Hippie Jims C&P's

[the1much]

'DRINK, STEAL, SWEAR & LIE'

I met this person while I was in Albuquerque and he has a motto he lives

by everyday. He said listen carefully and live by these 4 rules:

Drink, Steal, Swear & Lie.

I was shaking my head 'No', but then he told me to listen while he explained his four rules.

So here they are:

1. 'Drink' from the 'everlasting cup' every day.

2. 'Steal' a moment to help someone that is in worse shape than you.

3. 'Swear' that you will be a better person today than yesterday.

4... And last, but not least, when you 'lie' down at night,

'Thank God,' you live in America and have freedom!

I am not as good as I should be, I am not as good as I could be.

But THANK God, I am better than I used to be!

 

[Mahonri]

Jim,

I just found this thread.

THANKS!!!

And BTW... I imagine you'd never guess it but I'm a Redneck member of the GOP.

 

[the1much]

hahaha,, they need ta make a "crazy yankee" category for me hehe

and welcome

 

[cackle]

Thanks Jim, Good reads.

 

[the1much]

we need a laugh every once in a while too

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THE OLD PROSPECTOR

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town. He'd
been in the desert for six weeks without a drop of whiskey.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he
stood there brushing some dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. He looked at the old man, laughed, and said:



'Old timer, have you ever
danced?' The old man replied: 'No, I never did, just never
wanted to.' A crowd had gathered and the gunslinger said: 'Well,
you're gonna dance now!' and started shooting at the old man's
feet. The old prospector hopped round and everybody was laughing.

When the gunslinger fired his last bullet he holstered his gun and turned
to go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule, drew his
12-gauge shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.

The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned, looking down the barrel of the shotgun. The old man asked: 'Ever kiss a mule's BUTT?'



The gunslinger swallowed hard and replied: 'No, but I always wanted to.'

The lessons from this story:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people

 

[Frizzledhen]

So true, so true. Don't ever mess with old people.

 

[Pumpkinpup]

 

[the1much]

I just want to thank all my friends and loved ones for the educational emails over the past year... Because of your warning I live in a zip-lock plastic bag with clean oxygen piped in after passing through 18 filters which are replaced each hour.


Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.


I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the channels.


I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.


I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.


I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.


Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.


I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.


I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.


Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program ..


I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa's novena will grant my every wish.


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.


I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.


Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.


I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.


I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.


And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.


I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.


I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.


I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.


I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.


I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..


I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.


Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my ass.


And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a rapist waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large ostrich with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.


Have a wonderful day, anyway!

 

[hypnofrogstevie]

Lol Jim! Hey check out the other pets & livestock. Got a scorpion vid for ya!!!

 

[the1much]

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.



The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

PLEASE, would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many
people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our
U.S service men and women for our being able to celebrate these
festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people
stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One
Al Taqqadum, Iraq