Husband just died

[debilorrah]

Children do experience grief. My best friends husband passed away at the end of January, and their grandson, just the other day, had a blanket with pics grandpa on it and he was rolling it all around him and hugging it tight to him asking "where is my Papa?" The child is 18 months old.

 

[wolftracks]

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That's perfectly normal. Most of us miss that. I think I do, cause I always hung out with the guys and then later had more man friends than female. Probably why my husband was my best friend.

Beliefs and trying to deal with someone elses or the lack of them is very hard. I'm more spiritual then religious and so was Bill. We got along great with that, but I had been with someone who had no believe other than he was God's gift to women, so it helped that we felt the same.

I want you to be happy. I honestly do, but I don't want you to just be so lonely that you're miserable later. Maybe you're like I used to be. You fall in love easy and out of love hard. Loss is heart breaking no matter how it happens. It took me a lone time to figure that one out. You just always expect someone to be it and the perfect match, only to find out there wasn't enough there, but it hurts in the meantime.

I was thinking about it and daughter #3 was my no bond child. That's changed now and she's grown, but it took time to want to be around her. I tried brest feeding. Hated it! I was uncomfortable and I was pushed into it. She was hungry all the time. She'd cry and I'd cry. I just wanted to feed her and put her back. I hardly ever held her until after I finally had enough and put her on a bottle. Still took a while. Oh and she cried all the time, because when I wasn't out supporting my kids and her low life dad, I was expected to hold her all the time. She'd cry and he'd make me hold her. To think his butt is still alive. What a waste of plasma! She was about 4 when I finally felt like I wanted her around. I felt horrible, but that's how I felt.

I had 3 more kids after her. Every time they shoved brest feeding down my throat I said "sure, you come on over and whip it out and take care of that. I'd rather not hate this one." Yes I get shocked and angry looks and remarks, but if that's keeping you from bonding then oh well.

I had a great mom, but once she married my stepdad I just didn't fit in. I wasn't his and he made sure I knew it. Later on when I'd had enough she said I was trying to chase him away. When I met Bill I told him to never try and get me to pick between him and my kids. They thought it was the other way around and he would tell them what I said. Ding dongs were all surprised.

You have a bond. But you have a different one with your horse and it's not like a people thing. A lot of people are more comfortable with animals than people. I'm sure if you had to pick it would be your daughter. OK tell me I'm right. LOL

I think you were already grieving for companionship when your husband was alive. You really do have to work on you, but you're the only one who can say when your ready for a relationship, just make sure it's the best one you can find and not a good enough one.

 

[michickenwrangler]

You have a bond. But you have a different one with your horse and it's not like a people thing. A lot of people are more comfortable with animals than people. I'm sure if you had to pick it would be your daughter. OK tell me I'm right. LOL

I think you were already grieving for companionship when your husband was alive. You really do have to work on you, but you're the only one who can say when your ready for a relationship, just make sure it's the best one you can find and not a good enough one.

Yes, if I absolutely had to choose between horse and daughter, daughter would win.

And yes, with Wayne's health and lack of physical intimacy, I was lonely and felt rejected even when I was married. Even though Wayne and I loved one another, in retrospect I don't think we were "in love" anymore. He was incredibly insecure about my career and the fact that I was essentially "the man" of the house. Remember, he was 56 when he died and raised by parents who were conservative even for their generation and older parents to boot (35 and 39 respectively when Wayne was born), plus they were Old World German (despite a heavy dose of Blackfoot blood) so they also had arrogance and that Kinder, Kuche, whatever thing the Germans think women should do going for them as well. Wayne was very emmasculated by a young working wife with hobbies outside the home. And I suffered from a lot of insecurities about my looks after getting constantly turned down for intimacy for 5 years. Gaining weight didn't help. I weighed 120 lbs before I had Fianna, was up to 133 at one point. I now weigh about 115. Wayne's high school friend Larry referring to Wife #1 as "The Pretty Wife" didn't help either.

