle. I can understand him getting angry.

 

[chickerdoodle]

"From where I sit it is keep the dogs and ditch the husband. This is a control issue, and believe me, if it wasn't the dogs it would be something else. If you don't stand your ground, and not just about the dogs, you are in for a miserable life."

This is more of what I wanted to say but tried to be more delicate. If your pets are very important to you, how would you feel living the rest of your life without that relationship-- without any pets in your the future? Yes, things can be improved (my example of having rooms for the dogs when you're not at home) but have a cat that doesn't jumps in a chair? That person doesn't know cats! Animals in the house make it a bit more "lived in" and in my opinion--warmer. Not dirty--you can clean after them but not every second! Can you honestly be OK forever without a cat? Without a dog? I gave up a long term relationship just for that reason. He was smart, rich and good looking. I finally decided I needed to be happy and dumped him.

I am now happily married (almost 17 years!) to a man who loves me so much he not only adores our pets but is letting me get chickens this spring! Why you ask? L-O-V-E. Someone who loves you does not want to control you--they want to make you happy.

 

[LegHorn-BusHorn]

Thanks to all that answered my post. I really appreciate all the imput. Guess what? I am in the same boat tonight. He won't speak to me and after I came home from work ( I work from 6am till about 5pm) I asked him why he was mad at me, he said he was not mad, but still will not communicate with me. Now, he did tend the chickens and feed the dogs before I got home. I am pretty fed up though. We have been married for over two years. We both have separate families as we have both been married before. My kids are in there 20s and his are teens and none of them live with us right now. Although. thats a whole other story. Ok, I will try to talk to him again, but not tonight, I got another long day tomorrow and I don't want to get upset. I can't make them outside dogs as they are all 15 lbs or less. The minpin is about 2.5 lbs at most. I love my dogs and won't get rid of them any under circumstance. The controlling issue intrieges me because I have had friends and family mention this to me before. Take care all and thanks again!

 

[Birch Run Farm]

It sounds to me like he feels like he is competing with the animals for your attention.