i dont know what to feel

[Sore Thumb Suburbanite]

I am 27 and I have 4 sisters who are 8, 10, 11&1/2 and 13 years older than me. The oldest 3 have all had children the youngest kids are 6 now. I just had a son last summer. The 35 year old sister who is closest in age to me probably wont have kids and she lives about 65 miles away in LA-she is very busy but comes down for most birthdays and holidays. The oldest 3 sisters lived within 15 minutes of eachother and me and my mother's place until January when my oldest sister moved to Colorado. Her husband was offered a job that would pay for the move and he would be earning 20% more, he left it up to my sister and she left it up to him whether or not they would go... anyway... My sisters have always been close and we have always held family events together and spent time with eachother on a daily or weekly basis sometimes. Nobody from my extended family has moved out of California or farther away from the main family group than the sister who lives in LA and 2 much older cousins. I know this is probably unusual for the average person to live so close to their family, but ive aways felt my family was a closeknit one. My oldest sisters departure caused my mom months of sleeplessness and since January she has been to Colorado 2 times. I have a 9 month old, he will be the first of my mothers grandchildren to grow up without all his cousins. I just found out that the sister who I am closest with will be moving to Colorado too this summer. She has always wanted to movenout of state because she likes snow and hates the heat. I am already sad my son wont have cousins his age to grow up with, but now he wont have any within 10 years of his age when this sister moves away. I am just so numb, so let down and I already feel lonely knowing I will only have 1 sister left near me...the one who is too busy to talk or hang out, the one who (this seems wrong to say) really annoys me sometimes. I cant believe my family as I have known it will have completely changed in less than 6 months.
The tough thing is I cant really visit them often and they wont be coming back more than once or twice a year because of budgets and my husbands vacation time or their vacation time...
I just kinda feel abandoned right now. I feel like my son will be missing out, like they let him down... i am so frustrated that just as I am starting my family in anticipation if raising my son and his future siblings with his cousins in our big fun family...half of them have left. The two sisters who I was closest to and who did a lot of the planning and were the two that could be counted on to be at all the holidays and birthdays wont be around anymore. My mom will now be gone at half the holidays visiting in Colorado . This just really sucks and I think I'm mad about it. I am pretty sure I feel like they don't really put as high of an importance on family as I thought they did.
My husbands family is very aged, he has one sibling who is an alcoholic and is very dysfunctional and his cousins are all years older with older families. I feel awful for my son who is getting the short end of the stick. He wont experience what all his cousins got to, he wont see his only grandmother at all holidays. My husband and I will be alone at many holidays due to my one local sister's holiday trips with her in laws. This sucks. Thanks for listening to my selfish complaining.

 

[Chick Charm]

I charge 400 an hour but you do get to sit on a leather chase lounge.

But I hear ya. Everything in life is permanent until it changes. Change happens.


Got any chickens? I love talking about chickens.

 

[showbarnmom]

I live on a small ranch with literally 2/3s of my family. The other 1/3 lives within 20 miles. So you mean other people think its not normal to totally be stuck up your families *** 24/7?

When my husband and I got married we moved about 3 hrs south from my family. We spent 3 years away, and just moved back a year ago because I was pregnant. I only have one brother, who is 10 yrs olderthan me, and he has 3 boys, 13,10&3 . My son will be 9 months in a week.

When we moved, I swear I saw my family more in the first 3 months than I had in the year prior to moving. But then slowly people stopped visiting. The new wore off. I bet the same will happen with your family.

Just keep in mind, in the back of your mind, how torn your mother is feeling have to split holidays and visits with your sister in Co and you in Ca. Also think you have her time during the week, and your sister won't.

As far as the other sisrer moving, more than likely, she would have moved eventualy, she was just waiting on am excuse.

I know that was kinda rambly, but i hope it helps

 

[newfoundland]

I know how you feel. Three years ago I moved away from the sister that I had seen virtually everyday of my life and our children had grown up together. It is hard to think that I can no longer just walk to her house if I felt fed up. What I do is ring her every day and that way we are still involved in each others life. A couple of times a year she comes to stay with us and we do the same. It's lovely when this happens as we can talk for hours. When her husband was in hospital last summer I went to stay with her, and she is still the first person I would turn to other than my husband.

