Help toilet training a Sasquatch toddler...

[duluthralphie]

We have a new Sasquatch problem...

Hairballs. They are everywhere. It appears the toddler is ingesting hair.

There is hair everywhere. Which is odd because Sasquatch don’t shed hair.

I found the problem as a soon as I saw Mrs Sasquatch, it appears she has decided to get ready for spring.

She decided to shave her pits.......and do a bikini trim. As Sasquatch do not wear clothes it was apparent and not pretty.

When I informed her she needed to wear a bikini before she needed to trim, she became quite angry.

I am afraid to mention how silly her shaved pits look..

I tried the shave outside so the kid doesn’t eat the hair, but she says hair is good for you and puts a spring in your step.

Really the hairballs might be useful too. I am thinking of building a boat house out of them.

 

[Miss Lydia]

What an imagination!

 

[drumstick diva]

or severe mental imbalance

 

[007Sean]

We now know how our politicans/burecrates "dream up" all the programs they want to force on their constituents....that being said, this is a seriously funny thread. Bravo Ralphie!!!

 

[FortCluck]

Sounds like something my youngest would come up with. He keeps me laughing all day every day!

 

[shawluvsbirds]

We have a new Sasquatch problem...

Hairballs. They are everywhere. It appears the toddler is ingesting hair.

There is hair everywhere. Which is odd because Sasquatch don’t shed hair.

I found the problem as a soon as I saw Mrs Sasquatch, it appears she has decided to get ready for spring.

She decided to shave her pits.......and do a bikini trim. As Sasquatch do not wear clothes it was apparent and not pretty.

When I informed her she needed to wear a bikini before she needed to trim, she became quite angry.

I am afraid to mention how silly her shaved pits look..

I tried the shave outside so the kid doesn’t eat the hair, but she says hair is good for you and puts a spring in your step.

Really the hairballs might be useful too. I am thinking of building a boat house out of them.

I'm thinking sasquash hair alone will not be stable enough to build your boat house. But perhaps there is a win win scenario here. .
What you need to do is enslave the resident beavers and train them to gather and bring you logs of wood for the framework for your boat house.
Meanwhile provide Mrs. Squatch with a few 5 gallon buckets for gathering poo and hair. Instruct her that either the toddler poo and hair goes in buckets or they will be evicted.
Maybe provide a pool noodle or two and she could entice the toddler to go in the bucket so she won't have to gather it.

Then all you will need is a paddle mixer and you will be ready to start building in no time!

 

[007Sean]

I'm thinking sasquash hair alone will not be stable enough to build your boat house. But perhaps there is a win win scenario here. .
What you need to do is enslave the resident beavers and train them to gather and bring you logs of wood for the framework for your boat house.
Meanwhile provide Mrs. Squatch with a few 5 gallon buckets for gathering poo and hair. Instruct her that either the toddler poo and hair goes in buckets or they will be evicted.
Maybe provide a pool noodle or two and she could entice the toddler to go in the bucket so she won't have to gather it. View attachment 1985583

Then all you will need is a paddle mixer and you will be ready to start building in no time!

Brilliant!!!!

 

[shawluvsbirds]

Brilliant!!!!

I have a lot of that old horse hair plaster in my house walls.. I bet you squatch hair poo plaster when dry would be indestructible.
Think of all the opportunities here. .he's might be sitting on a gold mine with this.
If the boat house works out, then he can start marketing this special plaster to the public.
He could make millions!
I sure hope he will remember sweet little fake Eilleen when he becomes rich and famous off of squatch plaster.
The only possible problem I can see going into this is the possibility the squatch family figuring out he is profiting off of their bodily functions and pit/bikini maintenance behaviors. I worry they will want a piece of the action.
I think he better renew their rental agreement and add some fine print stating that all bodily excrement and shed or cut hair dropped on his property belongs to the landlord and they solemnly swear to surrender any and all rights to such profits or personal gains the landlords may procure from the use of sales of the above stated property effective immediately and indefinitely.

 

[duluthralphie]

I like the portable toilet.... but.. you know the toddler will never use it...


Rabbit poop never makes a good mortar or plaster unless you add in liquified whole dux. Dux is impossible to find in the area of my cabin. I allow the Sasquatch to live there for free to do security and keep all dux away.


Also when you look closely at the hairballs you will find these:

But I now have an idea on how to pay for cleaning in the spring.

I am going to pair with Amazon and sell the Sasquatch hair balls..

Now I will need to wrap them in Saran Wrap, and advertise them as “Sasquatch Crab encrusted balls”.

These are perfect for hanging from Christmas trees or roasting by the fire
Or eating raw...

The perfect market will be to Southies... after all they eat things that taste worse than the Sasquatch hair balls..

like, okra, grits, boiled peanuts, chittlins and so forth...


I might get rich on this idea!

thanks all

 

[Eggscaping]

I have a cabin in the hinterlands of northern Minnesota, during the school year I rent it out to a nice Sasquatch family.

I hardly ever get up there during the winter, but I recently went up there to discuss their housekeeping. Last summer they left it a little more messy than they should have.

Well, it was a mess, but not as bad as it has been, that was a positive. The negative was the poop on the floor.

The toddler has been slow to toilet train. Now to be honest, there is no toilet in the cabin. We have an outhouse. I understand it can be cold while doing ones duty in the outhouse. I know, I have had frostbite in places normally frostbite free.

Back to the toddler. She (I assume it’s a she, at young ages they are hard to tell apart) just squats and drops the poop pellets wherever she is. (Interesting side note Sasquatch poop looks like rabbit poop, only apricot size instead of raisin size).

When she does head to the outhouse, she seldom makes it, she just drops them along the way. It is handy though when we have guests and they want to know where the bathroom is. We just tell them out the back door, turn right and follow the poop trail.

Now I like some poop pellets piled by the pond for throwing at the beavers, but this is getting excessive.

My wife, the WW, really gets upset when she needs to clean the floors of toddler Sasquatch poop. I get stuck in the middle between the WW and the Sasquatches.

Mrs Sasquatch SATs she has tried everything. I have no idea how to toilet train a Sasquatch, so I am turning to all of you for suggestions.

thanks

I probably have a strange mind...the first thing that occurred to me was that you might make a bit of money by covering the poops with shellac and then painting them into pool balls. I mean, what better thing to give a ''person who has everything'' than a genuine Sasquatch poop pool ball? Or, a paperweight, for that matter. Perhaps even fake eggs to put under a broody hen...?