How to answer dumb questions, or, What NOT to ask a retired person! +

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by WriterofWords, Oct 13, 2008.

  1. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    Disclaimer: Joke from my email, not one of my own. The second one is my version, a condensed version anyway!

    The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this?

    Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

    Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say

    My version condensed:

    I was in Wal Mart the other day buying some Laying Pellets, the feed store was out. This woman behind me asked me if I had chickens, so I told her that no I didn't but I'd heard that this Layer stuff was really good for you because it had all that calcium in it for the hens so they would have good shells on their eggs.
    I said I'd tried it before but I'd had to stop using for a bit because of the the "unfortunate" accident it caused. Of course she'd asked what that "unfortunate" accident had been.

    I said that well it had caused my septic system to back up on me, and I'd had to have it cleaned out real well and the pipe under my toilet replaced. She asked what on Earth had caused all that, did the calcium in it solidify? Oh eyah, and the plus side was it was a lot cheaper than Boniva or Fosimax that the Dr. prescribes for folks.

    I told her no it hadn't, but all those darn eggs I kept laying in the mornings backed up in the system and caused a heck of a mess!

    I walked off with her thinking about it and the stock clerk crying because he was laughing so hard.
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2008
  2. Dar

    Dar Crowing

    Jul 31, 2008
    that was a here's your sign moment
  3. wyliefarms

    wyliefarms Songster

    Aug 19, 2008
    Now I just read the rooster love story and thought that was funny!

    I am laughing so hard I am crying!!! 2 great laughs in one night, perfect!!!!

    Seriously, though are you really not allowed to shop at Walmart for that comment?!?

    Got any other funny stories?
  4. hensdeliverthegoods

    hensdeliverthegoods Songster

    Dec 18, 2007
    Catawba County, NC
    Oh, I wish I had been there! [​IMG] I'd of laughed harder than the guy behind you. Did Wal-Mart really tell you not to come back?
  5. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    That is a joke I got in my email, not one of my own. I have been known to change it around for my own use in a show though.
  6. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    What would you say to a person who when seeing fish food in your buggy asked if you had fish?
  7. maplesky7

    maplesky7 Flock Mistress

    Jun 14, 2008
    N. IL.
    I'd tell them I sprinkle it in my bathtub it's REALLY good for your skin.

  8. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    Hmmmm ok, what else could a human do with Fish food? I thought since some of it is for colored fish I could say it brought out my hi-lites in my hair?
  9. crtrlovr

    crtrlovr Still chillin' with my peeps

    I guess if it was a chicken aficionado asking about the fish food you could tell them it was to counter the scaly leg mite... [​IMG]
  10. chicken_boy_Kurt

    chicken_boy_Kurt Songster

    Mar 20, 2008
    [​IMG] [​IMG]

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