Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Animal15, Aug 8, 2009.
This is not to be snarky, but constructive. In a word: spelling. In two words: spelling and grammar.
There are numerous errors in the very first paragraph. But the pictures are gorgeous.
ETA: I can't copy and paste the text of that paragraph or I would be happy to help and show you what I mean. IF you want some help, feel free to email or PM me. As a fellow Texan, I'd be happy to help.
Soccer Mom, formerly an English teacher.
I was going to say the same thing as the above -- spelling and grammar mistakes on a website make it seem like amateur hour. Also, put spaces between the numbers on your phone number --- it is hard to read and looks "dashed off." List in more detail what kind of animals you have --- you don't even say. If you only have baby animals why are there pictures of adult turkeys and guineas? If possible, post pictures of a party or event you have worked, so people get the idea of what services you offer.
If I were looking at your site I would not know what I was even going to get and would move on. I am not being snarky --- just trying to help. Your interest in improving the site is the first step. Good luck with it.
There's so much wrong it's hard to know where to begin! Besides spelling and grammer, you need to focus on formatting, punctuation, and logical flow of information too.
For instance, some sentences are missing a period at the end, others don't begin with a capital letter. A proper name like "dallas" should have a capital D. You have two spaces between "and" and "see" in the second line. There's an extra space between "cost" and the period in the third line from the bottom. Having "WE ONLY HAVE BABIES" in all caps at the end makes no sense. You're drawing the most attention to those words, and they're negative. Move "All our animals are tested..." to beneath the text box, and use a smaller font. Change the title from "Strachan's Petting" to "Strachan's Petting Zoo." Make the phone number much larger (and with the previously suggested dashes).
Here's a suggested revision...
Welcome to Strachan's Petting Zoo, which services north Dallas and surrounding areas. We're delighted that you decided to check out our services!
We have up to 15 breeds of baby animals that we can bring to your next party or event. We offer a minimum of 10 types of animals to entertain your guests, including pigs, goats, lambs, chickens, and (whatever else you have). If we have more available, we will bring them at no extra cost.
Once you've experienced a personalized petting zoo, we're sure you'll book us again and again. So check out our services and testimonials, then call to book today!
Kathy, Bellville TX
I think you are ON THE RIGHT TRACK. The site should do you well.Clean it up some, fix what every one says then ASK AGAIN.
Then get it on the crawlers & you should be ready to fly