Hubby shows lil' enthusiasm

[Macro]

Amen about the coercion part. that was a source early on in my marriage. I personally am more amiable in the morning. Waking up, I feel like I can take on the world! But at night, I just want to rest and not think of any more work, projects, etc. Unfortunately that is when my Darling Wife is alive and ready for anything. We now use this to each others' advantage. If I want to do something that will be a big change I wait until night when my DW is willing to talk and she has to wait until morning to discuss her ideas with me. Not perfect and takes a little more time for us but it works... at least for us.

This actually reminded me of a Sociology class I took where it was explained that male testosterone levels peak in the morning and tend to fall quite a bit by evening. I guess in that way it makes sense that you're so energized in the morning!

I say, do your project anyway! Maybe get a friend to help if you don't want to do it by yourself? He may come around eventually. Usually when I start a project, the boys start being nosy, and then end up wanting to "help" (aka, show me how to do it).

 

[coffeenutdesign]

I guess I am lucky. My husband does not share my desire to garden or raise farm animals, but he is willing to build coops and pens for me (usually on his own timetable, though). I usually just ask him if he will help me build such and such, and then give him plenty of time to process that idea, it might take a few weeks. Then, I do the fetching and running and making sure he has plenty of iced tea or beer while he is working on it so he keeps working. Sometimes I start a project just because I know it drives him nuts to be doing nothing while I am doing something "manly" so he ends up coming to "help" and by help I mean take over. I just have to be very careful not to gripe about anything and be okay with his design ideas that are not necessarily what I had in mind. Any project we do ends with me doing the tedious finishing touches. He does the heavy lifting.

ETA: My newest desire is to add meat rabbits to our menagerie. I have been discussing it for months, maybe dropped a little fact I learned from my research at the dinner table. I discuss it with my brothers so he gets to hear me talk candidly without it being TO HIM so he is not put on the spot. When we were at the feed store a few weeks ago I made a point to go see what kind of rabbit cages they had premade. All of this is to let those juices stew in his head for a while so when I do get around to it, he is mentally prepared and not blindsided. It is all about timing with this guy.

 

[Mtn Laurel]

I had a similar problem but it resolved itself when the chickens actually arrived to inhabit the coop. Getting the coop built was the hard part and I had to get a bit more "direct" than normal to get him motivated. I'd been begging for a coop for over a year and when he asked what I wanted for Mother's Day and my birthday -which are just days apart - I told him "not to bother" as I didn't want anything unless it clucked and laid eggs. He got the hint and started construction on the coop but he made it very clear that this was to be "my hobby" and he didn't want to be involved.

UNTIL the chickens arrived. You see, my husband LOVES dogs. We have two that are spoiled rotten. Well, when the girls began to rush the fence when we'd go outside, make noises at us and follow us around, he finally admitted "they're kinda' like dogs"! Now he's feeding them treats from the garden - exactly as he does to the dogs. When eggs arrived, that was the icing on the cake as he loves the taste of the fresh eggs.

Hang in there! There may be something yet that will turn your husband around. If not the chickens, maybe he'll get hooked on the eggs.

 

[melwynnd]

Mine will help if I start. But I have to be willing to give up the very clear picture of what I want in the process. Sometimes that's okay and sometimes it isn't. If it is, he can help. If not, I do it when he isn't home or tell him "this is my baby". Sometimes he'll still help.

He likes having fresh food though, so that's a good selling point.

Sherry

 

[Cknldy]

Coffeenut have you met my husband before? Lol- i thought i replied to this topic already I talked about wanting chickens for months. Hubby finally says go buy some if it's what u want. We didn't know they had to stay inside until feathered. In the end it wasn't my begging but instead the peeping at 6 wks old that finally got a coop built! Hubby didn't take too kindly to the bright light or peeping while he was watching tv! I loved it. He built the 40 sq ft run. No roost, no nest boxes, no door. Kids and I crawled through 2 ft hole after holding up wire to feed, etc. 2 mths later I built the door and nest boxes and roost. Of course all this time I talked incessantly about everything chickens to the point that he was hurting my feelings by telling me to go talk to my chickens and catch a breath. Now if it has anything to do with my chickens I build it, make it or do it myself. When he tries to figure out what I'm doing or tell me how to do it his way I remind him of what he said to me. His latest quip is telling me to build a coop to put him in so I'll show him attention like my chickens! Lol. BTW- I have since built another coop and started on others. Very empowering and self appreciative for homemaker moms!

 

[Cknldy]

I just have to add that hubby doesn't take into account how many times I have helped him with his car hobby- changing motors, transmissions, hold this, do that and being the go-fer. I eventually developed an interest in his car hobby and didn't mind helping. The feelings are not reciprocated

 

[PaulScott]

As a guy maybe i can offer a little insight that might help
as a man we need to see the numbers and hard facts
things need to have a purpose and function ,
this is the same reason men like Dogs but not Little tinny dog's
we see a normal / bigger dog as a protector and friend . and see the little dogs as useless
if you can show your husband that your project/hobby will somehow provide you with something you would not have with out it
IE , save you money , or give you better fresher meat / eggs without costing you any more .
sadly most men are not going to care that's its fun or anything else ,we just need to see the function / usefulness of it
.. So maybe try pointing out thinks like " free Fertilizer " and show him there is a opportunity to save/make money <( might never be true)
you will need to do your part . cook him something you have raised perduced etc etc .
that should at least get him a little more intrested

 

[Cknldy]

Hubby doesn't have to do anything other than helping with heavy lifting now. He sees how the chickens save us money so now I'm working on getting a dexter milk/beef cow and pigs I do all the manual labor.

 

[redhen]

And this is why i'll be single till i croak, (if anything should ever happen to my husband). I would never, ever be married (or in a relationship with) a man that wouldnt help me with things that are important to me...
He doenst have to LIKE my chickens at all,... but he BETTER love me enough to care about my feelings and needs/ wants...
Thats what any caring husband/life partner would do...

 

[Cknldy]

Been together 16 yrs with mine. It's pretty much all routine by now. We both know what to expect from the other before we even ask. A bit of advice for the younger folks: don't start out a relationship in your teens by doing EVERYTHING for your spouse. They come to expect it instead of respecting/showing gratitude. When the kids grow up you still have a hubby (or wife) kid that is unwilling to get/ do for themselves! Most folks have a mutual respect for one another.