- Sep 23, 2014
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Step 1: Ponder the need to catch and treat. Procrastinate for a week.
Step 2: Ponder that you really need to catch and treat. Drink for a couple of hours for courage. Procrastinate for another week.
Steps 3 to whenever the NPIP inspection time comes: Drink for a couple of hours in anticipation of the NPIP inspector for courage. Note: When acquiring favorite alcoholic beverage be sure to buy enough to have ample supplies for post catching drinking.
Step 4: Using a very large diameter hooped net made from very soft small diameter hole netting, chase pea and cover with net.
Step 5: While in the net and pinned to ground pick up bird and net together at the wings and rotate them to their side or upside down (they quit moving if upside down).
Step 6: While upside down with wings and body restrained with one hand grab upper part of both legs and tail feathers. Legs will now be in flying position. Release from net.
Step 7: You can now reposition the bird. Always keep the tail feathers and legs together. If you do you cannot put the legs in a position to damage them. You can either cradle the bird upside down in one arm this way (for NPIP blood draw or chest injection) or place him on a solid surface (neck injection or tube to mouth)..
Step 8: Do whatever it was you needed to do and gently release bird.
Step 9 though say 100: Repeat steps 4 through 8. Note: After steps 15, 20, 25, 30, 35 ,40, 45, 50 ,55, 60, 65, 70, 75, 80, 85, 90, 95, 100, etc.. Remove any blood from your arms, body or face from you failing to perform Steps 5-7 correctly. Remove any really stinky pea poop from your clothing, hands, mouth, hair or other body parts. Take a drink remembering Note in Step 3.

