~*Honey's Life*~ A Story of a Duck

[horsecrazychicklovingkid]

pekinduck<3er :

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It's a little violent.

I think it's cool but i don't know wjhat some other members would think

I dont know about them but I like it

Thanks!

 

[DinosRBirds]

revive

 

[pekinduck<3er]

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Thanks I will make some more chapters soon though

 

[DinosRBirds]

goodnight.

pekinduck<3er :

Quote:
Thanks I will make some more chapters soon though

 

[pekinduck<3er]

Quote:
Thanks I will make some more chapters soon though

Goodnight

 

[Ducklvr]

Love the beginning, just thought I might offer a few suggestions:
anything in italics is a suggestion, I don't care if you use them or not, but I thought I might try to help!

(In Honey's dream)Instead if parentheses with 'in honeys dream' in them I think you should just write the dream, becuase before you said she was dreaming, so it should be understood
Honey was walking around in the forest, suddenly she hears a Flapping noise and looks up.
She sees her Mother and smiles and run towards her mother yelling "Mother!Mother!You've came back!" as she did she heard a shot and her mother fell to the ground.
She ran over but heard barking and ran into a bush nearby,she watched quietly in the bushes about to burst out crying.
Black big dogs ran over and picked up her mother and ran off, she wanted to follow but knew it would'nt help.
She cried out and ran to where her mother was just picked up, then one of the dogs came back and pounced biting her.
(End of dream) Here maybe just say, Honey woke with a start shivering with fear' or something like that.

Honey woke up screaming, Croc looked over a little shocked Startled might be a better word choice here but made a low grunt.
What's wrong?" Croc asked looking at her with a brow cocked.
Honey shook her head and looked at him in a frightened yet okay look in her eyes.
Croc nodded and walked over to her siblings "we must go now it's getting darka dark? and this Mother has to go now" He said and walked towards his hole that was a few feet away.
Honey and her siblings followed but looked behind them and waved a goodbye,all the ducklings made an "Aww" sound but quickly followed their mother as she walked into the Dark and mysterious Forest.
Croc went into the Hole and stopped halfway through the tunnel and stayed their sitting down,Honey and her siblings just went to the back of the tunnel and slept dreaming about all that they learned today.

And I agree that it needs a little more deatail, but it's a really great start!

Keep writing!​