I have a huge conflict

[klf73]

Quote:
I agree, I would discuss it with my spouse and decide together. She brought you into this by dropping your name.....

 

[jvls1942]

I would talk to my supervisor at work about what is expected of me job-wise.. If he tells you to keep quiet, then you have even more of a way out.. then if your friend confronts you, which I doubt will happen, you can tell him that you wanted to, but you could not..

If he cannot understand that, then he isn't the friend you think he is.

are you sure he isn't fooling around, also??

 

[Chicken Woman]

I don't think it is your place to get into someone elses business. Weather you are friends or not . Their marriage is not for you to judge or enter into. Trust me you will be the bad guy in the end.

I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot poll.

If the officer thought they were involved in lewd conduct he should have done something himself. You have been put in a very difficult position here and it could blow up in your face. He will figure it out on his own eventually anyway. Most cheaters get caught sooner or later. The other issue is that he may suspect it and is not persuing the issue. Some people don't want to know.

Could this jeperdize your job ? She could go to your boss and tell him or her that you disclosed confidentile info.

 

[FarmerChick]

Quote:
You are so right....I wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole either!

 

[debilorrah]

The thing is, he CANT touch this with a 10 foot pole or he risks his job. Hard to deal with internally, but the decision is clear.

 

[JennsPeeps]

I agree with the "say nothing" crowd.

You signed a confidentiality clause, regardless of who it was that was involved. It doesn't matter if Britney Spears were caught in the backseat with the pope. It would make for a great story, and you'd be rich, but it's not ethical, nor is it your story to tell. You can't legally tell the paparazzi, your wife, and technically... us.

If the friend corners you, you can be honest with her: "I heard that you were stopped by a police officer and that you mentioned my name. It's your decision to tell my wife and your husband or not to tell them what was going on. I'm legally and ethically bound to maintain a professional code of ethics, which I will do. Using my name in a situation with law enforcement is inexcusable and intolerable. Do not do it again and do not get me invovled in whatever it is that is happening in your life. I don't want to know the details and I want to be kept out of it."

You don't need to threaten to tell anyone, nor do you need to tell your wife. She'll be mad if she finds out, but you cannot tell her.

There's a fuzzy grey area if she tells you about her affair herself when you're not at work. If you hear about it as part of work, then you must remain silent. But if she calls you at home and feels some urge to confess, that's no longer related to your work and may not be covered.

On a side note, you might want to tell a supervisor about what happened. S/He may provide good advice and guidance, or may refer you to a legal expert (depending upon how big your city) about your obligations here.

Good luck. I don't envy the tough spot you're in.

 

[asher]

Quote:
IMO, if she contacts you about it when you're not working, it's no longer a confidential work issue since she is bringing it out in to your private life.

 

[Lunachick]

I say don't say anthing too, she knows you know - so let the woman squirm for a long while.

 

[PortageGirl]

OK, this is one of the few times I haven't read a whole thread before replying to a thread so I apologize in advance for that, but I just couldn't go through it all.

Forget you know anything detail wise. It doesn't matter what your opinion or morals are... this is job related and needs to be separated, anything else will cost you your job which I doubt you can afford to lose. You need to filter names out of the equation.

If you want to avoid the dinner, make an excuse, and don't socialize with them as a couple in the future. Yes, you’ll probably have to explain at least some of it to your wife and I don’t condone keeping secrets from your spouse, but I’ve worked in a job where I couldn’t share ‘details’ either. There’s a fine line and you need to walk it, you need to find your best path in YOUR marriage, but your friend’s marriage is NOT YOURS!!!

Yes, you can engineer it so the husband will ask the right questions and you can act as if you are 'forced' to say something, but that's just a petty act on your part and no better than taking an add out in the paper with people’s problems. You'll be living up to all the expectations about small town dispatchers/cops who can't keep their work separate from their day to day life.

I agree that marriage is a sacred bond, but it's not YOUR marriage.

Live your marriage in your way, and leave the rest to their own lives or you're just a busy body snooper.

If you must confront the woman, do so if that is what your conscience demands, but you need to do it face to face and up front. Of course, you are not the only one who knows about this, and she’s got to know that her behaviour is going to come out. Also, I doubt if her husband is totally ignorant of there being a problem, if you avoid them, she’ll know why. I guarantee there’s no easy answer. If you tell the husband you’ll lose his friendship too, if you don’t tell him, and he finds out you knew, it may cost some status as well, but will know that you can’t go running around telling all about who gets questioned by the cops, for anything no matter how hard it is NOT to.

 

[seminolewind]

I have 2 ideas, and you can decide if you want to pick a or b.

A. At the next dinner, at the table, hand her a pair of panties and say "Here, you must have lost them on that back road".


B. I would MYOB. I personally would feel real uncomfortable around them and break off the friendship. It is really not anyone's business but their's. But I WOULD tell her to NEVER use your name again or she will be arrested for trying to bribe an officer, and thrown in jail. It's against the law.