How to Ask my Parents to move out?!

[sourland]

 

[jorey]

Thats what this comminity is for. Well that and chickens ; )

 

[Righteous Rstr]

I'm so sorry, you reminded me why I maintain a 1000 mile buffer zone from my mother .
All I can say is if you are being truthful and accurate ( I believe you are ) intervene before
it gets worse. People tend to abuse family members even though they love you ,it's an
absolute untenable situation. No matter what you do you are a jerk so hold to the 2 year
deadline and for God's sake block the verbal abuse on your kids ! That very crap still stirs
deep hatred in me that's 35 years old. It's valid and very very damaging when our loved ones
berate and cause our children to Question their worth. Not to be confused with actual dici-
pline of course but it sounds like you and yours have been reassigned doormat duty. RR

 

[Righteous Rstr]

If all else fails remove the outside doors and shut the power off, it sounds
extreme but it's a way to show your resolve . Arguing has put you where
you are they don't respect you. Just go to a friendly place for a weekend
remember to bring the doors and the meter. Early Monday put them back
and call your generosity markers in. That will put things into the reality
mode just refuse to engage in bickering they'll figure things out pretty
quickly and move or squat on someone else's couch ! RR

 

[piglett]

If all else fails remove the outside doors and shut the power off, it sounds
extreme but it's a way to show your resolve . Arguing has put you where
you are they don't respect you. Just go to a friendly place for a weekend
remember to bring the doors and the meter. Early Monday put them back
and call your generosity markers in. That will put things into the reality
mode just refuse to engage in bickering they'll figure things out pretty
quickly and move or squat on someone else's couch ! RR

i would like to add
go to a motel for a week & don't tell anyone where you are (this would be you ,your husband, & the kids)
turn off your phones or better yet lock them in the truck of the car
come back after a week & with the kids over at a friends place
lay the goods out on the table!!!
explain how these people are making you feel
either way they will be mad at you
at least if you tell them it is off of your chest & you will feel a little better
good luck
PS: "remove the outside doors" Righteous i like how you roll

 

[Righteous Rstr]

That's how you got rid of habitual problems in rent houses. Hence replace doors and service meter
EARLY Monday(no one will believe them that way) it sure clarify's resolve and ends BS. You can make
up later and laugh about it,trust me. RR

 

[Sheilak]

Piglet is right. Your family comes first. Rent a home for yourselves and stop paying the mortgage, utilities etc. your Mother is a bully and it sounds like you will never get respect from them. She may blab all over town but people know what she is like and will not think badly of you,your husband ( is he a saint?) or your children. Be strong, many of us are in your corner.

 

[Hollow Point]

I read you story, but have not had time to read everyones response yet, will do later on. First off, nobody on this world will ever overstep my authority of my kids, except my wife. This includes my parents, inlaws, other family. Anyone. If you and your husband pay the note, whomever is leeching has to listen. Bottom line. No and if or buts about it...period. I promise you I would have made it all understood in the very begining if they didn't follow my rules find another place to live immediately.

 

[frenchblackcopper]

Mamakid,I see your fairly new here.And I truly feel for what your going thru.Seems your side of the family has a pity party,and depend on you for the shoulder to cry on. Going thru bankruptcy probably has your parents feeling a sense of failing. Regardless of why their financial troubles started,they turned to you for help,which you have done,and now they act as if your the ones they are helping? Family members take advantage of other family members much faster than outsiders.Perhaps your mother believes she still has the final word,since she is still living in the house that you have bought from them? As tough as she speaks to you and your children,what does your husband do when all this is happening? Don't know about you or anyone else here,but if anyone cuts my wife or children down,they will see me next,and expalin with proof of their words.Or we'll have a man to man and see who comes out on top.
You've been taken advantage of and used. So has your children. Have a backbone and take affirmative action.Have your lawyer draw up a 30 day eviction notice,along with a lein against your freeloading brother for what he owes you.Have the paperwork served when your family is not at home,possibly spend a few nights at a local motel when it is served,,then let them soak in the fact that their free ride is over.Remember,,in real life,your children will take care of you,when you get older,,not your mom and dad. If they disown you,something is wrong with them,but the fact is,your children needs you more than your parents do at this point.Time to step up to the plate and hit a home run.

 

[mom'sfolly]

I think Punk has this situation right. You are dealing with someone with mental illness; your mother. I think, in some ways, dealing with a family member with mental illness is like dealing with someone with addiction. Your mother's behavior isn't going to change. It is who and what she is. She is controlling, manipulative and mean. Your father, you, your brother and the rest of the family have learned to walk on eggshells, to never provoke the beast, to play passive/aggressive games to get your way, and above all, to avoid any confrontation. This is why your dad hasn't filed for bankrupcy, and you haven't moved your family from this toxic situation. In this, you enable her behavior.

You need to sit down, with your husband and then your children and plan your course of action. You might need to walk away from the entire situation, or you might need to kick your family out. But you need to make the choices based on what you need, not your parents or your brother. People who were raised by parents like this have learned responses and actions. We learn (yes I have been there, and still deal with it) to internalize the negative feedback, and in some way believe that it is our responsibility to make it better, and to keep the irrational person calm and happy. Whatever you decide to do, the negative feedback from your mom is going to be HUGE. She will not be controlling you or the situation any longer; and that is what she lives for.

Her anger and hatefulness is not your responsibility. You do what you need to do. Personally, I think the "family conversation" won't work; the right words will be said the situation will change momentarily, and you will be back to your awful normal in no time. I actually recommend you talk to mental health professionals both to gain insight on her behavior, and for you to learn ways to deal with this.