House Divided by Religion

[sune42]

Quote:
All for disagreeing, but nothing on that page says they sacrificed children.

Just pointing out the pagan roots thing, not defending the weird culty thing going on.

OP, I hope you find a solution that keeps you and your family safe and well

Oh, yes Easter has Pagan roots, that I know. Thought you were talking about his idea of it. So sorry!

 

[mom'sfolly]

I don't think this is about a new religion. This is about a new group of friends and a family that no longer fits with your dh's idea of what his life should be. He has completely changed the rules, and expects you to follow him.

This group sounds very cult like, especially in the amount of time he is expected to spend with them. They may cover for him if he is having an affair, especially if the other woman is within the group. If he does not succeed in bringing you and the children in, they will move to isolate him from the "negative" influences you constitute. I think counseling is in order, and some research into the way cults function.

I think if it were me, I would run far and fast.

Here is a website that has a lot of info for identifying cults or cult like religions:

http://prem-rewat-talk.org/forum/uploads/CultCharacteristics.htm

http://www.csj.org/infoserv_cult101/checklis.htm

 

[flakey chick]

Quote:
Female children will also get that crap drummed into them and it's not good for them either.

Quote:
Ok, I didn't get that kind of creep alert, but I would definitely go to family counseling with or without your husband. At the very least, make sure that your children have the opportunity to talk to a counselor as this must be a stressful time for them.

 

[duck walk]

weeelllll....sorry kid ( I am old and can say that) but this guy sounds like a complete jerk...selfish, immature...this "religion" is not religious if it allows him to dis you so grandly...would not trust it or him any further than I could throw him...you have to decide how much garbage you are willing to take and what the cut off is...make plans, stash money, have a place to go...I would be running screaming into the forrest if someone were running this number on me and it would only take one day of this to do it...he is not well between his ears...you need to take care of yourself and the children...he is not good for them if they are now having demon nightmares and such...he is setting them on a course of mental and emotional problems that could last a life time...stop it and save yourselves while you can...my two cents...

Edited for language. ~Lisa~​

 

[KinderKorner]

I find the converted Jews to be quite neat. I am a christian. But this year my pastor has really been teaching us all about their holidays, and why they do what they do. It's really really interesting, and I'm learning a lot. I dont think them in general are like this. I found them quite nice, and really enjoy their teachings.

It sounds like a more cult gang to me.

I agree with nearly everything that has been already said.

Some dear family of mine; My sweet great Aunt and her husband recently joined a 'church'. It's a cult. The gave their house and all their belongings to them. They moved to some unknown place. They work for them. They have no contact with their family at all. Not even their own childern.

I miss them terribly. It was the strangest thing. They were christians, some of the nicest people you could find. Not to mention they are in their 60's.

It was completely unexpected. And our entire family is still in shock. We have no idea why they did what they did. But I think it's very similar to your situation. They got brought to some event with friends. And just got consumed into everything.

Someday I hope God will bring them back to the light. And I will once again see my dearly loved family. Until then I can only pray, and hope they are safe.

No offence but your husband sounds like a jerk. If he won't be reasoned with he was probably a jerk all along. It just wasn't showing strong. You need to sit down and have a serious indept talk. Tell him it's okay that he has found something he feels called to. But he can't force it upon you. I would study his new faith. Be careful not to be caught up it in. But I believe you can't go armed against something you have no clue about. Take time to learn. Give him boundaries. And hold them! Let him know it's NO okay to ditch you all day. If he truely loves you, he will let you know where he is and what he is doing. He has no excuse to be out all day or night. He can go to his church. But it should not be all day, or several days for that matter. Let him do what he wants for holidays. But be stubborn. Don't let him affect yours. If you continue you have problems. And he is too hardheaded to talk and work with you on this. He is not even worth fighting for. Your husband should love you. And although I believe you should love Gob more than a spouse. He should not turn against you. He should still be loving and caring, and as grown up adults you two should be able to pull through this.

I agree with that fact that eventually they will try to pull you 'the non believer' away from him. They wouldn't want you ruining his brainwashing. And they will cut off communication. Most likely they will take him away from you someday. Just as I lost my loved ones. If you truely love the man you married, and he once truely loved you. I would fight like heck. Don't hate him. Give him compassion, try to get him to see reason. They are going to be fighting hard to sway him into their direction. If you ever hope to get back the man you loved, you will have to fight twice as hard.

I am so sorry for what has happened. Witnessing this first hand, I can really feel your suffering. Be strong girl! My prayers are with you. No matter what happens or what you decide. Hang on. It won't last forever. If he begins harming you or your precious girls get out fast. If you truely feel like he is a danger, protect you and your childern above all other things.

I know you don't want to hear this right now. But now may be the time to find God. He has certainly been a help through my many trials. Besides. Your at the bottom, it can only go up from here. You need something to rely on, that will give you the motivation to get up and fight through each day.

I wish you the best of luck. And if you ever need to chat about anything. I am here. We and all these other wonderful BYC people are here for you!