My own mother moved away from her family when she married but remained incredibly close to her sisters all her life. Distance does not have to spoil a relationship, believe me. I think I appreciate my sister more and the times we spend together more than ever. Make each other the promise that if needed you will always come.

 

[mom'sfolly]

While it is sad that your child won't grow up with his cousins, it sounds like he will see them frequently.

You sister is doing what is best for HER family. Moving to Colorado means more money, and probably a lower cost of living. Since you don't live in her house you have no idea what that might mean for her family.

Your sisters' youngest child is also five years older than your child. This means that they are not going to be interested in the same things at the same times. And yes family get-togethers would be fun, but they would not be playing together and hanging out on a daily basis. Family times will still be fun, and will be even more special because they are less frequent extended visits.

I think you should also take care not to put additional stress on your mother by focusing on the bad...my kid won't have his cousins around, you won't be here for Christmas, yadda, yadda, yadda. If her children are moving away for the first time, she probably has enough to think about without you possibly adding to the mess.

Life is about change. At right now it probably feels hard, but try to focus on the good. You and your sisters are closer than average. That should not change just because the physical distance between you does.

 

[Sore Thumb Suburbanite]

I have calmed down some since the initial shock. I think what will happen to my relationships is up to me and some to them. If I keep calling I'll likely be more involved with them. Better bump up my phone plan, huh? I am the youngest and I guess this is my lot and I have to tough it out. I didn't expect my son and future kids to play with their cousins all the time...but I enjoyed hanging out with my older cousins and actually knowing them as I grew up. I wanted him to be able to know his cousins. I hate change. I am pretty pouty about it sometimes. I just hate that my sisters wont see my baby grow and spend time doing aunt like things but twice a year. I am close to both my aunts and I loved doing things with them. I will just need to have my sister who still lives close do things with him when she can. I will try to be more positive. Its just not the first thing I think of doing when I face such huge changes.

 

[Daddas1Punkin]

All I can say is, It'll be okay! Hang in there! I'm sorry.

 

[newfoundland]

The phone plan that I have here in UK is that I pay £23 a month and for that I have unlimited calls to anywhere in the UK. I can talk for up to an hour to each number without incurring any extra cost. Sometimes we ring off and then ring back so that we don't go over the hour. I wonder if you can find a similar scheme?

 

[nova022]

I have calmed down some since the initial shock. I think what will happen to my relationships is up to me and some to them. If I keep calling I'll likely be more involved with them. Better bump up my phone plan, huh? I am the youngest and I guess this is my lot and I have to tough it out. I didn't expect my son and future kids to play with their cousins all the time...but I enjoyed hanging out with my older cousins and actually knowing them as I grew up. I wanted him to be able to know his cousins. I hate change. I am pretty pouty about it sometimes. I just hate that my sisters wont see my baby grow and spend time doing aunt like things but twice a year. I am close to both my aunts and I loved doing things with them. I will just need to have my sister who still lives close do things with him when she can. I will try to be more positive. Its just not the first thing I think of doing when I face such huge changes.

It sounds like the shock is wearing off and you are coming to realize that life is what you make of it. Enjoy your family when you are able and keep them in your heart, but mostly concentrate on your husband, son and yourself and the things you can do to be happy. Everything will work out.

 

[Peaches Lee]

I charge 400 an hour but you do get to sit on a leather chase lounge.

But I hear ya. Everything in life is permanent until it changes. Change happens.


Got any chickens? I love talking about chickens.

I want your job...

Anyway, I agree with what Mom'sFolly posted. I also think maybe you are being a tad selfish thinking of your and your son's relationship with family versus your sisters' families moving to better their lives. Try not to get tunnel vision about cousins not being there and your son not having them to play with. There are many opportunities out there. Good luck and keep your chin up.