Then I met this current guy who is only 10, not 25, years older than me. Doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't gamble, works 2 jobs, not bad looking, likes horses, likes camping, doesn't mind shedding dogs, likes chickens, thinks I'm attractive, willing to take it slow, he liked my homemade cheese .... and now he's bothered by the fact I'm not a Creationist.

ETA: If we decide to keep seeing one another, think I should get rid of my Swedish Satanic heavy metal cassette tapes?

Also realizing that this means he's probably not a fan of the show Metalocalypse.​

 

[Momagain1]

Unfortunately; that is a BIG difference in beliefs tho...

I honestly, while i can have friends that dont believe and respect that, my partner must believe the way I do otherwise IMO
it just wont work...thats ONLY waht I believe and my husband believes...
obviousy not everyone believes that way and thats A-OK!!!

I'm sorry; he sounds like a great guy with all your things in common...who knows..maybe one of you will end up changing
your belief system...

its not like you are marrying him now are you!?!?!? So, if you feel you must date, take it slow...
honestly I think its way too soon, but thats MY OPINION ONLY...and since my opinion isnt going to affect
your opinion...then whose opinion counts??? YOURS..and thats the ONLY ONE you should worry about right now in re; dating...

does this make sense?? I'm rambling and my head is pounding lol...

I only wish you the best!! Please love your your dd..her life has been turned upside down and being 6, I cant see her
being able to verbalize all the pain she is feeling inside...

I cant even imagine you grieving and then taking care of her too!! Do you ahve anyone to talk to??

 

[EweSheep]

Religion should not matter IMO because hubby and I are two different people. He believes in evolution, we descend from apes while I am not religious but probably more agnostic, a sense of higher being which I do not know for sure, it could be God or not be God, can't prove his existance. However my daughter, going to a Christian school, believes in it and I am obligated to take her to that school every day, help her learn the verses of the Bible they have to study weekly and do good unto others as well. It would give her a good solid foundation rather than the public school which there were no boundaries, social pressures, and all that non structures that the teachers were so overwhelmed by such pressure by the state that they must get the grades in or FAIL.

We both have a respectful manner in our views, listen to our viewpoints and not be arguementive to pressure one another to believe one wants the other to believe. If both partners have a deep mutual understanding on their spiritual meanings (or none at all), understand that it is a very sensitive subject and be respectful of one another. If my daughter wants to pray at dinner, she is very welcome and I encourage that even it means nothing to my hubby but he is respectful not to be snarky about it or "its not true". I told him once, if you are going to bad mouth a good social foundation for your daughter, then you have done her injustice, spiritually and emotionally when at a time of need she is wanting something higher if she ever have that need. I look at that both ways and teach her evolution AND Bible and if she has questions that we can not answer, then we will find it for her. If not, she shall seek out her pastor or a sister nun at the school or someone authority that knows more about it. I DO believe in the ten commandments, it has valid reasons that applies to ALL mankind, whether you believe it or not.

Good luck in this gentleman you are wanting company. Just be friends with him, nothing more at this point. Never hurt to have a good friend at your side sometimes. Romance will follow later when you are comfortable with each other. Don't look too hard into the relationship either.

 

[debilorrah]

By creationist, do you mean he is of a Christian faith?

I will be brief on the Christian thing. If he is, and is currently active with a church or active in his faith, the bible states that Christians are not to be unequally yoked, which means they are supposed to marry one that believes as they do.

 

[wolftracks]

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OK that was the shorter way of saying it. LOL

 

[debilorrah]

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OK that was the shorter way of saying it. LOL

Well I didn't really want to bust out scripture here. Not the place.

 

[wolftracks]

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OK that was the shorter way of saying it. LOL

Well I didn't really want to bust out scripture here. Not the place.

I can only do novel chapters. Six kids, 4 stepkids, 4 other stepkids, 28 gkids. I give them the long version. LOL

 

[debilorrah]

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Well I didn't really want to bust out scripture here. Not the place.

I can only do novel chapters. Six kids, 4 stepkids, 4 other stepkids, 28 gkids. I give them the long version. LOL

Well with family I would too. I really don't know the OP from pixie dust, except for here and she has always been very helpful. So I kept it short. Do I have more to say? yeah and I always will!