I felt like the air needed clearing so I am going to say this for all to see, I just found this thread, and up until the other day had no clue that there was anything wrong between us.
Let me back up a bit. After my mother died, Lockedhearts and her DH came to the funeral and it was wonderful to have them there. I invited them to stay and eat with the family at the church after services.
Shortly after this, her DH had his heartattack. I went with my son to the hospital to check on them. I only stayed about 5 minutes because his parents from out of state came in and only 2 people were suposed to be in the room at a time. I was not going to keep them waiting.
I texted a couple of times per week the first two weeks, not wanting to be a bother if she was doing things as I was certsain she would be. She has animals galore, is Pres. of the local horse club and had a sick DH too. When I did call, there was no answer.
She had gotten very tight with two other ladies in the horse circles and was doing all sorts of things for one of them because of the ladies health. I thought that admirable and figured things must be ok or else she would call and nothing was ever said in the short answers I recieved to the infrequent texts or PM's.
Time rocked on, I sporadically would text (again no answer when I called) and would get a short reply so I figured she was busy and did not make a habit of doing it often.
I invited her to lunch one day, to catch up a bit, and things were ok but she seemed a bit distant. I figured it was just stress because I am not the same at all either after all the stress in my life lately and let it go at that.
I sent Easter well wishes, no reply at all.
The other day after getting the cold shoulder at
TSC I get a mean email saying I had thrown our friendship out completely and she didn't need the drama in her life!
I have been on meds for extreem depression and panic attacks for well over a month now and was unmedicated with the problems before that. Since January I have been a basket case and pretty much unsocial as I cry at the drop of a hat, I am tired all the time and most days do not even feel like getting out of be. It is a struggle to do so and I have a hard time making myself talk on the phone or go anywhere. I have a reasonably normal day here and there.
I agree that I have not been over to her house or called often but it is not as if I just dropped out of her life all together and it was not because I cared any less than I ever did. I just can't function as I once did and I can't help that. I am trying to get help but it's not working nearly as well or as fast as I would have hoped. None of this was intentional and forgive me if I caused any hurt. I was not aware until the other day that anything was different other than we just were both having some hard times and both had our hands full with other things for the time being that required immediate attention. My family is still struggling to deal with things, get all the legal crap delt with, go through mom's things, try not to upset one another. My Grandfather has been gravely ill on and off ever since mother passed and has been in the hospital ICU more often than not. I am responsible for my Grandparents now that mom is gone. I have not had a moment for much of anything between family duties, the farm, erronds, etc. I did finally take a week vacation last week and even that was exhausting.
I am not trying to say that she is completely wrong, we both have had so much going on in our lives that I think she should consider that since I never had a missed call show up on my phone and I always initiated the texts that perhaps we are both a bit guilty of negletfulness of our friendship, but unintentionally so. I was oblivious and distracted by my own overwhelming problems and I can now see where she would feel a bit abandoned.
If I have hurt you, Lockedharts, I am very sorry. It was not my intent and I don't guess that there is really much more I can say. You should have called to ask why I was distant and if I had a problem or if I just did not want you in my life before jumping to a conclusion and then accusing me of throwing our friendship away. Sometimes, things are not at all what they seem. I am hurt that I was not given the chance to have things politely pointed out and to have the opportunity to say why things happened and that I was sorry before it went so down hill.
She has always been a good friend and she is a special person. I do not take friendship lightly but things have been very misunderstood, nerves have been on edge, stress emense and responsibilities overwhelming on both sides of late. Under these conditions, anyone could have easily come to this same unfortunate point.
I wish you well if you have no desire to continue our friendship and I respect that you have the right to feel however you want too. I'll live with whatever your decision is because I have no choice in the matter.
Edited for spelling errors.
