Quote:
Opa is a very smart man.
you are attractive. There is nothing wrong with you. Please stop fretting about that. You are your own worst critic. Most of us women are.
We use a microscope to find faults with ourselves.
Just be you and forget about how you look. when you stop pointing out your flaws to people, they will stop seeing them.
accentuate the positive. Go get a great pair of jeans and enjoy the new hot fanny.
See, I do and have always felt that there is something wrong with me. I was never good enough to make my parents happy, I had a younger brother who played football, won 2 state championships, played for a Big 10 college team. He didn't make pro (due to a knee injury, he WAS scouted by the Pitssburgh Steelers the year they won the Superbowl, 2006-ish?) but has a lucrative job with an oil company and now lives out by Napa Valley in a posh area of northern California. They often say how proud they are of him. Meanwhile, they tell me I should move back downstate (even when Wayne was alive) and I never should have gotten into teaching. They even introduce me to people as "Gordon's sister" never "our daughter." Likewise my daughter is always "Gordon's niece." I have confronted my parents on this, but when I did I was told it was Gordon's wedding and I shouldn't make a scene. They haven't had the chance to introduce me to anyone since, so I don't know how they would do it now. My own dad thought it was "wrong."
Yes, I do ride, and I enjoy it, it makes me happy and I love my horse beyond measure. But... with Wayne's health, everything I have had to look forward to in the past 5 years or so has been horse-related. As much as I enjoy competing and riding, it is just more "something I do" like eating or breathing. When the one guy took an interest in me and we began seeing each other, I had something to look forward to beyond the horse and it was a new experience for me. Then it ended so suddenly.
EVen in college, while Wayne and I were together but not married so no ring, no one expressed any interest in me. Granted, I was a few years older than most of my classmates and I lived further north (everyone else was Tri-City area) while I commuted from Arenac county. I know I'm intelligent, witty with varied interests, but it just seems like I'm cursed to always be lonely. And the man I was with and married suffered from chronic health problems. I ALWAYS had to be the strong one, even if I was sick. I always had to make sure things got done, I couldn't really depend on Wayne for a lot. He was also in and out of the hospital so much ...
Again, I like older men, but does it ALWAYS have to be the Korean War Navy veterans who talk to me? Why don't slightly younger men find me attractive? (30-55-ish)?
I did end up going to a local bar last night. Not exactly a mistake. There was only 1 guy in there and he was quite preoccupied with staring at the 20-something bleach-blonde bartender's cleavage (he was probably late 20s) and listening to her latest adventures drinking in Bay City while liberally peppering her conversation with the "f-bomb." When I got my Heineken (no cheap beer for me!) she carded me and I gave her an "are you serious?" look. She did a double take when she saw my license and said I didn't look 30. But looking at my reflection in the mirror--naturally wavy hair, just a bit of foundation to cover up my pores and of course my hair is its natural color compared to her bleach-blonde hair, varnished and caked-on makeup--we looked so different. However, I began talking to the cook, an older woman who I found out was widowed about my age back in 1976. IT was good to talk to her, someone who had been through the same thing and wasn't giving me stupid advice (as listed in a previous post).
Oh, well, I suppose I should go into work.