 

[danielle82]

I am Messianic Jew, and my husband is *nothing* ( as he puts it) It has caused a few problems, but not many. He does love Halloween and Christmas and easter(most people do), and there are decorations at our house. I do the activities with him and the kids. We also do hannukah, Pesach and the festival of Tabernacles as a family. I do others by myself. We do a big family dinner on friday evening with the extended family, and that is "shabbat dinner", we light the candles etc. He is fine with it, and he encourages me. I really appreciate that about him. He may not understand why I believe what I believe but he dosn't bash it very much, and he does allow me to celebrate what I want, and I do that for him as well.

 

[Rafter 7 Paint Horses]

I have read the posts and something keeps coming into my mind.
OP said he got into this from his co-workers. I know of a business in another state that only employed workers of "their" faith. It was not a traditional religion (I don't remember the name of it), services held in a members home, very secretive and they wanted a lot of money from the members. You could only become a member if someone brought you into it. Very cult-like in my opinion.

So, maybe in order to keep his job, your hubby has been forced into this.

I would find out as much as I can about this religion, even if it is boring to you, this is your marriage you are talking about!!!!
Only you can decide if your marriage is important enough to you to solve this problem.

Once you have learned about his religion, talk to him about what you have learned. Ask for literature for you to read from him.
If it's a legitimate religion, he will be able to give you some form of literature, if not, he won't have have anything to back up his new beliefs.
He may also be using this as an excuse to stay out all night...as was mentioned, there may be another woman. This religion may not be what he is telling you, he may be making some of it up & using that to his advantage.

If it was me, I wouldn't go with him to meet anyone from that religion, I would be worried about being kidnapped and held against my will from some of the things you have posted. If you do choose to go with him, make sure someone knows where you are going, and when you expect to return. Make sure you call them when you return, and if you don't call by a certain time...have them contact the police.


Another thing that bothers me is the "obey" thing. My understanding is that in biblical terms obey means "to listen and to hear", not do as I say!

The above is just my opinion.
I think you will need to do some hard thinking about how you want to live.

I hope everything turns out OK for you and your family.

Jean

 

[TinaK]

Quote:
That is what needs to be strived for. A Compromise must be reached....

 

[Cetawin]

I am so very sorry you are going through this. I will admit that I did not read the posts past the first page but wanted to give you my thoughts.

First and foremost, you have been married for 8 years and have children. For those 8 years things were done differently. He is plain WRONG to expect his family to change to something he has found interest in...that is not the way to bring your family into anything.

Secondly, the sleeping in the winter junk...is a celebrated thing and I cannot recall the name of it but there is no excuse for the behavior of rudeness and back biting while on a religious quest/celebration/whatever. His religion does not allow for him to push or command you to believe as he does. He needs to learn more about his own beliefs before he tries pushing them on everyone else around him. You are talking about a half-breed religion which mixes both mainstream Christianity and mainstream Judaism. No offense to any practicing member of this faith but it is what it is.

From personal experience...I can tell you that if your husband does not/cannot/will not sit down and discuss some compromises to the situation, your marriage will not work. There is too much resentment too build, unhappiness in a woman's children alone will cause a marriage to fail. Your husband has chosen a path which is fine however he has a pre-existing obligation that needs to be attended to first.

Point blank MAN UP and sit down and talk to me, work with me or get the HELLO OUT. NO human being has the right to force their newfound or lifelong beliefs on another, especially a spouse and a spouse whose marriage was based on another set of principles. Not to mention, our constitution gives us the right to worship as we choose not as someone else tells us to.

Good luck hon but if you cannot get him to listen, reason and compromise....what choice do you have but to move on without him?

Frankly...I will OBEY no one...man or woman ask and I shall gladly do if it does not go against my beliefs ... command and you can bite me.

I have no issue with Jews whatsoever...several of my friends are my Jewish...and we get on just fine. We actually enjoy talking about our beliefs and hearing about the other's beliefs.


A little legal research for you:

The Supreme Court of Israel has ruled that the Law of Return should treat ethnically jewish individuals who convert to Messianic Judaism in the same way it treats jews who convert to Christianity. circa 2007

Now what does that tell you?

 

[Cetawin]

Quote:
That statement strikes me in a touchy spot....YOU should be his BEST friend. The other friends should be the ones getting the sporadic time with him.

Our household comes from such varied and spectrum opposing ends that people cannot understand how we do it. A brief faimly history for you.....

My grandparents and great grandparents were native american and they followed their traditions belief and teaching...my mother (whose father was Italian) was raised a Roman Catholic....my father was a Souther Baptist by choice. We lived in the same house! Neither the Native, the Catholic or the Baptist was pushed on my either my sister or I....we chose the paths we walk.

My husband came from a native american belief system that when his mother re-married (he was 12) a ultra pentacostal religion was brought into the house and FORCED upon him...when I say Ultra....they folks are out there!

To this day, I do my twice dailt prayers morning and night. Mornings are always outside facing the East and evenings are inside facing the West. My husband has never once told me I could not pray outside nor has he told me I had to be clothed when I do it...I follow my beliefs and do not force them on him. His are more a combination of the Native and the pentacostal...he believes GOD and I believe in the Creator also called God, The Great Spirit etc etc.

You have to have communication and acceptance of each other for any marriage to survive differeing religious beliefs in one household.

Gosh I wish you the best but if he does not wake and smell the coffee...he is going to lose his family...and for what? A faith he does not even fully understand. It is a shame. But you and your girls will survive...always know that.